Monday, September 30, 2013

What Does the GOP Want?

Hola all you political junkies and casual observers out there! So here we are, once again on the verge of a possible government shutdown because the GOP believes that no matter how many elections they lose, and no matter of small a percentage of the people agree with them, they should get everything they want. The question is “What does the GOP want?” Well, the defunding of Obamacare is the obvious answer, but there are a number of other things that they want too…

- For all women to have to formally request permission to have sex anytime they want to. The request will be made to the highest ranking white male elected official from the state. The information will be made public so everyone knows which of your female coworkers and friends to scorn the next day and which men to high five.


- A HUGE sign at every single point of entry into the country that reads “Welcome to America! The greatest country on Earth. NO HOMOS!”

- Twerking lessons for Michele and Marcus Bachmann. Mostly they’re for Marcus. Also, Lindsay Graham.

- To make it illegal to Tweet “spoilers” of any TV show or live awards show until the people on the west coast have had a chance to see the show.

- For the federal government to legally declare that a fetus is a person with all the same rights and protections under the law as everyone else. The same law will also declare school aged children to be “parasites” and therefore not deserving of or eligible for any social programs like food stamps or school lunches.

- If they can’t get a complete defunding or even delay of Obamacare, they will ask if it can at least be limited to people in the top tax brackets only.

- While they’re in a repealing mood, the GOP will also see if they can repeal the Americans With Disabilities Act, the Civil Right Act, the Voting Rights Act and the 14th, 15th and 19th Amendments.

- “Means Testing” of Medicare and Social Security. By “means testing” they mean only people WITH financial means will be eligible.

- To be notified before anyone else when there is “fresh meat” at their favorite strip clubs.

- The elimination of the designated hitter rule in the American League.

- Every network must show nothing but “Little House on the Prairie,” “Andy Griffith,” “The Flinstones” and “The Lawrence Welk Show” every night.

- To have everyone in the Kardashian family deported. Wait, that’s my demand. Sorry.

- For Cable News to be limited to Fox News and Nancy Grace. All other shows and networks outlawed.

- For Saturday Night Live to be cancelled.

- The elimination of all these silly “defenseless player” and so-called “concussion” rules.

- For NetFlix to be required to stream “The Shield.” (Sorry, that’s another one of mine.)

- Finally, for the Bill of Rights to be replaced with The Ten Commandments. (All white males and elected officials will be exempted of course.)



Seems reasonable to me, right?


In other news, we put on yet another quality show on IWS Radio yesterday. We celebrated Confucius Day by sharing some of the deep wisdom of his lesser known brother Profucius! We also checked in with Ted Cruz throughout the show to hear what he was talking about today. Then got the first ever Smugly Superior with Dana report which was awesome and belittling of all you Breaking Bad morons out there. We paid tribute to the McLaughlin Group and the Saturday Night Live sketches based on that show.  Brown Beasley called in for a bit and we spent the rest of the show engaging in all kinds of fun and games. Definitely check it out …



6 comments:

Mike said...

They've just about got that “parasites” thing in place.

Daniel Efosa Uyi said...

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Regards

I'm With Stupid said...

Hey now, I want to be able to covet my neighbor's wife!! Cheers!!

Matt

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: They're pretty damn close.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Daniel: Thanks and welcome!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: I've seen my neighbor's wife. I'm good.

Jay