Cheeeeeers Bitches…Matt-Man here, and I have something that my partner in crime, the beloved Jayman, doesn’t have.
I have ALL the answers.
Uh-huh, I sure as heck fire do. You see…Yesterday, Jayman wrote a gracious and humble post about not having all the answers to life’s problems…like gun control, the Connecticut massacre, and the what have yous.
But you know what my friends?
I DO have all the answers to questions like that. It’s true. After all, I am Matt-Man bitches, and I know some shit.
Let’s check my grey matter out.
I hear people asking…
Did that dude shoot 26 people in Connecticut because he had access to high powered guns, or because he had a mental illness?
Duh…Both.
Gun lobbyists like those who work for the NRA can say it was mental illness, and left-leaning medicos and the like can say it was because of gun access. The truth of the matter is, it was both.
In fact, let me spell it out for you…. I T W A S B O T H.
Another question I hear…
Is it true that Speaker John Boehner and President Barack Obama hate each other?
Hell no…They love each other, are diggin’ the shit out of this attention, and the only people they truly hate are the American people.
Matt-Man, when making love to a chick…Which is better? If she is on top or bottom?
Pfffft…Hello?
The woman HAS to be on top. When the chick is on top, you can smack her ass, play with her fun bags, AND kiss her all at once and without much effort.. Are you stupid or geographically and physiologically challenged? Hello? McFly?
Matt? I want to make a grilled cheese sandwich, should I use Kraft singles or Velveeta?
Ha Ha…Seriously? Nothing melts better than Velveeta. In fact, if one uses Kraft singles to make a grilled cheese sandwich, he or she is probably retarded, and should not go anywhere near a hot skillet.
Matt-Man, Christmas or Hanukkah?
The Magic Matt-Man says, “Yes!!”
Hey Matt-Man…Is the rumor that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene true?
Oh Hell no…being the Son of God, he was much smarter than that; He merely had His way with her.
Hey Matt-Man? Is Jayman gay?
Lord no, but he has had many a straight man hoping that he was. That boy is HAWT!!
Yo Matt-Dawg? Should guns be outlawed?
No…stupid people should be outlawed, mental illness research and potential cures should be well-funded, and ideologues should be voted out of office.
Really, Matt-Man?
Yes…really.
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
I have ALL the answers.
Uh-huh, I sure as heck fire do. You see…Yesterday, Jayman wrote a gracious and humble post about not having all the answers to life’s problems…like gun control, the Connecticut massacre, and the what have yous.
But you know what my friends?
I DO have all the answers to questions like that. It’s true. After all, I am Matt-Man bitches, and I know some shit.
Let’s check my grey matter out.
I hear people asking…
Did that dude shoot 26 people in Connecticut because he had access to high powered guns, or because he had a mental illness?
Duh…Both.
Gun lobbyists like those who work for the NRA can say it was mental illness, and left-leaning medicos and the like can say it was because of gun access. The truth of the matter is, it was both.
In fact, let me spell it out for you…. I T W A S B O T H.
Another question I hear…
Is it true that Speaker John Boehner and President Barack Obama hate each other?
Hell no…They love each other, are diggin’ the shit out of this attention, and the only people they truly hate are the American people.
Matt-Man, when making love to a chick…Which is better? If she is on top or bottom?
Pfffft…Hello?
The woman HAS to be on top. When the chick is on top, you can smack her ass, play with her fun bags, AND kiss her all at once and without much effort.. Are you stupid or geographically and physiologically challenged? Hello? McFly?
Matt? I want to make a grilled cheese sandwich, should I use Kraft singles or Velveeta?
Ha Ha…Seriously? Nothing melts better than Velveeta. In fact, if one uses Kraft singles to make a grilled cheese sandwich, he or she is probably retarded, and should not go anywhere near a hot skillet.
Matt-Man, Christmas or Hanukkah?
The Magic Matt-Man says, “Yes!!”
Hey Matt-Man…Is the rumor that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene true?
Oh Hell no…being the Son of God, he was much smarter than that; He merely had His way with her.
Hey Matt-Man? Is Jayman gay?
Lord no, but he has had many a straight man hoping that he was. That boy is HAWT!!
Yo Matt-Dawg? Should guns be outlawed?
No…stupid people should be outlawed, mental illness research and potential cures should be well-funded, and ideologues should be voted out of office.
Really, Matt-Man?
Yes…really.
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
8 comments:
My God! You're wrong about each and every one of these! But, I'm only going to take the time and effort to correct you on one issue.
Cheddar is best on grilled cheese.
You're welcome.
Jay
Jayman: Cheddar? Really? It's like I don't even know you. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
Velveeta has the best meltyness but I think it's a bit salty. Cheddar just sits there sweating. American is just right...also Muenster & Colby Jack.
I think addressing mental health as a priority would change our country.
The gun debate is getting as nasty as the election.
Jo: In order to address mental health issues we have to find an American who isn't a moron. Not easy. Cheers Jo!!
Matt-Man
I've never tried Velveeta (now I will) but Kraft cheese slices, yum!
ps my sister is a fan of marble cheese on her grilled cheese...with salt, pepper and garlic powder.
Jamie: Velveeta melts like buttah. And I like your sis, I ALWAYS put some garlic powder on the bread when I make them. Cheers Jamie!!
Velveeta is way to much work. And I wish Kraft singles wern't so hard to unwrap.
Mike: Ha...And you find shuffleboard to be very strenuous, don't you? Cheers Mike!!
Matt-Man
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