Arizona: Leviticus for Thee, but Not for Me

Holaaaaaaaaa! I know a lot of wonderful people who live in Arizona. They’re smart, educated and decent and in some cases hot as hell. Arizona seems like it should be a great place. The weather is awesome. Phoenix is a great city with lots to offer its residents. It’s too bad that most of people who live there are not only batshit crazy, but are also despicable pieces of human debris full of hatred and bigotry. That’s unfortunate but obviously true otherwise they wouldn’t keep voting for people who pass blatantly discriminatory laws. So, to help Arizona out, I came up with some new state slogans for them.

Welcome to Arizona …

- The Uganda of the West

- Our Borders and Minds are Always Closed

- Gay Money is no Good Here

- Hate Lives Here

- Stay in the Closet Please  

- Where Bigots Come to Play

- A Straight White Man’s Paradise

- Because Idaho is Extreme Enough

- No Rear Entry  

- Go Be Gay Somewhere Else 

- The KKK Loves Us

- Guns Guts and God

- NO HOMOS! 

- Equal Protection Under the Law for Some

- Even God’s Rainbow isn’t Welcome Here

- It’s Worse than You Imagine

- Our Hate is Real

- Only the Heritage Foundation Supports Us

- Open for Business for SOME People

- Papers Please

I know Jan Brewer vetoed SB1062. Blah, Blah, Blah … Basically she told everyone to just wait until after Super Bowl XLIX and then try again.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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Where is Jan Brewer?

Hola y’all! Arizona governor Jan Brewer has up and left the state of Arizona and while her staff appears to know where she is, they’re refusing to tell anyway. Needless to say this has a lot of people very worried. Is she sick? Is she off finding herself? Did she just wander off and get lost? Well, I’ve put together a list of places and things she could be doing that should put everyone’s at ease…

- She’s off getting an abortion because the laws in her state have made it nearly impossible for a woman to get one.

- She’s gone to Kenya in one last attempt to prove Obama isn’t a citizen before the electoral college votes.

- She’s getting a face lift. Might need an extra week.

- She’s here in Redneckville helping me put this TV stand together.

- Hiking the Appalachian Trail.

- She’s at a secret resort in Mexico with her lover, Guillermo.

- The Betty Ford Clinic. OH COME ONE! YOU WERE THINKING IT TOO!

- Klan meetings.

- Shacked up in a Washington hotel with fellow drunk John Boehner helping him with his own personal physical cliff. (Okay that one was pretty weak and I don’t know what it means either.)

- Filling in for Elena Roger for a week in Evita on Broadway.

- Getting her apocalypse bunker ready for before the December, 21 deadline.

- She’s spending the week in quiet reflection at the Dhammakaya Internation Meditation Center of Taipei.

- She bought the “undisclosed location” that Dick Cheney used while VP and is refurnishing it.

- Following the Lady GaGa tour through Russia.

- She’s “interviewing” to be Matt-Man’s intern while Schmoop is in the hospital.

- She’s taking care of Kate Middleton for a week or so while she gets over her severe morning sickness.

- She’s spending the week on the Greenpeace ship “Rainbow Warrior” heading to New Zealand.

- She’s helping Occupy Wall Street prepare for their winter assault.

- She’s gone to Disneyland!

As you can see Gov. Brewer has lots of options and is probably off doing something fun and educational or she’s out there doing good things for the world. There’s obviously nothing to worry about.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS