Oshie Can You See the IWS Person of the Week!?

The IWS Person(s) of the Week is TEAM USA HOCKEY! In case you missed it, and if you did shame on you, USA defeated Russia yesterday in a thrilling shootout!

The big hero of the day, the guy putting the biscuit in the basket during the shootout was T.J. Oshie!

T.J. is a fine example of what American Exceptionalism is all about!

And while T.J. was doing the scoring, Jonathan Quick was standing tall between the pipes stoning the Russians!

Another All-American man!

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand don’t for get to get updated on all the news, weather and sports by Matt-Man, Jayman and the whole gang at IWSRadio Sunday night at 8 pm ET!!!!

Poetry 'n' Such with Paul Piatt

Gentle and heartfelt greetings to all of you discerning drinkers of the warm and aromatic coffee of life that is IWS.

Renown poet and IWS Literary Editor, Paul Piatt here once again, in order to share with you some of today’s finest in the world of poetry, prose, and people.

Today during our continuing journey along the sullied boulevard of words made magical, and life’s pentameters made iambic, I once again artfully attempt to put finger to keyboard, and in one of my more randy moments, “get edgy with it”…as the vapid and unkempt adolescents of today would say.

I first met today’s guest poet in Grenoble, France during the 1968 Olympics de la Winter.  We had been seated prominently and serendipitously next to each other during the finals of the pairs ice skating event.

It was during our sitting betwixt one and other in Grenoble, that I had the good fortune to meet beat poet icon Jack Kerouac’s, younger lesser known brother, Zach Kerouac.

You see, I was in France in the winter of 1968 working on my award winning book of poetry, “Jean Genet Drank Nothing but Cham-pain” and Zach, ostensibly enough, was also in France working on his critically acclaimed, yet far less well-known book of rhyme and introspection, “Sauerkraut Tastes Better in Paris.”

It was a melodious and fortuitous meeting between he and I, as we watched in stargazement, the matrimonied Russian pair of  Ludmila Belousova and Oleg Protopopov skate to their second gold medal in as many Olympics.

The duo’s symbiotic fluidity and symmetry begged and taunted Satan to dare question the divine, supernatural, and awe-inspiring power of God.

Zach and I sat as we watched the Russian couple exude an abundance of love, grace, and athleticism upon the ice that had never seen before and will never be seen again.  It was during their perfect execution of a parallel spread eagle that Zach turned to me and said…

“These two represent a non-sequitur when it comes to the Soviets.  They are in love and their child…that child that they bore together, the greater love of their life, is the ice. And what allegorically represents the Soviet government, Paul?  The blades of their skates.  They are expected to lace up their skates everyday for Mother Russia and cut their ice child in the back.”

My thoughts moved from the exceptional beauty and excellence efficaciously provided by Belousova and Protopovov to the blunt force trauma of lexicon that Zach had instantaneously uttered.  He could see it all.

He could see that resting beneath a gold medal is a chest deflated…Beneath athletic success there is struggle…Beneath beauty, lie faults.

We kept in touch after that event which helped to shape our lives and provide definition and solidity to our souls, and before it was published in his 1974 book, “Big Brother Is Negating You”, he sent me an excerpt from that book that wondrously describes what he was feeling that day in 1968 in Grenoble…

The Sun

The Sun is Hot.
Hot, Hot, Hot.
The Sun is Yellow.
Yellow, Yellow, Yellow.
Well…
Not Exactly Yellow.

Just as the glorious sun radiates its imperfections through its spots, you and I do as well, as did the beautiful and seemingly perfect pair of ice skaters Belousova and Protopovov...Zach Kerouac is brilliant.

And now gentle readers, I bid you adieu, and look forward to once again offering you the best of the written word.

But for now, as I travel the road less traveled,

Paul Piatt

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Grappling With Nostalgia

Cheeeeeers Chuckleheads, and Happy Friday!!

Recently the International Olympic Committee (IOC) announced that it is dropping wrestling from its list of sporting events effective with the 2020 Olympic Games.

I was shocked.  After all, wrestling is one of the most purest forms of sport ever, and I feel it is a sport that embodies the “Olympic spirit”, but evidently the IOC feels that while that may be true, it doesn't draw enough ticket sales or TV ratings.

I’m not a big wrestling fan myself, but I am a bit of traditionalist and one who can be very sentimental at times, and this news led me to think of things and people that I have experienced in my forty eight years that have gone to the wayside or been kicked to the curb.

So my friends…What follows is a list of people (excluding family, which is a given) and things that I miss from days gone by.

Rotary Phones…

Ah, the clickity clack sound of the rotary dialing.  I miss those big, black, ten pound, wall huggin’ phones.  I still remember the one we had at 1508 S. Limestone when I was 4 or 5 years old.

