Holaaaaaaa lovers of the finer things in life! Have you guys
heard about the panic over the looming chocolate shortage? OMG!!! I call
bullshit on this. I think this is just a way for Big Chocolate to justify
raising their prices. They know they can’t do that without criticism and having
to deal with huge crowds of PMSing women protesting outside their offices. So
what did they do? They got some corporate shill who doesn't eat chocolate to
write a fake story about climate change, dry weather in Africa, Ebola, rapidly
rising demand in China (blaming China is always a great move) and other shit to
give them cover to raise prices. It’s
pretty outrageous if you ask me.
This isn’t the first time an industry has manufactured a
fake shortage to raise prices. Big Bacon did it just a couple of years. Bacon is ridiculously
expensive now. Did that slow anyone down? Hell no! We’re still eating bacon and
there is no shortage. BTW, it’s not my style to go all “conspiracy theory guy”
on y’all, but I do have a theory about who is to blame for this. Yup, none
other than Kevin Bacon himself! Quit watching his movies and TV shows and just
let him fade away and pork prices will fall back to normal.
And let’s not forget about the big, fat, fake “hops shortage”
Big Beer has been alleging the last few years. PU-LEEEEEEZE!!! People have been
drinking the hell outta beer ever since there were Vikings and the Irish. Now, all
of the sudden like in 2014 there’s this mysterious beer shortage? This is the
biggest load of hooey I’ve ever heard of. And, just who could possibly be to
blame for THIS so-called shortage???
Uh … Well … Heh …. Uh … It’s still bullshit. Probably. *puts
hands in pockets* *walks away while looking at the sky and whistling*
Anyhoodle, there is one area that really is experiencing a
shortage: Fine Art. Most of the greatest pieces of art have been bought up by
collectors, rich people with more money than sense and museums. Heck, just this
last week a one-of-a-kind piece of truly stunning art was listed as up for
auction at Sotheby’s. Take a look at this thing! Isn’t it beautiful? Bidding
starts at $1,475,923.36 AMERICAN!
