Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Is It Hot Enough For Ya, and Other Stupid Phrases

Cheers and a Happy Tuesday to you all.

After a long and brutal winter, spring/summer is about to break in Bagwine, Ohio, and let me tell you...

While I am looking forward to the warm temps, I am not looking forward to the ensuing, sarcastic, trying to be funny question…

“Hot enough for ya?”

Oh…Dear…God.

Let me tell you now folks; if you are resident of Bagwine and we finally hit the eighties after the testicular shrinking cold winter that we have had, and you ask me if it is hot for me..?

I am going to respond with…

No!!  It can never be hot enough, you know why?  Because prior to this past winter, I only had a three inch dick to begin with, and NOW it’s only an inch and a half long, because I lost half of it to frostbite, you stupid, just wanna talk to talk for no reason dullard.

And now that I think about it, there are a few more sayings, bon mots, and colloquialisms that I want erased from every record, obelisk, and page of mankind which are the following…

First up, this one…

“It is what it is.”

Really Einstein?  If I get run over by a car, are you gonna come to my bedside in the hospital while I am lying drugged up on dilaudid and tell me that my situation. “is what it is?”  Dumb Ass.

“Ya win some; you lose some.”

That is so deep, you Nietzsche fuck…Perhaps you would like to say that to my kids who won’t eat this week because I put my money on the wrong horse this week.

“That’ll happen sometimes.”

I tripped and hurt my knee.  “That’ll happen sometimes.” is your response.   Hello?  Yes I know, because it happened yesterday and it has happened many times before, and I just told you that it did.

“All things happen for a reason.”

Wow…I never knew that Mr./Ms. Descartes…I never realized that the reason that I didn't get laid last night was because I told Schmoop that her ham and potato casserole was good when she was hoping for an “excellent” rating from me.

“I’m in good company when I’m with Stupid.”

On the surface, it’s a sweet phrase, however…Jamie, the one who uttered this phrase has never invited neither Jay nor I to her home.  So you see? Sure, Jamie loves us…over the privacy and the protection of the internet, but…

She refuses to have us as houseguests and keeps us at arm’s length which is kinda hurtful.  But…We still love her.

In all seriousness, (especially excluding my Jamie reference, we love her in spite of the non-invite) please…Hot enough?  All things happen for a reason?  Is it hot enough for ya?  Stop it!!

Ask and/or state these things in a funnier more creative way…Perhaps, when it gets really damn hot, you could say…

"If Ann Coulter would spread her legs more often, we’d have Global Cooling."

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

6 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Dude, you thought outside the box, got right too and made sure this post packed a powerful punch.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: And Jayman, not only did I give 110%, I played within myself. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt

Mike said...

I haven't seen the Canadian caboose picture in awhile. Thanks for the view.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: It gets hot north of the border Mike. Cheers!!

Matt

jAMiE said...

Well I don't think it's fair to say I've 'refused' to invite you and Jay over for some Molson Canadians and some poutine...it was rude of me and SO un-Canadian of me. So let me right the wrong. You are both invited over any time...assuming you get through border security!

Love you guys!

I'm With Stupid said...

Jamie: That's HOT. We'll be right up. Cheers Jamie!!

Matt