Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Christmas Time Layoffs Suck

“Fire and damnation! Don't they know that I'm trying to run a business here?"

--Scrooge

Well hail and welcome to the Christmas Season one and all.

Two weeks plus one day until we celebrate the birth of the Holy Baby Jeebus and/or shallowly shower each other with lead based gifts from China and gift cards to Subway.

Kidding, kidding, of course.  I love Christmas.  I’m Father Christmas…I am Matt-Man Christmas.

I know…I may have sounded sarcastic just then, but I really do love Christmas, because it is, religious affiliation aside, fun time with family and friends no matter what your denomination or liturgical proclivity.

However…

My Red and Green Christmas has just suffered a Black Eye, because after twelve and a half years of being “The Girl Friday”, my BFF/OSP, Schmoop, has been callously laid off by one Bill “Scrooge” Pence.

That’s right…

Last year at this time as Schmoop spent seven hours on a gutting table in order to remove a uncooperative bile duct by a trained physician, she now spends this Christmas getting her soul ripped out by a man who couldn't wait three weeks to lay her off and by the way, he smells like onions.

Ol’ Scrooge Pence was, and is probably saying…

“Merry Fucking Christmas Schmoop…You were my sidekick, gate-keeper, and confidante for nearly thirteen years, but it is time for me to have you gunned down like my Lenin to your Trotsky.  Sorry I couldn't tell you while you were at work today that you were laid-off, I wanted to wait and call you when you got home”

Feliz Navidad and Blammo!!

I will be attending Schmoop’s official firing today, and you know why?

Bill “Scrooge” Pence and his know-it-all Grandson VP who probably just received a raise, think they can get one pass the Schmoopster.

Little do they know the love I have for Schmoop, the knowledge I have of labor laws, or the power of IWS Radio to critically fuck them up.

You know what’s sad?

I hope that today…Schmoop gets her last paycheck from there; he hands her a signed letter of termination, and then she can apply for unemployment, and we move on.

But you know what?

He will add insult to injury by somehow tying things up, delaying it, or otherwise making a mess of things.

And if he does?

I hope you will join us this Sunday during our IWS Radio Office Christmas Party when we will discuss this further.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

10 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

It's amazing how companies big and small just love to lay people during the holidays. Fuck those guys!

Jay

Mike said...

Un fucking believable, AGAIN!

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: He couldn't afford to buy his Christmas ham for his family if he didn't lay her off. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: IKR? Well, at least this Christmas, Schmoop is only getting her guts ripped figuratively. Cheers Mike!!

Matt

MysteryChick said...

I'll be hanging with Shmoop on the unemployment line. I am also losing my job right before the holiday, next Friday is my last day. To the asshole bosses of the world....FUCK YOU!

I'm With Stupid said...

Chick: So sorry to hear that Hot Stuff...On the upside, at least on my end, I have always loved that picture of you. Good Luck Chiiiiiiick!!

Matt

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I'm sorry Matt-Man and Shmoop!

My husband lost a job once because as HR man he was told two weeks before Xmas he had to deliver this news to many people at many locations. He said it could wait since of those 2 weeks most were days off anyway so why not just let them have a nice holiday. Hubby got fired for standing his ground.

Betty said...

Boy, can I sympathize! I wasn't "laid off" at Christmas. It was two days after I returned to work from cancer surgery. I had worked there for 15 years, and they told me at 5:00p.m. on Friday, after which my boss hung around while I emptied my desk. He carried the box to my car, which should have been a nice gesture, but, somehow, it felt like a perp walk. They didn't actually lay me off. They just "did away with my position," as part of their "downsizing". But, I'm not bitter. Much.

I'm With Stupid said...

Peg: Ha....What a bunch of bullshit. Your man was doing the right thing. Oy Vay. Some people just suck at being human beings. Cheers Peg!!

Matt

I'm With Stupid said...

Betty: Jesus Christ. What the hell is wrong with people? At least they waited until you were OUT of the hospital and didn't pull a Newt Gingrich separation on ya while in a hospital bed. Cheers Jaymom!!

Matt