I remember one day standing on a chair and being handed the phone so I could talk to my sister Anne who was an army nurse in Vietnam.  It was mind altering hearing her from so far away.  The call was made even cooler by the fact that we had to say “over” when we finished our sentences.

I remember Anne telling me that she was sending my brother Marty and I piñatas.  We got them weeks later, but there was no candy inside. Darn clever those yellow devils, but I still do miss that phone.

Bunting…

Do some of you not know what a bunt is?  I’m sure you don’t, because today nobody in Major League Baseball knows how to lay down a good bunt.  When I played Little League, I received a trophy because I was so damn good at it.  The pitcher throws the ball and you either square around and bunt it where you want it to go, or drag it down the baseline at the last minute.

These days when the manly major leaguers go to bunt, they look like a female softball player takin’ a slap swing at the ball.  Pathetic!!

Phil Hartman…

I am not one who even comes close to being a person who suffers from celebrity worship syndrome, but Phil Hartman is one celeb that I did, and still do, adore.  Hartman was so damn talented in so many areas.  He was an actor, graphics guy, and just naturally funny.

You may know him from NewsRadio, or from SNL as the Anal Retentive Chef, but he always killed me when he played Bill Clinton.  That bastard had me at, “Warlords.”  Sadly, his drug addicted wife murdered him in 1998.  To this day I miss him, his talent, and the decades of laugh giving he had left in him.

Radio…

When I speak of radio, I specifically mean AM and short wave radio.  When I was a kid I would go to bed in Springfield, Ohio with an AM transistor radio and it was so cool, because at night I could pick up stations from NYC, Chicago, St. Louis, and hold on…Canada!! I thought that was so cool. Shortwave was the same thing only HUGE.  I could listen to stations all over the world!!

I still can, but it’s not a challenge.  I can just Google any radio station and click on to listen.  Back in the day it was work, I had to carefully get the tuner knob just right.  It was an accomplishment, and I miss that.

Yes, I just turned 48 recently, and I am not going through one of those “back in my day” things.  I love technology.  I love being able to talk to people I would otherwise never know. I love doing the IWS Radio show, but…

Just as wrestling was and is one of the roots of Olympic competition, the things that I have mentioned are part of my root system as a person, and I need to hold on to them if only in memory, and I hope that you too, take time to acknowledge things from your past that no matter how trivial, bring a smile to your face or make you reflect.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Jay's Random Notebook

Hola y’all! The other day I had to go to Walmart and when I walked in I saw they had all the Back to School shit on display up front. It immediately hit me that I needed to get a notebook and keep it with me at all times to write shit down in. I’ve talked about doing this before because I never remember anything I think of or something inspired by talking to friends or conversations or whatever, but have never actually done it. So, when I saw all the notebooks and pens on sale, I figured it was a sign from God.

The notebook only cost .97 cents. Regular price was $1.12, so not only did I get a notebook, but I now have the .15 cents to cover the ObamaCare increase in the price of a Papa John’s Pizza. I love it when everything works out perfectly like that.

Anyway, my plan is to keep the notebook with me and write shit down and hopefully generate a little more material for the blog and I’m With Stupid Podcast. In fact, I’ve already written down a few random thoughts to share with y’all here…

- A lot of people criticize the Olympics, but there are a lot of events where women compete while not wearing any pants.

- I think a lot of people are dismissive of Vienna Sausages just because they come in a can. But, caviar comes in a can to. Where’s the irrational canned caviar hate?

- I refilled the minutes on my old school Pay-As-You-Go cell phone. Now I can look forward to another 60 days of no calls or texts.

- Four years ago, General Wesley Clark was still thought of as a serious contender for the Vice Presidential slot if Hillary Clinton had won the democratic nomination. Now, he’s hosting another stupid reality show. Man, when you fall in America, you fall hard.

- Speaking of the show “Stars Earn Stripes” there’s no way I’m watching that show unless they promise me that some of the people on that show really will be killed. Otherwise it’s the same empty promises we get from soap operas.

-  If I could create magical spells I wouldn’t do anything else, EVER. That’s all I would do all day long. No blogging, podcasting, Twittering or anything else. I would just sit there and cast spells on people and things and especially on cats. Man, casting spells on cats would be so much fucking fun.

- One of the inspirational quotes I see posted on social media sites often is “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Every time I see that quote I want to add “But sometimes you have to beg.”

Okay, that’s enough of my randomness for today, we’ll do this again some other time. Maybe.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

--

Speaking of random, we had THE Random Cool Chick, Stacy Swenson Johnson from the blog Stacy Uncorked on the IWS podcast Sunday and she was freaking AWESOME!

