Matt Said Jay Said 301.688.5849

Matt jokes, Jay jokes, You joke too!

Matt: Cheers!
Jay: Holaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Matt: I think we’re ready!
Jay: Hell ye … What was that?
Matt: What was what?
Jay: I thought I heard something.
Matt: *listens* I don’t hear anything.
Jay: Okay, that’s cool.
Matt: Have you been drinking?
Jay: No why?
Matt: You’re hear … Wait!
Jay: Uh-huh!
Matt: Something’s messed up.
Jay: I know. I don’t know what it is though.
Matt: Me either.
Jay: I’ll call you back and see if it’s better.
Matt: Good idea.

*Jay calls Matt back*

Matt: Hello? 

Jay: Hello?
Matt: Do you hear anything?
Jay: Nope.
Matt: Okay then.
Jay: Whew! That was weird.
Matt: Even weirder than usual for us.
Jay: I know ri … WHAT WAS THAT?
Matt: You know what it sounds like?
Jay: Heavy breathing?
Matt: Yes! That’s it.
Jay: Is Corky asleep on the phone?
Matt: No, she’s staring at Schmoop eating a burger.
Jay: Huh. This …. Wait a minute!
Matt: OH MY GOD!
Jay and Matt: We got an NSA agent who is a fucking pervert!!!
Matt: Gross!
Jay: That really pisses me off!
Matt: Really offensive.
Jay: On the plus side, I think I would be a GREAT NSA agent.

Matt: You do have excellent stalking skills.
Jay: I prefer “reconnaissance” please.
Matt: Either way, you’re tireless in your pursuit of people.
Jay: Hey now! Your snooping skills are top notch too.
Matt: Well, I’m good at digging up dirt. I mean information.
Jay: I think the NSA would be lucky to have us working for them!
Matt: They would barely have to train us at all.
Jay: Just teach us to not follow the rules.
Matt: Exactly! Beat the honesty out of us and we’d be perfect.
Jay: If Lorne Michaels doesn’t call we outta pursue this idea.
Matt: We might think about it … IF … Lorne doesn’t call.
Jay: Even if Lorne does call, we might think about it.
Matt: We are great Americans like that.
Jay: True. And having that kind of power does excite me a bit.
Matt: Oooo … Good point. I for one would never abuse that!
Jay: Not at all.

Matt: So, Joke Show time again!!!
Jay: It’s the happiest day of the year!
Matt: Totally!
Jay: It’s gonna be so much fun.
Matt: Lots of smiles and laughter.
Jay: That’s what we’re all about!
Matt: AAAAAND! … Audience participation!
Jay: We have a couple of commitments from people.
Matt: I can’t wait to hear what they’ve worked up.
Jay: And, a couple of audios from other listeners.
Matt: HILARIOUS!
Jay: And our correspondents!
Matt: And some Public Service Announcements.
Jay: I’m excited!
Matt: Me too!
Mystery Voice: OHHHHHH YEAAHHHHHHH!
Jay:
Matt:
Jay and Matt: GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Be sure to tune into “Show Me the Funny!” Sunday at 12 Noon ET on I’m With Stupid! It’s gonna be a riot!

Joe Biden is a Great American

Hola Great Americans and everyone else! Vice President Joe Biden is getting a lot of credit for pushing President Obama into finally coming out in favor of Gay Marriage. And, he does deserve a lot of credit. Maybe not as much as IWS Radio, but he does deserve some credit. Anyway, what most people don’t know is that Joe Biden has played a major role in many very important moments in American History….

1620: I think something like a “Mayflower Compact” would be a great thing to do to set a few rules and whatnot.

1752: Yo Bennie … Why don’t you go fly a fucking kite, huh?

1773: I think we should all have one more pint and then go throw all that fucking tea into Boston Harbor.

1776: You know Tommy-Boy, if you have so damn many problems with the Brits, maybe you should just sit down and list them all and then have everyone sign it and mail it to the King? Aaaaaaand, if you really wanna piss him off, you should tell him that “All men are created equal!”

1785: I don’t see any reason to admit a state that wants to call itself “Franklin.” That’s just a stupid name. I mean, I know they’re worried about being associated with the Carolinas, and what those people might do in the future, but still, I wouldn’t accept their application for admission into the union.

1789: Oh I’m definitely running for President, and I think I can beat this George Washington guy.

1789: BTW, we need a Constitution. That’s a pretty big fucking deal, yanno?

1791: I’m completely comfortable with a “Bill of Rights.” I think it’s necessary.

1803: I’m not much of a shopper, but I would sure as hell by the Louisiana Territory.

1815: I think sending Col Jackson down the Mighty Mississip and kicking some British Ass at New Orleans really needs to happen.

1836: I think you have to stand your ground and defend the Alamo to the last man. But, that’s just my opinion.

1857: I’m completely and totally opposed to the Dread Scott decision. You know, I gave Jefferson that whole “All men are created equal” line and I meant it.

1863: I would issue an Emancipation Proclamation. I’m comfortable with that.

1884: I’m running for President again!

1896: Plessy v Ferguson decision is bullshit!

1920: Gotta let women vote. Com on guys! We just gotta.

1933-1951: I’m good with whatever FDR and Truman are doing. (Bonus from ’51: “I’d fire that asshole MacArthur!”)

1952, 56, 60: I’m running!

1964: I think the Civil Rights Act is a swell idea and I’d sign that bad boy!

1968, 72, 76, 84, 88, 92, 2000, 20004, 20008: I’m running! 

2011: You know, somebody needs to put a bullet in Osama bin Laden’s head and dump that piece of shit in the ocean.

So, as you can see, Joe Biden has done so much good for America over the years. I’m so glad he is finally getting the recognition he deserves.

Jayman
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