Not So Secure Security Guards

Hola safety conscious folks! How ‘bout a story? Great!

I was working for a manufacturing company in Springfield, Missouri and security was a major concern throughout the company. They decided that all security guards, no matter the location, would be employed by the company and not a private security company, and they would all be armed.

One of them was a guy in mid-50’s who was retired military. He took his job very seriously and loved to stop people and ask us where our employee badges that we were supposed to wear at all times were. He also took his time to do all paperwork on visitors and made sure things were done in an orderly proficient manner. And to be honest with you he didn’t see all that stable to me.

One Sunday afternoon one of the managers decided he need to spend some time at the office to get some stuff done. While he was busy working away he suddenly heard a gunshot. He listened for a minute and decided it was nothing and went back to work. Then he heard another ... and then another!

He quickly called security, but nobody answered at the security booth. After he finally got ahold of the security guard, the manager asked if had heard gunshots. The security guard said “Oh, that was me, there’s nothing to worry about.” When asked what he was doing the guard said “I was just shooting catfish in the company pond.”

But wait that’s not all .....

Over the week of the 4th of July things were a bit slow so they decided to shut down for the whole week. So, the poor security guards were really bored that week.

One night after sunset this same security guard was making his rounds when he realized that somebody had entered into the office area. He checked out front to see whose car was there and saw a big white conversion van. He knew that none of the bosses drove anything like that so he decided to investigate.

Just as he got to the front offices he heard somebody in the General Manager’s office. Now he knew there was a problem! He slowly approached the office so as to not make a sound. He very carefully drew his gun. He stood next to the door for a second and then stepped into the office, pointed his gun and yelled “FREEZE!”

At this point the 65 year old cleaning lady screamed and threw her arms into the air. She was so scared and excited that the spray bottle of cleaner and the cleaning rags she was holding went flying through the air. The spray bottle hit the desk with a loud “THUD” and broke open.

The scream from the cleaning lady and the thud from the spray bottle scared the security guard. He jumped to the side and instinctively pulled the trigger on the gun, and gunned down the boss’s cactus plant.

At this point the cleaning lady screamed again and ran past the security guard knocking him to the ground. She ran through the building and outside and got into the van and drove to an convenience store and asked the clerk to call 911. She excitedly told them about how she was cleaning an office when some old guy tried to hold her up and took a shot at her.

While she was online with 911 the police got another call. The security guard was telling them that he had caught a burglar in the act and the burglar had shoved him down and run out of the building.

They took the guns away from the security guards the next day.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news we had yet another classic IWS show on Wednesday. We talked about the Second Presidential Debate, hyper partisanship, defended undecided voters, talked about anonymous asshole trolls on the internet and more. Then we took a call from Drive-By Mikey who told us about experimenting with Bath Salts and then from Missy who updated us on her cold through her sexy raspy voice. Good times! Check it out!

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