Holaaaaaaaaaa y’all! Well, we might have had a mild spring
down here, but it looks like summer is going to be a scorcher! Temperatures here
in the Greater Redneckville Metropolitan Area have already skyrocketed into the
mid-nineties and humidity seems to have set in for the next few months at
least. Of course, for many people this is good news. People love to get out and
be active in the summertime and let me tell ya, there are lots of great places
for that around here.
Some people like to go up to Bull Shoals Lake and go
fishing, boating and swimming. I’m good with the
fishing and boating thing, but
I don’t know about swimming. I mean, have you gotten a whiff of the lake water
lately? It’s pretty stank. Besides, fish poop in there and I’m not a fan of
swimming in fish poop. Also, please practice catch and release because there’s
no way I’m eating anything that comes out of that cesspool. My fish comes
frozen and breaded from the store thank you very much.
A lot of people also like to go down to the Buffalo River
and go canoeing, tubing and swimming down there. The problem with that is that
the further you canoe or tube down the river, the further you have to have to
haul that shit back to your car. Oh sure, you can hire folks to do that for
you, but that’s expensive. I think spending that money on a beachfront condo in
Ft. Walton Beach sounds like a much better idea.
As for swimming in the Buffalo? No thanks. Again, fish poop
all over the place. Plus, people always want to jump off cliffs or swing off
the cliff on a rope and then into the water. Sounds like a great way to bang
your head off some rock and get knocked to stupid, so I’ll pass. It also just
looks snakey to me down there.
There are also many great hiking trails all around the
Ozarks. Boy what fun that is, huh? Getting out there during the heat of the day
walking along some trail deep into the woods in the American South? What could
possibly go wrong?
Oh gee, I don’t know! Maybe you could get mauled by a black
bear? Or bitten by one the handful of poisonous snakes in this area? Or maybe a
big old Elk will take a dislike to you and trample you without warning? Those
things have been known to be pretty unpredictable, ya know! Or maybe you’ll
just get lost and wander onto someone’s property and get blown up by a booby
trap they have set up around their marijuana fields? Sounds like so much fun huh? Yeah, no.
Another option would be to just to the pool here at my
apartment complex. This isn’t too bad of an idea. I enjoy lounging around the
pool and swimming. It’s good to get out there and just lay back and catch some
rays to get that “healthy glow.” A bonus is all the Cougars and MILF’s running around
in bikinis. That definitely makes things more enjoyable. Of course you can’t
spell MILF without the “M” and that means kids. Obnoxious, screaming, crying,
pissing in the pool kids! *sigh* So much for hanging out at the pool.
The only thing left is cooking out. This is something I can
totally support. Cooking hot dogs, brats, burgers, chicken, pork chops,
potatoes, veggies and all kinds of other stuff on the grill is one of the great
summer traditions that we can all enjoy. What’s really great about grilling is
that you can drink beer while doing it and when the food is done you put it on
a platter and go back inside where the air conditioning is blasting away and there
is comfortable seating.
Now THAT’S how you enjoy summer folks!
