Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Pope Benedict XVI Abdicates...What a Fucking Shame

Cheers and Pax Vobiscum, Chuckleheads!!

Unless you have spent the past day or so inside the Tomb of Jesus, you know by now that one Joseph Ratzinger, who goes by the alias of Pope Benedict XVI, and the alias Vicar of Rome, as well as the alias, Blitzkrieg Benny, has…

Resigned, nay abdicated, his position as Pope and head of the Catholic Church, and in doing so, has kicked the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit to the spiritual curb, and has given a big ol’ kick to the groin and Zur Hölle fahren to every crappie crunching Catholic in the world.

Sad!!

Poor Pope Benedict XVI.  Says he’s not up to it any longer.  Poor St. Peter wannabe says he doesn’t have the strength to continue.  What a half-assed Holy See of Rome he is.  When he was elected Pope, instead of choosing the name Benedict, he should have opted for, Pope Bernice the Girly Man.

Un-fucking-believable!!

The Jews suffered and wandered the desert for forty years due to their faith.  Jesus suffered and wandered the desert for forty days due to his faith, and here we have Pope Candy Ass whose commitment to the Lord is so weak that even living in opulence for less than eight papal years, is too much for him, and can no longer continue to bear the cross for Jesus.

Pussy!!

Gee, I’m sorry, Your Ass-Holiness…Was the hat too heavy?  Was your gown to tight?  Did the weight of the Papal Ring give you carpal tunnel syndrome?  Or did the fact that the Swiss Guard soldiers that protect you, are ten to fifteen years older than what you and your priests like in a boy…er man…er boy, upset you?

Did the Popemobile not afford you enough leg room?

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Dude!!

You do realize Herr Ratzinger, that other than two Popes over the 2,000 year history of Catholicism, that this Pope commitment appointment is a til’ death due us part, kinda thing.  And well…

If you are going to guilt trip the lay people who get married within the Catholic Church with that rule, you should hold yourself to the same standard.

You married the Catholic Church, and now you are saying…

“I have to divorce you…you have worn me down.”

Do you realize how many men that have been married in the Catholic Church have said that to their wife?  I know at least one, and if he EVER, (Praise Jeebus), gets divorced, you would hate me…er…him…forever.

Hypocrite!!

But we do have something in common…I said twelve years ago, “Fuck the divorce.”, moved out, and began to live in sin, and it has not been easy.  You on the other hand, get to separate from your “wife” and are set up for a life of cushiness.

So, enjoy your teachings and writings within your cloistered confines near the Vatican, and lavish in your bunker style summer home in Berchtesgaden, and I will sit here and think to myself…

Why do Catholics think the Pope is closer to God than they are?  What gives a Pope the right to direct their faith?  And then I’ll answer with the same answer that I have for years…

A Pope is never any closer to God than you or I, and I have a suggestion for the Catholic Church, and more specifically the College of Cardinals.

Could you for once, elect a Pope that doesn’t look like he needs the Last Rites read to him upon entering the Papacy?

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@yahoo.com
@mattman_iws

16 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Hahaha "Pope Candy Ass"

Maybe they could find one who wasn't part of a Fascist organization .. oh that's right. They have to be members of the Catholic Church to be Pope. Damn.

Well, pick one with the big boobs then guys.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jayman: That would be awesome, but of course...women are secondary within the Catholic Church...Stupid fucks. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

The Bastard King of England said...

He does dress like a pompous nincompoop!

I'm With Stupid said...

Bastard: Ha. Well said. Cheers Bastard!!

Matt-Man

Katy Anders said...

I did not imagine that I'd have another opportunity to be elected Pope so soon!

Talk to your local cardinal: Katy for Pope 2013.

I'd look cool in that Pope-mobile, I love waving from high windows, and I already own some silly hats.

Beth said...

I still say this is illegal.

I'm With Stupid said...

Katy: I'm all over it Katy. You sound perfect for the papacy. Cheers Katy!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Schmoop: Ha. You're such a conspiratorial thinker. Cheers and Zoooooves!!

Matt-Man

Edita said...

Popes are quitting these days, how dare they... What's next?

What's this world coming to?

Edita
www.pret-a-reporter.co.uk

I'm With Stupid said...

Edita: Being an old Nazi who has given up on Christ is no way to go through life. Cheers Gorgeous!!

Matt-Man

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Mike said...

If the Brazilian guy gets elected pope will all the nuns have to have big boobs and butts?

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: One can only hope so Mike. Cheers Funny Man!!

Matt-Man

Anonymous said...

maybe he regrets too late, his oath of celibacy, lol

I'm With Stupid said...

Anony: Ha. Maybe so. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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