Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Jay's Imaginary Friend Returns


Hola y’all! Time for another discussion with Jay’s Imaginary Friend (IF).

Jay: AHHHHHHHHH YOU FUCKING PIECE OF CRAP! WHAT THE FUCK’S THE PROBLEM!
IF: What!? What!? What are you screaming at!
Jay: Fucking Words With Friends is telling me that “G-A-M-B” isn’t word. That’s bullshit.
IF: I’ve never heard of that word.
Jay: Oh, so just because YOOOOOOOO’VE never heard of it, that means it’s a not a word?
IF: I didn’t say that, I just … *looks at screen* you played “g-O-m-b” dumb ass.
Jay: What? *looks at screen* Oh, let me fix that. *plays “g-a-m-b* See? It works?
IF: That’s great. I’m so happy.
Jay: Oh, now you’re gonna be a smart ass and not acknowledge that GAMB is a word.
IF: I didn’t say it wasn’t.
Jay: Uh-huh.  You just don’t want to admit being wrong.
IF: Whatever. Why do have to get so mad like that and yell at a computer screen?
Jay: I don’t. Just every once in a while. Probably because you’re here.
IF: Noooooooo …. You get mad at inanimate objects all the time.
Jay: It’s part of my charm.
IF: You should work on that.
Jay: I don’t really know what you’re talking about.

IF: Really? As if you weren’t yelling at that KIA commercial calling the guy who parked so close to the car next to him that he had to climb out the hatch an ASSHOLE?
Jay: He’s TOTALLY an asshole! Now the passenger in the car he parked next to can’t get in her vehicle.
IF: How do you know it’s a her?
Jay: They’re obviously at a family place, so dad will drive and mom is the passenger.
IF: Nice bit of sexism there.
Jay: Not sexism, just going with the …
IF: STEREOTYPES?
Jay: Percentages.
IF: Oh please! Anyway, the driver can just back out and HE OR SHE can get in then. No big deal.
Jay: They’ll hold up traffic in the parking deck.
IF: You don’t know that!
Jay: It doesn’t matter, it’s the principal. The guy is OBVIOUSLY an asshole.
IF: It’s just a TV commercial!
Jay: It reflects society! People are inconsiderate assholes and they’re celebrating that fact.
IF: Or, they made the commercial so people would see it and get mad at the rudeness and be sure not to act that way.
Jay: *rolls eyes* They’re not that fucking clever.

IF: You’re just so negative all the time.
Jay: No I’m not.
IF: *sigh* Yes you are.
Jay: *sigh* Only when you’re here to bug the shit out of me.
IF: That’s not a very nice thing to say.
Jay: I’m not a very nice guy.
IF: No wonder you lose Facebook friends all the time.
Jay: That’s not really a good indication of anything.
IF: Why is that?
Jay: Because I don’t actually know most of the people who have de-friended me.
IF: MOST?
Jay: Almost all.
IF: A couple of them you did know?
Jay: Yeah, but one de-friended me when I made fun of Chick-fil-A, so that doesn’t count.
IF: Why not?
Jay: Because de-friending over political views is childish and stupid.
IF: But, don’t you want people to like you?
Jay: I don’t really have any control over that.
IF: Sure you do.

Jay: OH GODDAMMITFUCKSHIT! FUUUUUUUUUCK!
IF: OMG! What?
Jay: I left my phone in my car.
IF: See? That’s what I’m talking about!
Jay: What?
IF: There’s no reason to get all angry.
Jay: I’m not.
IF: There’s no reason to use that language.
Jay: Sure there. I need to express my annoyance sometimes.
IF: Annoyance with your phone for being in the car?
Jay: Yes.
IF: Or for the guy who left it in the car.
Jay: Oh you’re a fucking psychologist now?
IF: I think I’m on to something.
Jay: Or just ON something.
IF: Not like anyone is gonna call you anyway.
Jay: Fuck you.
IF: Ohhh … someone’s kinda touchy.
Jay: It’s time for you to go away.
IF: I don’t think so.
Jay: Oh I do think so cause I’m about to actually get angry.
IF: We’ll finish this discussion when you’re being reasonable.
Jay: That’ll be next NEVER.
IF: Fine. I’ll leave. Hurt and upset as usual.
Jay: Whatever.
IF: By the way … You have a typo right there *points at screen*
Jay: OHGODDAMNMOTHERFUCKINGASSHOLEBULLSHITFUCKER!



6 comments:

Mike said...

Remember the car that will park itself from a previous post of mine? If there are no spots in the parking garage it can just drive around the garage for a couple of hours.

I'm With Stupid said...

IF isn't very nice to you but I dig that Kia commercial. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Just wasting gas and ruining the environment? Nice.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: That commercial sucks.

Jay

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