Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Hey President Hassan Rouhani, the Matt-Man Wants a Persianpalooza With You!!

Cheeeeeeeeeers Chuckleheads!!

As I am all about peace, and trying to end war and hostility around the world, I am writing today with an offer of a hearty handshake of friendship on one hand, and an olive branch in the other, both of which are directed at the recently elected President of Iran, Hassan Rouhani.

So in order to help our two nations and indeed the world get along better, here is an open letter to President Hassan Rouhani…

Dear President Rouhani,

My name is Matt Mahoney and I live in Springfield, Ohio, U.S.A.

A few years ago when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad came to the U.S. to speak at Columbia University, I sent him a letter asking if I could go back to Iran with him in order to help build a more pleasant relationship between our two countries.

You know…

Just me, a typical American coming to Iran in order to speak with and “kick it” with typical Iranians for a few days to show that we Americans are not all that different from you Iranians.

Alas…

My letter to Dour-Looking, Sawed Off, Members Only Jacket Wearing President Ahmadinejad fell upon deaf ears and was totally ignored.  I was, as we say here in the States, a bit miffed.  I would ask you why he always seems so angry, but I gather it’s because he is only 5’2” tall, and well…I’d be angry too.

So, anyhoo…

I think you and I would get along well together.  Sure, you are 64 years old, and I’m 48, but listen my new buddy, I have brothers and sisters your age, and older.  I am more than adept at relating to, and with, your wacky sexagenarian sub-culture.

And plus, look at you and me…

I have a buzzed head and wear an earring, and you have an ironic beard, and wear an understated, yet complicated turban.  From those observations as well as the number of microphones in front of your face, I surmise that we both enjoy walking our subtle, yet devil-may-care egos down the fashion runway of life.

Amirite!? Damn right, I am!!

You and I could go from village to village, town to town, college campus to college campus, and just engage with each other and the citizens of Iran, and bring our people closer together in the understanding that we all want to enjoy a world that is peaceful and prosperous.

In our private meetings you and I could make fun of our nations’ allies.  I mean yes, we, the U.S., are aligned with the bland Brits and the milquetoast French, but your two biggest allies are led by a human freak show who rides shirtless on a horse, and a coward of man who gasses his own people!!

Don’t tell me that there isn't any common ground there, my friend.  Hell, I’m sure, if we put our heads together that we could come up with a joke that goes like this…

A Brit, a Frenchman, a Russian, and a Syrian walk into a bar, and the bartender says…

“Jesus Christ, how I long for a Canadian customer, at least they leave with a smile, and leave me with a tip.”

So…There you have it President Rouhani.  I am more than willing to leave my comfortable digs here in Ohio and help you to shoulder the wheel-barrow of peace and understanding that this garden of life so desperately needs.

If you are interested, let me know. You can always simply tweet me, because I follow you, and with all due respect, please allow me to say…

I dig your tweets.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

7 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

I can't imagine President Rouhawhathisname wouldn't find your offer anything other than sincere and intriguing. I expect you'll be hearing from him soon.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jayman: I'm hopeful that I will, especially after I email him. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Beth said...

No men in black in the parking lot yet. It's only a matter of time. I should go change my name...

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: No worries. I just emailed Pres. Rouhani my plan with a link to today's post. I'm sure the wheels of harmony and joy are now in motion. Cheers Schmoooooop!!

Matt-Man

jAMiE said...

Oh Matt...we'd miss you if you left!

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