Thursday, January 16, 2014

Jay's Imaginary Friend: The Brawl

Holaaaaaaaaaa! Look who just showed up out of nowhere? Yup, it’s my Imaginary Friend, "IF" …

IF: Hey, whatcha up to?
Jay: Oh crap. You again?
IF: I’ve missed you too.
Jay: I don’t think you have.
IF: Well I have whether you believe it or not.
Jay: Whatever. What are you doing here?
IF: I just wanted to see you and hang out with you.
Jay: Okay, you’ve seen me, now leave.
IF: WOW! You’ve gotten really mean lately.
Jay: Why do you always show up when I’m sick, in pain, haven’t slept or all three?
IF: I just have great timing, I guess.
Jay: I guess.
IF: Maybe I show up in times of stress because you need me?
Jay: I NEEEEEEEED for you to leave me alone.
IF: No you don’t.
Jay: Yes I do.
IF: Oooooo snappy comeback!
Jay: Fuck off.

IF: You have issues.
Jay: Doesn’t everybody?
IF: Yeah, but I think yours are worse than most.
Jay: Pffffft … I know some pretty fucked up people.
IF: Do they make you feel better about yourself?
Jay: Only for a little while.
IF: And then you become concerned for them?
Jay: Yup.
IF: Well, that’s a good thing. I mean, you’re a good person.
Jay: You’re an annoying person.
IF: Well, you’re not THAT good of a person.
Jay: But, you are very annoying.
IF: No I’m not. I’m your friend.
Jay: My asshole friend who won’t leave me alone?
IF: You need me around.
Jay: Wrong again!
IF: Have you ever considered moving?
Jay: I took a “Where Should You Live” quiz online today.
IF: What city did you get?
Jay: Portland
IF: The Strip Club Capital of America. What a shock!
Jay: They didn’t ask any strip club questions.
IF: Yet they got it right anyway. Weird.
Jay: I guess it was the “what’s your jam” question.
IF: What did you answer?
Jay: Shakira “Hips Don’t Lie.”



IF: HEY!
Jay: What?
IF: What’s that on your desk?
Jay: My desk has lots of stuff on it.
IF: I know, you’re a slob.
Jay: It’s pretty organized.
IF: Anyway, what’s that blue can?
Jay: *SIGH* Its’ a Pepsi.
IF: I’m so disappointed in you.
Jay: That doesn’t make you unique.
IF: I thought you gave it up.
Jay: I did. I proved I can do it.
IF: So now you’re drinking Pepsi again?
Jay: Not regularly.
IF: And what happened to walking every day?
Jay: What about it?
IF: Well, you were walking a lot. Did you walk today?
Jay: Yes I did!
IF: How far.
Jay: To the mailbox.
IF: That’s all?
Jay: AND BACK!
IF: That’s not much.
Jay: Well aren’t you judgmental?
IF: No, I’m concerned. 
Jay: But only for a little while. Then you feel better about yourself.
IF: Oh you’re so clever.
Jay: Sometimes.
IF: Not that often though.
Jay: I’m going punch you.
IF: Take your best shot. 


Jay: *Swings*
*SMACK*
IF: Ow! You hit me!
Jay: I told you I was going to.
IF: That’s fucked up.
Jay: You asked for it.
IF: Yeah well
*POW*
Jay: What the fuck was that?
IF: I hit you back!
Jay: That’s it I’m going to kick your ass.
IF: You’ll run out of breathe in two swings
Jay: It won’t take more than two.
IF: Oooooo you’re such a tough gu…
*BANG* *POW* *SMACK*
IF: *Nancy Kerrigan Voice* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
Jay: Shit. I’m sorry.
IF: No you’re not.
Jay: Well, I kind of am. No really, I am.
IF: I can’t believe you did that!
*POW* *KICK* *SLAP*
Jay: That was a cheap shot you fucker!
*AHHHHHHHKICKPUNCHELBOWKNEEBACKHANDSTOMPSCREAMINGCRYING*



2 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

I think you two are in love. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt

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