In Search of Moderate Syrian Rebels

Holaaaaaaaa y’all! As you probably know by now, the US Congress and Senate have given President Obama approval to identify and arm “moderate” Syrian Rebels to fight ISIS and whomever is a problem for us over there. Well, IWS World Media News has attained a copy of the questions that military advisors will be asking random Syrians to find these “moderate” rebels.

1. Are you now or have you ever been an extremist?

2. Do you think the offsetting personal foul call in football is appropriate?

3. Would you happily drive a light brown Honda Accord?

4. Do you enjoy it when David Broader writes about his bipartisan dreams in the WAPO?

5. Would you be perfectly happy living in the American Midwest?

6. Are you willing to do what’s right even though it might not be what’s popular?

7. John McCain: Great Maverick or Greatest Maverick EVAH?

8. Do you support REASONABL individual liberty and regulations in political and social reform?

9. Would you be willing to serve on a bipartisan blue ribbon committee?

10. Do you know pornography when you see it?

11. Do you usually prefer vanilla milk shakes?

12. Do you prefer a daily routine over just “winging it?”

13. Do you use food safe gloves when handling raw meats?

14. Are you a fan of simple plain hamburgers?

15. Do you type out then delete status updates and Tweets because you’re worried they might offend someone?

16. Are you unhappy with big changes?

17. Are you a “don’t sweat the small stuff” type of guy?

18. Do you think that both sides of any argument usually make some good points?

19. Do you reject labels?

20. Do you think both Fox News and MSNBC are too extreme?

I see no way this can go badly at all. Consider ISIS (or ISIL) as good as defeated!

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