Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Elected Officials Have Got it Easy

Hola political junkies and hardworking people of the world! You know what looks like a really easy job? Pretty much any job you have to get elected to do. I thought of this after reading Mike's comment on our Person of the Week post on Sunday. I’m pretty sure this is why so many people who supposedly despise government want so badly to get elected to a job where you are supposed to help run it. It’s easy. The pay is good, especially compared to the effort, and the benefits that most of these guys are outraged that poor people might have access to are amazing. Seriously, it all looks like cake to me.

Sure, there are a handful of elected positions that are pretty stressful. Let’s list them …

1. President of the United States
2. Leadership of either party in the House or Senate
3. Governor of NY, CA, IL or FL (and maybe a couple of other big, diverse states)
4. Mayor of a very large diverse city with high crime rates like OBAMA’S CHICAGO!
5. Sherriff of large diverse counties with high crime rates.

THAT’S IT! THAT’S THE LIST! All other elected positions are freaking easy-peasy lemon-squeazy!

Seriously though, just being a regular, everyday member of congress? That’s fucking easy street right there. You might have to attend some late night sessions so you can vote however leadership or your biggest political donor told you to, but in general it’s not very taxing. Congressman John Paul Hammerschmidt represented Arkansas’ 3rd District for twenty-six years without ever authoring a single piece of legislation. What the hell did he do all that time? I mean, other than standing tall with Richard Nixon? That’s how easy that job is.

Most members of congress are failed businessmen, used car dealers or over-zealous prosecutors who railroaded just enough black people to the electric chair to get elected. They don’t bother themselves with big issues of the day. They aren’t involved in international relations and making the decision to go to war is easy because they aren’t sending anyone in their family off to die in a foreign desert.

Oh sure they have to hold the occasional press conference where they complain about the President taking an “undeserved” vacation right before they fly off on a lobbyist paid trip to a small Caribbean island known for its cheap and easy drugs and readily available underage hookers through the flesh trade. That’s a small price to pay though!

And the Senate? Don’t get me started! Again, if you’re not part of the party leadership you’re just another member of the greatest and cushiest country club in the world. Hell, they get six whole freaking years so they don’t even have to worry about getting reelected every two years. Get elected once and you are guaranteed to make the five years needed to get a pension. Get reelected once and you’ll probably be there a loooooooong time.

What an amazing life these people lead. Hell, even lower level elected officials like Arkansas Lt. Governor Mark Darr get all kinds of perks. He gets a state police escort to drive him wherever he wants to go whether it’s an official state event or personal. He defends this by saying he needs to be on his phone doing state business. The Arkansas Lt. Governor has fewer official duties assigned to him than the Vice President. Which means FUCKING ZERO!

I’m telling ya people, the hardest thing these people have to do is decide what to wear to the meet and greet cocktail parties thrown by lobbyist where they all get together and plan out how to further fuck the regular people over.

I really don’t know whether to be disgusted by all this or in awe of it.


I'm With Stupid said...

Just as Kirk Ferentz is to Iowa football, politicians are to our members of Congress. He accomplishes little, and yet, he comes back every year. Cheers Jayman!!


Mike said...

You've talked me into running for congress. I think I'll run under the Party party.

Katy Anders said...

I have looked into it, and being a politician is not for me.

Turns out, you have to shake hands and act like you LIKE people.

I just don't know that I can do that at any salary level.

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: I'm not even an Iowa fan and Kirk Ferentz and his ridiculous millions a year salary pisses me off.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I'll move up there so I can vote for you.


I'm With Stupid said...

Katy Anders: If you can stand it for maybe two elections you probably won't have to deal with "people" anymore.