Christmas Is the Time to Say I Love You

Cheeeeeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and a Happy Tuesday to you all.

Do you realize what day it is?  It’s exactly three weeks and one day prior to Christmas, and I always observe December 3rd as my…

What Do I Want for Christmas Day!!

Why do I observe such a day three weeks and one day prior to Christmas, you ask?

Well…

Three weeks may be plenty for a normal person to decide what they want for Christmas, but as I am one who procrastinates, that extra day provides me with a much needed buffer between Christmas joy and being left with an empty feeling when I receive nothing but leftover love from my son on Christmas, as Jay and I discussed on Sunday’s, IWS Radio broadcast.

Anyhoo…

If I really were to want something for Christmas, I would want a Grade A microphone/headset combination.  I mean, the one I have is okay, but it sounds “tinny” no matter what adjustments I make to it.  I have a whiny voice to begin with and the tinny sounding microphone doesn't help to improve my voice nor my rep.

New speakers for my computer would be nice as well.  The speakers that I currently have, are getting a little tired.  I think that perhaps, too many Stubby Stonehenge replays through their tiny tweeters and woofers have distorted their sound.  Yeah, new speakers would be nice.

There’s one last thing I would like…okay two actually.

A block of Velveeta “cheese”, and a Cassano’s pizza or sub.

I know…boring, right?

Perhaps to some of the younger hipsters, but I have discovered something as I type this two months shy of my 49th birthday.  As I get older, Christmas means something much different than it did when I was a kid or even ten years ago.

I’m not talking about having a liturgical type of religious experience or anything, but Christmas has become, in a way, a time of year and day, that as my age rears its ugly head, a time that I also recognize all of the old friendships that grace my life.

The first time that Christmas made me feel old was about ten years ago.  My mom called me and asked what I would like for Christmas.  I didn't ask for a cool and hip toy, game, or latest what have ya like I did when I was a kid.  Noooooooo…I said to Mom…

“I could really use some new socks, or maybe a new white dress shirt, or a tie.”

IKR?  That’s pretty sexy.  Nearly as sexy as wanting a block of Velveeta or a Cassano’s pizza, but here’s the thing.

As I get older, if someone asks me what I would like for Christmas, it is always something I need, because as for me, the excitement of Christmas has become not the gift, but the rekindling and reconnecting with people that I like and I love.

My favorite part of Christmas is going to my brother’s house on Christmas Eve and partying with my family, all the while exchanging gift cards that we would probably buy ourselves for ourselves, and then…

Spending Christmas Day with Schmoop as we play music, eat way too much, drink way too much, and laugh way too much (if that’s possible) all damn day.

I don’t believe that Christmas as observed is the actual day of the birth of Jesus, and I do believe that if Christ were alive today, he would be appalled by its celebration, but I do think one thing.

Be it a hoax, a religious event, a secularist party, or just another day on the calendar, Christmas is an excellent time and/or excuse to reconnect with, and drunk dial those you love.

And if that’s all Christmas truly is, I like that…a lot.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_IWS
My Facebook Page    

Exotic and Mysterious Omaha Nebraska

Located on a bend in the Missouri River on the far eastern edge of Nebraska and spreading out across the windswept plains of the great American Midwest farmland is one of the more surprising cities in the U.S. Omaha is home to around 450,000 of the most sensible, decent and friendliest people you’ll ever meet.

Over the past half-century or so Omaha has transformed itself from a small cow town that was home to the largest stockyards in the world to a surprisingly ethnically and racially diverse (Omaha gave us both Gerald Ford and Malcolm X, how opposite are those two?) modern American city that is home to such “old economy” giants as Union Pacific Railroad and ConAgra Foods and “new economy” companies like Ameritrade and Pay Pal. It’s also home to the Gallup Corp and is a major insurance center. At the top of the heap is, of course Berkshire Hathaway. The company founded by one of the richest men in the world (and notorious cheapskate) Warren Buffett.

The ethnic diversity, led by the influx of immigrants from Europe and then African Americans is part of what gives Omaha its flavor. The north side with its Little Italy, Greek Town and other ethnic neighborhoods, is the center of that diversity. This has also resulted in a rather astonishing 700 plus restaurants, pubs and specialty markets scattered throughout the city.

Omaha also does not disappoint in the area of cultural activities either. From the Omaha Symphony to numerous concerts and sporting events to the largest community theater in the country, founded in part by Marlon Brando’s mother (who encouraged a teenage Henry Fonda to go into acting when he was performing in plays at the Omaha Community Playhouse), there is always something going on there. In addition to that there is the North Omaha Music Scene known for its rich history of jazz and blues music.

Just south of the downtown area is Offutt Air Force Base. Offutt is the longtime home of the Strategic Air Command and the 55th Wing. The wing’s mission is to provide worldwide reconnaissance, real-time intelligence, command and control, information warfare and combat support to U.S. leaders and commanders. These are the men and women who stood watch over this big, fat, dumb, happy country throughout the darkest days of the cold war and continue to do so today in the Global War on Terror™. It’s also home to the Strategic Air Command Museum.

Now I know what you are saying. You’re saying “We are talking about Nebraska here, right? The state that gave us Larry the Cable Guy? The state with miles and miles and miles of corn fields? The state where they brag that ‘there’s nothing between us and the arctic circle but four barbed wire fences and some moose’?”

Yup, that state.

Oh sure, the weather there pretty much sucks. Their only two seasons are tornado and blizzard. Most of the drivers slow down when approaching intersections even if the light is green, because IT MIGHT turn yellow and it would be rude to run a yellow light. And the drivers maintain a reasonable speed of 44.9 miles per hour when the speed limit is 45 on a wide open road because “it was set at 45 for a reason and that’s the safe speed.” And Omaha is a place where wearing a Hawaiian shirt would be considered a bit showy.

If you’ve never been to the American Midwest it’s really hard to explain it to you. They’re just different there. They believe that local is better and do their best to hold national chains at arm’s length. Seriously, why is that people go on vacation and eat at the same national chains that they eat at when they are home? You guys do realize that those places suck, right? Applebees, Chilis, TGIF McFunsters, whatever. They are the scourge of the American culinary scene. Not to mention the fact that Omaha is a city that believes that sure there’s lots of unique dining experiences available to you and some really fancy gourmet places, but sometimes it’s okay to just go out and get a really good, juicy steak cooked medium rare and some potatoes with none of those boring vegetables to get in the way.

Anyway, it’s kind of nice to know that the Midwest is still there and it really hasn’t changed all that much. There’s genuineness to the place and the people there. Residents of Omaha are quick with a smile and a good firm handshake. And when they look you in the eye and ask you how you are doing, they really want to know HOW you are doing. And people who believe that it’s okay to just be a regular person. And, you know what? They may be onto something there.

So, if you ever get the chance to travel through the Midwest, don’t just race through. Take some time to stop and meet the locals and look around. You might be pleasantly surprised with what you find.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS 

In other news, IWS Radio made its triumphant return on Sunday after a week off and it was a doozy! Matt and Jay talked about their Thanksgiving experiences. Jay with all of his all-natural organic turkey and side items and Matt with his highly processed turkey and canned and boxed sides. Also, Jay talked about the car trouble he experienced on his way to Omaha.

Then it came time to enter into battle in the War on Christmas. Matt and Jay took sides with, well, both sides kind of. Mostly they agreed that they don’t understand it. Also chiming in was Paul Piatt, Rev Moneymaker, Bobby Kraft, Joey Goodbar and we got a Black Friday report from Dusty Sandman. Plus our favorite Canadian Jamie called in! Check it out! 

New Comedy Podcasts with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

IWS Radio is Tan, Rested, and Ready!!

Theyyyyyyyyyyy're Back!!

That's right folks...after taking a week off during the Thanksgiving season in order to spend time with those who can most tolerate them, Jay and Matt are back!!

And.........!!

THE Number Comedy Show on Blog Talk Radio airs LIVE today from Noon-2 PM ET as Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio gang, kick off the holiday season by bringing you...

War on Christmas 2013:  Rise of the Tinsel!!

Join IWS Radio today as the dynamic duo breaks down this season's yuletide battle plans, gives the low down on the holiday season thus far, mocks Gretchen Carlson, and gives honor and glory to the Holy Baby Jeebus.

Rev. Moneymaker, Paul Piatt, and a cast of thousands will be on hand to help Jay and Matt capture the blow by blow carnage of this year's War on Christmas.

All of that plus your phone calls TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET on IWS Radio.  To catch all of the socio-religious military action LIVE, click HERE.