Thursday, September 6, 2012

IWS Exclusive! Joe Biden's Speech at the DNC

Remarks by the Honorable Joseph R. Biden Jr.
Vice President of the United State of America

Holaaaaaaaaaaaa Charleston!! Woooooooo!

I’m Joe Biden and I’m an alcoholi … OOPS … Hold on … Wrong speech.

Welcome to Chattanooga and the annual meeting of the Democratic National Constitution meeting thingy. I’m here to tell you about this guy who has been your president for the last handful of years. He’s a really great guy, this Obama fella.

When I first met Barracks Obama I found him to be so clean and articulate that I didn’t even worry about moving my wallet from my back pocket to the front. I tell ya, I couldn’t believe what a sharp mind he had and how pleasant he was. Always inviting me to come and hangout at his home office and asking my advice about different things he was interested in and I guess had been reading about.

And then one day, out of nowhere he invited me to come to this party he was throwing down here in Columbia. I mean, how great is Barney? I don’t think I’ve ever had a better friend in my life. And while he’s better than me at basketball (obviously), there is something that normally comes naturally to his people that I’m better at …… RAPING!

What? OHHHH!! RAPPING! I meant to say RAPPING! Sorry. Hahahahaha

*music starts*

Yo … Yo … 
They all call me crazy old Joe … 
I’m just a regular every day schmoe … 
You never know what I’m gonna say 
Jump back … I’m might pray 
You think I’m easy to beat
But you’re grandmother thinks I’m sweet 
Stock up on lots of caffeine 
I’m Joe … Biden my time ‘til twenty sixteeeeeeeen. 
Yeah … Yeah .. 

I tell ya, I’ve had a great time here in Clarksville and at the conversion meetings. I love these things because I see so many of my old friends from my days in the senate like Harvey Reid who I had a good laugh with last night. I saw my very good friend Ted Kennedy on a TV Tuesday night, but I haven’t been able to track him down yet.

It’s always fun meeting like this every 8 years or so. I can’t believe how much some of you have aged. And it’s wonderful seeing everyone’s kids growing up too. Did you check Barnaby and Martha Omaha’s girls last night? Wow! They’re growing up right … if you know what I mean. *winks*

You know, one of the things I’m most impressed with is how diverse this soiree is. I’ve seen more minorities here in Canton than in all of my days hanging out in Delaware combined. Heck on Tuesday night there was a really good looking young Hispanic guy from ahem … “Texas” … who everyone seemed to like a whole lot. And right after him was a tall, very attractive black lady who I don’t think I’ve ever met, but we need to see and hear more from her, amirite?

Well folks, it’s getting late so I’ll wrap it up. Bartholomew … Melissa … now Mr. and Mrs. Obamtha … I wish you two nothing but good health, happiness and success as you venture forth into your new life together as one. In the words of Lao Tzu: “To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.”

Thank you all so much for being here. God bless you and God Bless America!



In other news we pulled back the curtain on the ugly side of the internet on I'm With Stupid and what we found was down right horrifying. Check it out!

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I'm With Stupid said...

What I like most about Joe is that he covers every possible angle, every possible scenario, and every possible city. That fucker is ubiquitous. Cheers Jayman!!


Mike said...

It would be exciting if Joe became president due to a right wing haters bullet. P.A.R.T.Y.!

Anonymous said...

That was funny and probably accurate! :) Missy

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: That's because he doesn't know what city he's in.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: No.


I'm With Stupid said...

Missy: Joe is a good guy just getting a little old and says silly things from time to time.


Jo said...

That was spooky-realistic. Joe's a kooky guy. Whenever I remember he could be president, it's surreal.

Wine~Gurl said...

You know what is funny? I think they should let him speak more often because he really makes me laugh and I think that is all that matters!! plus he reminds me of The Price is Right dude!! Okay I am off the topic. You got it right that he is a little out there!! Maybe one day he will calm down a little!! if not so the eff what.. I LIKE HIM!!