Turn That Frown Upside Down

Cheers Chuckleheads…Matt-Man here.

Those of you who know me, know that of late, I have been a grumpy stump.  Mr. Crabby Appleton.   One pissed off muthha---Shut Your Mouth!!

Concerns over Schmoop’s health, her upcoming 4-7 hour surgery, and our tenuous financial state of affairs, has recently caused me to become a bitter, angry, and worrisome middle-aged man.

So…

Today I am going to think positive, try to stem the tide of doom and gloom, and perk myself up by listing upon these revered pages of the IWS website, some things that make me happy.

A longtime friend of mine asked me the other day if I still enjoyed baloney sandwiches topped with cottage cheese and Cheetos.  That brought a smile to my face because I love them!!

And then I realized, due to my advanced state of gum disease and rapidly deteriorating teeth, I can no longer enjoy the cheesy crunch of Cheetos, nor bread if it is crusty, and the baloney?  It has to be sliced into small bits…so, well…I can still enjoy a bowl of cottage cheese, I guess.

One of the goings on here in the Bagwine digs that makes feel all warm and happy, is that sometimes early in the morning, our cat Corky will hop on my chest and sleep on me while I am doing the same.  I like that a lot, or at least I did.

The other morning at roughly 7:15 in the AM as I was comfortably slumbering with Corky resting upon my chest, I was awoken by a sound that can be described only as, “Shizzzz-Pffft!!”   Uh-huh, my cat had sneezed on me, and not a cute, gentle, little feline sneeze.  Noooooooo.

It was as if Sarah Jessica Parker had been lying on my chest and blew a sneeze out her uber-ample sniffer which covered my face with every drip, drop, and lining of her equine-sized sinus cavity.  A Ding-Dang-Do. Oh well.

Oh!!  Here ya go…this made me very happy.  Schmoop and her brother got a hotel room for Thursday night in Columbus which is only 3-5 minutes away from the hospital.  It’s nice to know that they won’t have to get up at 3 in the morning on Friday, and drive from Bagwine to Columbus in order to be there for her surgery check-in time of 5 AM.

Of course, since her brother has the car and will be staying with her throughout the surgery and her 7-10 day recovery, that means that instead of walking back and forth to work for 7-10 days, I’ll be walking back and forth to work for 8-10 days.  WTF?

It is nice to know that Schmoop and I beat the man and unemployment eventually took her word over her boss’.   Damn right!!  Unemployment finally approved her claim!!  Of course, she can’t receive any money until her Doctor clears her to look for a job, and that won’t be until mid-January at the earliest.  Uuch.

Okay, okay…I gots one for you, and yes, this one makes me happy without any negativity.

As I am typing this, I am bitching and whining to myself about having an extremely sore throat, and the fact that I am losing my voice.  Well, while greatly saddened about Schmoop, I should be grateful, that I, unlike Schmoop, am suffering from a minor medical malady.

I am grateful and will be vastly more grateful if sometime Friday, I get a call at work from Schmoop’s brother telling me that the surgery went well and there is no cancer.  With soreness and raspiness of voice, I am going to laugh, cry, and celebrate in loud and jubilant song.

Of course…

After dropping a throat lozenge to ease the pain of my vocal outburst of joy, I will say to myself…

“I am so happy that my Schmoopie is cancer free, but this “sore throat” I have?  I bet it’s cancer of the larynx God Dammit!!”

Man…this finding my happy place thing is going to take more effort.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS

Living in a Van Down by the River

Cheers Bitches, and Happy Monday…Matt-Man here.

There are quite a few things going on and going down in my life this week, so I’d thought I’d do a pre-cap of all the action that will be unfolding, so when I go over the edge, you’ll know what is going on and why I will have lost my mind.

Found out yesterday that my BFF/OSP Schmoop who hasn't worked since October 22 due to health issues, has been denied at least her first two weeks of unemployment compensation, and may not get any whatsoever.

Apparently, her newly former boss who laid her off, claims to the powers that be, when questioned by the those who give the thumbs up or down to a claimant’s request, that…

“Laid her off!?  Oh no, that’s crazy talk.  There’s plenty of work for her to do here.”

The whiplash that I incurred when Schmoop informed me that that is what the folks at unemployment told her that that is what they had been told by said boss left me feeling and sounding like Dr. Phil.

I…was…STUPIFIED!!

The entire thing would be inexplicable except for one incredibly undeniable and transparent fact…her newly former boss is, and always has been, a completely selfish and self-centered dick who has no regard for anyone unless they are making money for him.

And here is what really disconcerting and foremost in my mind…This Friday, the lovely, yet soon to be indigent Schmoop is going under the knife at OSU Medical Center.

She will be on the table and under the knife for anywhere from 4-7 hours, as Dr. Rawalpindi removes a mass from her bile duct.

It’s bad enough that she has to worry about that, but due to the actions of her newly former boss, she has to worry that after her discharge from the hospital, which will take anywhere from 7-10 days, Schmoop will have to worry if she and we, have a home in which to stay come January.

Am I being hokie?  Am I being melodramatic?

No.

During the chaos surrounding her surgery , the battles over not being compensated, and the trepidation she has over the possibility of having cancer, Schmoop has had only one overriding fear and a singular point of ultimate sorrow…

She said to me…

“This apartment, for as small as it is, is home. I never felt that way at my house growing up, nor when I lived with John, but this is our home, and I don’t want to lose it.”

Here is what this unfeeling, un-thinking, ego-centric, self -serving jerk of a boss doesn’t understand…

With the arrogant and flippant statement he made to the folks at the unemployment office, he not only prevented Schmoop from garnering her opulent unemployment salary of $230.00 per week, he may have kicked her out of the home she loves as well.

Perhaps he doesn't realize that, or…perhaps he does.  Either way…

Even after twelve years of dedicated and loyal service on Schmoop’s behalf to him and his company, confidence is high that he doesn't really care.

And sadly, because of his actions, instead of merely worrying about her surgery, Schmoop has to worry about the financial situation as well.

Well…As I am not one to stand idly by, I will make sure he has to worry about his as well.  Letting his customers know the truth about him and his business practices is one way to do just that.

It won’t make our financial situation any better, but when Schmoop and I are living in a van down by the river, it’ll make me feel much better.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

On a lighter note…Jay and I broadcast a most festive and astounding celebration of Hanukkah on the IWS Radio Show Saturday night.  We had music, frivolity, and a regaling of all things Jewish.  We also checked-in with Dour Mike and Ariel Sharon.  If you missed it live, you can catch the magic right here: