Matt's Favorite Words

Cheers and good day to all of you inglorious, yet lovable, bitches and bastards.

Yesterday on this here wildly popular IWS Radio website, the uber-sexy Jayman listed some of his favorite words.

Today I shall do the same, because, well…Jayman and I are beginning to practice something called, continuity, which of course is an ugly word, and will not be appearing on my list of favorite words.

Anyhoo (and in no particular order)…Let’s get to it.

Cacophony:  Yes, yes, I know…The definition is, a discordant mixture of sounds, which may seem to make it a “bad” word, an “irritating” word, but I love saying it. Ca cahhhhhh phoe neeee.  C’mon say it with me.  Ca cahhhhhh phoe neeee.  See?  Doesn't that feel good to say?  Of course it does.

Sojourn:  Oh sure one can stay for a day or two, or even a couple of months in one place, but it is much sexier to sojourn. Would you rather stay in Charleston, WV. for a week or sojourn in Charleston, WV. for a week?  I know that your answer is neither, but sojourning there is far more acceptable.

Epiphany:  One of my favorite words EVAH!!  And no, I am not talking Epiphany in the sense of the three Wise Men showing up at Jeebus’ barnyard cradle.  I am speaking of the word as when one has a revelation out of the blue as to something that was not previously understood.  Kinda like me sitting on the toilet, and all of a sudden I realize, “Hey!!  I just had an epiphany.  Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that fourth burrito!!”

Ubiquitous:  I dig this this word and it reminds me of my days in High School taking Latin for three years. Uuch.  It means omnipresent, easily found, everywhere.  As an example…“Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) is ubiquitous; he has stood and will continue to stand before any and every God Damn TV camera that has or ever will exist.”

Foulard:  It is pronounced foo-lard and it is a piece of clothing sewn of silk, typically a scarf or such, but…To me it is more delicate than that, and I have used the word in a poem before in which I described the snow-covered, winter landscape as being dressed in an ivory foulard.  It is a pretty word when one utters it softly.

Obsequious:  I loooooove this word because it sounds like a regal compliment yet it is anything but. Obsequious is a fancy and descriptive word for an ass-kisser.  Oh Lord, I have used this word often in my many and varied places of employment.  Here’s the trick…with a smile, tell the co-workers whom you loathe, that you find them to be so damned obsequious and chances are they’ll smile back and say, “Awwww, thanks!!”

Bacon:  My BFF/OSP Schmoop offered this one up, and seriously…When guys hear the word bacon they get a hard-on, and when women hear it, their nipples get hard.  It’s that simple.

Retard:  Oh I’m sorry…are your sensibilities offended?  If they are, well…suck it, you retard.  I love this word because I use it a tad bit differently than its mainstream sense.  I use it to describe people who through no known medically diagnosed mental challenges, still go through life dumb as hell. Rude, stupid, and oafish folks without a sense of humor get the “retard” tag from me.

And lastly…

While it has often been said that people with lesser IQs and lack of a solid vocabulary cuss a lot, I beg to differ, because I have a pretty damn expansive vocabulary, and my uber-favorite word is…

Fuck:  While it is primarily a verb, it can also be a noun and an adjective.  Verb:  I would like to fuck you.  Noun:  You are a stupid fuck.  Adjective:  You are a fucking moron.  See?  Fuck is a multi-faceted word, and I fucking love it.  And dig it…

If you combine the word fuck with retard, you get another word which I adore…Fucktard!!

May the lexicon of life smile down upon you, my friends.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws