Analyzing White Male Democratic Candidate Fashion

I think the media is really sleeping on the amazing fashion show going on among the white* males who are running for the democratic nomination for president. Have you been paying attention to these guys? No? That’s probably for the best, but if you do take a little time to check them out, you will see that they have VERY different styles. Not, political style, of course. They all pretty much push the same policies. However, they have radically different ideas about fashion! Let’s see what each candidate is saying by his fashion choices.

Joe Biden: Okay, we all know Joe, right? He was vice president for eight years. He’s run for president, I don’t know, fifteen, twenty times? He was senator from the tiny state of Delaware for something like sixty years. Most importantly, Joe is cool and confident. He’s giving off that image of an elder statesman that has seen it all. Nothing's gonna rattle him. Whatever happens, day or night, Joe is calm, cool and collected. Mostly, cool.

Bernie Sanders: You might notice that Bernie quietly ditched the disheveled, “I’m too busy trying to guarantee everyone healthcare to be bothered with my appearance,” look for a more distinguished “If you think about it, I damn-near became president in 2016” look. He even threw out his Goodwill suits and bought some high quality “Leader of the Free World” suits. He’s no longer the insurgent candidate. He’s the front-runner and he’s looking the part.

Beto O’Rourke: HERE’S your insurgent look folks! Beto keeps it simple and doesn’t bother with the full suit look. He’s rockin’ the custom-fitted dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up look. This man screams “I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty and do some work for the American people.” Plus, he as the added “Hey tell your grandma to check me out. Don’t I look like Bobby Kennedy?” Vibe going.

Cory Booker: Cory has taken Beto’s jacket, but not his tie. Sen Booker wants everyone know that he’s young, casual and approachable, but ready to be serious when it’s warranted. He can whip that tie out of his jacket pocket, button up the shirt and transition into “Listen Kim Jong Un, I don’t what to have to repeat myself. I’m a serious man and I said what I said and enough of these childish fits” mode.

Pete Buttigieg: Mayor Pete wants everyone to know he’s different. He’s the only tie, but no jacket guy in the race. He’ll even roll up his sleeves about halfway up his forearms. Why not above the elbows? Because he’s a bit of tease. Pete’s look is all about being young and playful. He’s completely confident in who he is and doesn’t have to impress anyone, but still wants there to be a bit of mystery about him. And, even though you don’t see it this pic, he’s also not afraid to wear brown shoes with blue pants, and if he’s willing to take bold risks in fashion, just imagine how creative he’ll be in dealing with the housing shortage.

John Hickenlooper: The former Mayor of Denver and Governor of Colorado is more than just a funny name. He’s a funny guy. Just look at his mischievous devil-may-care grin and “I got a haircut at Super Cuts with a coupon I got in the Sunday paper” hairdo. He’s oozing folksy charm with his Rocky Mountain High shirts that he keeps casually unbuttoned at the top. He’s everyone’s favorite uncle quick with a joke and known as the family raconteur. He’s fun at parties, but tends to get cold easily hence his not rolling the sleeves up.

Alright, there you have it people. Again, don’t believe what the Fake News tells y’all about all these white* male candidates being interchangeable. As you can see, they are VERY diverse and each has his own fascinating fashion quirks. The Democratic Party, AND AMERICA are obviously in good hands with any of these fine white* men.

*Okay, Okay. You win. Yes, TECHNICALLY Cory Booker is black, but you have to admit that his fashion style is pretty white.

Jayman
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