Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Fun Facts About Celebrities

Hola celebrity worshipers and casual fans of pop culture! If you watched the Golden Globes on Sunday THEN SHAME ON YOU CAUSE THAT MEANS YOU DIDN’T LISTEN TO IWS RADIO AND THAT REALLY HURTS then you know that while E! Entertainment TV was doing their Red Carpet show these little “fun facts” kept popping up. They were full of fascinating and exciting little tidbits about people such as Michael J. Fox …

See? Isn’t that fun? I’m guessing the person who posted that “fun fact” might be worried that his or her job security is a little shaky right now. Anyhoodle, the brilliant and hardworking folks at IWS have uncovered lots of really cool “fun facts” about some other celebrities.

- Lindsay Lohan once shotgunned a pint of Wild Irish Rose in a desperate attempt to get Matt-Man to leave Schmoop and run away with her. Matt was so disgusted that Lindsay thought he could be swayed but such shallow behavior he threw her out of the Beer Mine.

- Joseph Gordon-Levitt actually pays Zooey Deschanel $10,000 a month to pretend to be his friend so he’ll look much cooler than he really is.

- Taylor Swift was born bald and naked and while lying in a NICU bed she made a promise to herself that she would never be either of those things again.

- Reese Witherspoon had a prosthetic chin surgically implanted so she didn’t have to worry about being “perfect.”

- Whenever Bradley Cooper is offered a movie role by his agent, he asks “Is Jennifer Lawrence in it? If not, no thanks.”

- Sharon Stone calls maintenance as asks them to check her stove cause “it’s making weird noises.” While he’s doing that, she sits at the dining table and reenacts that infamous leg crossing scene from “Basic Instinct.” It never works.

- George Clooney often stands in front of the mirror and says “What’s wrong with me? Why do women just use me for fame and money and then dump me when I start talking commitment and marriage?”

- In 1996 Tara Reid realized the only way she was going to be taken seriously in Hollywood, and America, was to burn all of her critiques of the works of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn and take on a “dumb blonde” persona. It worked because of her amazing acting skills.

- Whenever he’s asked about his miraculous recovery from a neck injury and multiple surgeries right after taking mysterious trips to Germany to get “stem cell” injections, Payton Manning says “Damn, that Alex Rodriguez sure is an embarrassment to professional sports, huh?”

- Giada De Laurentiis once cussed out an old man at the farmer’s market when he told her that he had already sold out of arugula. She then sat down on the ground and had a good cry for fifteen minutes.

- Joan Rivers won the Brooklyn Pole Dancing competition in 1950, narrowly beating out Barbara Walters.

- One day Lena Dunham was trying to figure out how to cover up the fact that she’s the poster child for white privilege and nepotism when she suddenly had a brilliant idea. “I won’t shower for like three days and I won’t wash my hair or clothes for two weeks. Then, I’ll get naked in front of everyone and be really obnoxious about it in a crummy show on HBO. Then, I’ll go out in public wearing clothes that don’t fit me at all, along with the no shower routine and if ANYONE says ANYTHING negative I’ll accuse them of being a misogynist or if it’s a woman, I’ll claim she’s killing feminism.”  It turned out to be the most brilliant marketing strategy in the history of celebrities.

Whoa! Lots of fascinating little known “fun” facts about some of the world’s favorite celebrities, huh?


Mike said...

Sharon Stone never did that for her telephone man.

I'm With Stupid said...

Had Lindsay shown up with one of her lesbian buddies, I may have given her request some serious thought. Cheers!!


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Telephone men just aren't as desirable as plumbers. Sorry.


I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: You know her lesbians friends are HAWT!


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