A Long and Difficult Day

Holaaaaaaaaaaa! So I get up this morning and had a few things to do and I had to go get the Jaymom’s birthday cake at Walmart. I get all ready and make myself presentable and shit and head out of the house ready to take on the day! First thing I had to do was turn around and come right back in to get my hoodie because holy crap it was cold!

I get my hoodie and head back out still ready to get things done and get back in time for a very special event that was going to happen today which I will tell you about in a minute. I get in my car and ………….. *clickclickclickclickclick* *brrrrrcoughcoughbrrrrr* *clickclickclickclick*

OHMYGOD! CARMELA!! NOOOOOOOOO!

Suddenly Dr. Leonard McCoy appeared hovering above Carmela and said …..  

I sat there for a minute sad and depressed that the batter in my precious Carmela had died, but I knew it was going to happen eventually. I gathered myself together and commandeered the Jaymom’s car and proceeded to complete my tasks. What else could I do? The world wasn’t going to wait for me.

Since I was already in Walmart to pick up the cake, I ran by the automotive section to check on the price of a new battery. After I fainted and came to, I got the cake and some Pepsi which Walgreen’s has 3-12 Packs for $11 this week which I knew Walmart would match, and they did and took the cake to the Jaymom.

About a half hour after getting back, our special guest arrived. Yup, you guessed it. M.E. came over. Remember her? The old lady who got a new laptop and I had to teach her to use it and it has been a complete cluster fuck? The old lady to just rambles on and on and on about something and gets caught in a loop and just keeps repeating herself for long periods of time? Yup, that one!

Hooooooooo boy, she was on today y’all! I really should take notes when talking to her because it’s impossible to remember all the crazy. The highlight of the day was when we were discussing looking up our family histories. M. E. has decided that she’s part Jewish. She will not even consider the possibility that she isn’t. She’s convinced that she is and that’s why she hates herself so much. When we looked up the name Goheen we found that it’s a Dutch name. This didn’t seem possible to her at all. I pointed out that she grew up in Pennsylvania and this exchange happened:

ME: No, no Dutch there.
Jay: Where? In Pennsylvania?
ME: Yeah. No, there aren’t.
Jay: In Pennsylvania? The state? In America?
ME: Yeah.
Jay: Okay.

Anyway, we looked up some of her family whom she said lived in a little bitty town in Pennsylvania and found them. We found her aunt (I think it was her aunt), her aunt’s brother, mother, father everyone else. She recognized all the names. Suddenly M.E. says “No, that’s not them.”

Apparently she thinks that there are two separate families all with the same first and last names living in a town of just a couple of thousand people in rural Pennsylvania and the OTHER ONES are probably her family.  I’m not making any of this up.

Anyway, I put the new battery in my car and am now drinking heavily.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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P.S. You should totally listen to Aunt Jackie rocking the IWS Radio house covering John Mellencamp's "Hurt so Good!" 

Sometimes the Simplest Tasks are the Hardest

Hola kids! There are a few things that all men should be able to do. Simple, routine maintenance on the car is one of them. Things like change out your own battery, or change a tire, recharge the a/c and change out burned out tail lights or headlight bulbs. If you have the room and equipment (and a garage) you could probably do learn to do even more.

Well, this last week I started getting a warning light on my car. I had never seen this light before and wasn’t really sure what it was about. Then I realized it was telling me that I had a brake light out. This elicited a HUGE SIGH from me because what a pain the freaking ass changing out a light bulb is.

So, I took a deep breath and decided to change it out. I did get the car manual and look through it, just to make sure of how the bulb is changed. The manual shows how to change out dozens of bulbs EXCEPT THE FUCKING TAIL LIGHTS! It’s okay though the internet was there for me and a simple Google Search took me to a forum where I could confirm my greatest fears. I was going to have to tear the trunk apart to get to it.

I had to start by taking down the carpet lining. I just needed to take out about six screwed and pull out the plugs hold the lining up. No problem right? Heh. Each one of the screws was stripped and they just spun around and didn’t come out. Okay, only a minor setback as I’m pretty good at this. It just took a little time and patience and pretty soon I had enough of them out to pull back the lining to expose my next challenge.

All I had to do next was take off another half dozen nuts and pull the light assembly out from the back of the car. The nuts were all on very tight and standing and bending over the back of the car was starting to hurt my back, so I took a short break and sat down and drank some Gatorade. A man needs to know when to pace himself, ya know.

I went back out a bit later and got five of the six nuts off pretty easily. Yes, Matt-Man I said “got nuts off easily” you can stop giggling now. Anyhoodle, when I looked at the last one over in the corner I knew what was coming. I couldn’t get the crescent wrench I was using on it because it was behind a piece of metal that has a lip on it. No problem, I’ll just us a hand wrench right? Well, turns out I don’t have a wrench that fits it. Why? Because the Japanese don’t have the common decency to use the same form of measurement as Americans do.

So, now I’m out there practically standing on my head trying to get some vice grips on the little nut so I can get it off there. So far, I still haven’t been able to get to it. Over three days this simple task has taken about four hours, a dozen “Fucking You Infiniti’s” and probably a half dozen “God Dammit! It’s a fucking outrage that we have to have break lights anyway. The one in the rear window works, isn’t that enough you fucking Nanny State Pussies??!!”  

Nothing is ever simple, is it? Especially with this dark cloud hanging over my life. But, I guess I’ll find a way to finally get that last nut off there and change out this stupid light bulb. Maybe. I hope so anyway.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news today on I’m With Stupid we talked about people who were influential in our lives and the advice those people gave. Then we talk about bad advice we’ve gotten, took an great call from Rick in New Castle and then shared some great advice that we have learned with our listeners. All in all, it was a great and very happy show. Good times! 

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