- Stacy told us about her miracle baby (no, she really IS a miracle baby) Princess Nagger, and about going through the process of adopting Little Dude.

- Then we talked about her attending BlogHer and while she didn’t really dish much dirt on anyone, she did tell us about the person who tried to force a pretty famous blogger who doesn’t drink to take a bottle of homemade wine.

- Speaking of homemade wine, Stacy talked about getting into that and even marketing her own Princess Nagger Wines.

- And so, so much more! It was 45 minutes of non-stop inspiring and fun action. Totally check this one out!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

IWS Babe of the Week: Serena Williams

The IWS Babe of the Week is Gold Medal Tennis Champion Serena Williams!! Along with her sister Venus, Serena came straight outta Compton right to the top of the tennis world in 1995 and won the first of her 29 Grand Slam titles at the U.S. Open in 1999 and her most recent at Wimbledon this year at the age of 31!

Serena has her haters out there. People who don’t think she fits the American Beauty ideal have long criticized her becoming a sex symbol and fashion icon.

The American sports media has complained nonstop for 17 years now that Serena doesn’t kiss their ass the way they think she should. It really infuriates them when someone doesn’t do what they tell them to do and is still ultra-successful.

But, despite her haters, Serena will undoubtedly go down as the greatest female tennis player of her generation. And this weekend Serena added one more title, That of Olympic Champion after she crushed Maria Sharapova of Russia in the finals.

So congrats Serena Williams: All-American Champion and IWS Babe of the Week!

Matt Said, Jay Said XLVIII

Matt alkstay, Jay alkstay, You istlenlay.

Matt: Hello?
Jay: Yo
Matt: Oh … It’s … Yewww
Jay: Don’t act like you’re not excited.
Matt: Only a little really.
Jay: That’s only a little hurtful.
Matt: Life just be that way.
Jay: You’re just cold-hearted.
Matt: The world made me that way.
Jay: Life on the streets does that to a guy.

Matt: I have a serious problem.
Jay: Burning when you pee again?
Matt: I have two problems.
Jay: What’s the other one?
Matt: I have 499 friends on Facebook.
Jay: That is bad. That’s way too many to keep up with.
Matt: No, the problem is the odd number. I need one more very badly.
Jay: So add someone.
Matt: I’m trying to! I had 496 and tried to add four.
Jay: Ha! And only three accepted?
Matt: YES!
Jay: That’s a problem for you dude.
Matt: You mean “for you FREAKS” don’t you?
Jay: Oh no! We all have our personality quirks.
Matt: That’s what makes each of us special.
Jay: True, and you’re much more special than me.
Matt: Hey now! You’re quite the weirdo yourself.
Jay: Actually I meant you’re much more loved than me. I only have 199 friends.
Matt: No … People think you’re Mr. Sweet and Wonderful.
Jay: Only for a while, then they start hating me.
Matt: Well, I have noticed that, but didn’t want to say anything.

Matt: *pees while on the phone*
Jay: Very impressive stream.
Matt: Thank you. I’m very proud of my urinating power.
Jay: I don’t know about the rest of you, but you’re kidneys are excellent.
Matt: Oh the rest of me is done! Kidneys are all I have.
Jay: At least you have that.


Matt: Hey! You need to follow **Name Redacted**
Jay: No, No, No, No, No … I don’t either.
Matt: You’re missing out.
Jay: On a bunch of bullshit?
Matt: You really should follow him.
Jay: Okay, I will but you have to follow **Name Redacted**
Matt: Oh MANNNNNNNNN!
Jay: It’s only fair.
Matt: You play dirty. Mitt Romney is funnier than that guy.
Jay: Eh … He’ll probably block you really fast.
Matt: Well, there’s that. Okay, deal.

Jay: So Olympics show?
Matt: Kind of.
Jay: ???
Matt: How ‘bout Alternative Olympics?
Jay: Events we’d like to see?
Matt: Well, things like “Gay Olympics” “Redneck Olympics” “Ethnic Olympics”
Jay: “Handicapped Olympics?” “Midget Olympics?”
Matt: Yeah, stuff like that. We’ll hit every politically incorrect group.
Jay: We can do that!
Matt: Schmoop! Take notes.
Jay: Damn, a personal assistant.
Matt: You should get you one.
Jay: No kidding.
Matt: Schmoop! … Schmoop! … Please?
Jay: I need a more obedient one though.
Matt: It’s like she has a mind of her own.
Jay: Okay, so Alternative Olympics it is.
Matt: Gonna be HUGE!

There you go folks! Just a couple of genii doing what they do best. And, don’t forget to tune into Sunday’s I’m With Stupid as we present the Alternative Olympics!