Lou Dobbs Hates Dr. Seuss, Brown People and Iran

So, Lou Dobbs continues to fit in with his fellow crazies at Fox News. Now he’s decided that Dr. Seuss is dangerous to children. He complained that the new movie The Lorax is “Hollywood indoctrinating our children!”

So, I thought I would share with you Lou Dobbs’ own version of his favorite Dr. Seuss poem.

I am Lou

I am Lou
Lou I am

That Lou-I-am
That Lou-I-am!
I do not like
that Lou-I-am

Do you like
brown people and Iran?

I do not like them,
Lou-I-am.
I do not like
brown people and Iran.

Would you like them
Here or there?

They are illegal here
And terrorists there.
I would not like them
anywhere.
I do not like
brown people and Iran.
I do not like them,
Lou-I-am

Would you like them
in a house?
Would you like them
with a mouse?

They live a dozen to a house.
In Iran they strap a bomb to a mouse.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
anywhere.
I do not like brown people and Iran.
I do not like them, Lou-I-am.

(…)

You do not like them.
SO you say.
Meet them! Meet them!
And you may.
Try them and you may I say
Lou!

If you will let me be,
I will meet them.
You will see.

Say!
I still don’t like brown people and Iran!
I don’t!! I hate them, Lou-I-am!
And I would throw them from a boat!
And I would feed them to a goat...
And I will kill them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a car. And hang them from a tree.
They are so bad so evil you see!

So I will stuff them in a box.
And I will attack them with a fox.
And I will send the INS to their house.
And I will infect them with disease from a mouse.
And I will hate them here and there.
Say! I will KILL them ANYWHERE!

I do so hate
brown people and Iran!
Fuck you!
Fuck you,
Lou-I-am

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Waxing Poetic

Last night on “I’m With Stupid” Matt-Man and Jayman stepped out of their normal and comfortable programing of comedy and jocularity and took a risk. They opened their hearts up to the world via the spoken word. It was Poetry Night and Matt-Man and Jayman not only brought the angst and yearning, they also wore the appropriate headgear. 

As you probably know, Matt-Man is already an accomplished poet. Classically trained and quite skilled, he is always ready to bust a few rhymes, and can go iambic pentameter on your ass at any moment. Jayman, on the other hand, is a new style poet. A style glossed “Tumblr Poet” by Matt-Man. The Tumblr Poet doesn’t observe any rules or have any real poetry skills. He or She just reads the thoughts he or she has typed out in a dramatic reading style. It works for them, but bothers poetry purists in the same way that the wild card and designated hitter bothers baseball purists. 

Anyway, it was a very touching, thoughtful and heart-felt show. Matt and Jay spoke from the heart and explored thoughts and feelings from deep within the darkest and most terrifying areas of their minds. In many ways it was cathartic and in others sad and pathetic. But, it was, as always a great show.

You can listen by using this here handy-dandy magical mystery machine lovingly provided by the good people of Blog Talk Radio. And don’t forget that we will be celebrating Labor Day on Monday at 11 am EDT. We’d love to see you there. 

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