It's Super Happy Hole-ly Week Happy Hour™...so drink up Bitches; the laughs and stupid are on us.
As I have pointed out many times, Jeebus is one funny Messianic Muthafuckah.
Facing certain death did not dull JC’s spear tipped wit.
When the Romans came to escort him to his demise, he told them:
“I can’t go until I do LX Push-Ups and do my XXX minute Pontius Pilates workout, LOL. I wanna be able to push away that big stone later. LOL…and whatever shall I wear? I‘ve never been much of a cross dresser. LOL.”
And then Jeebus spoke to a couple of the Centurions:
“Hey boys, I had the strangest dream last night. God was speaking to me and he kept calling me Moses.
I said, "Father, my name is Jesus, not Moses. Yet God kept calling me Moses, Moses, Moses..."
I finally said to him, "My God, my God, why have you mistaken me? LOL."
Yeah baby, JC’s stand-up act was kickin’ ass to the end. He even turned his Heavenly Hilarity onto one of the condemning Rabbis:
“Yo, Rabbi, what’s the difference between a horny pig and a Jew? A horny pig eats pork. Bada Bing, Bitches. LOL.”
And then he spoke...
"Y'know how I walked on water? I strapped on a pair of water moccasins. LOL"
Once at Golgotha, and being readied to be hung up, J-Mac entertained the crowd by doing one of his now famous Knock-Knock jokes…
Like the one he told to the onlookers, using Simon as his straight man:
“Knock-Knock…Who’s There? God…God Who? Goddamn this is gonna hurt!! LOL.”
He brought the crowd down with that one and then Jeebus had a request. He shouted to Andrew:
“Yo, ‘Drew-Dawg…Get this party started by throwing on some Crucifixion music. Throw on that song that I like so much.”
With that, Andrew played this, centuries later, IWS classic:
After the Romans nailed JC to the cross, and firmly planted the crucifix into the hillside, Jeebus got in one last zinger:
“I’m just glad that the KKK has yet to be invented, because they’d set this crucifix on fire, and I’d end up with Hot Cross Buns. LOL”
And with that, the crowd laughed, Jeebus looked skyward, and simply said...
“Tetelestai, Bitches”.
And so it was…
Only two days until I can eat bread again…Praise Jeebus!!
Have a wonderful weekend, and a Happy Easter all.
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws
As I have pointed out many times, Jeebus is one funny Messianic Muthafuckah.Facing certain death did not dull JC’s spear tipped wit.
When the Romans came to escort him to his demise, he told them:
“I can’t go until I do LX Push-Ups and do my XXX minute Pontius Pilates workout, LOL. I wanna be able to push away that big stone later. LOL…and whatever shall I wear? I‘ve never been much of a cross dresser. LOL.”
And then Jeebus spoke to a couple of the Centurions:
“Hey boys, I had the strangest dream last night. God was speaking to me and he kept calling me Moses.
I said, "Father, my name is Jesus, not Moses. Yet God kept calling me Moses, Moses, Moses..."
I finally said to him, "My God, my God, why have you mistaken me? LOL."
Yeah baby, JC’s stand-up act was kickin’ ass to the end. He even turned his Heavenly Hilarity onto one of the condemning Rabbis:
“Yo, Rabbi, what’s the difference between a horny pig and a Jew? A horny pig eats pork. Bada Bing, Bitches. LOL.”
And then he spoke...
"Y'know how I walked on water? I strapped on a pair of water moccasins. LOL"
Once at Golgotha, and being readied to be hung up, J-Mac entertained the crowd by doing one of his now famous Knock-Knock jokes…
Like the one he told to the onlookers, using Simon as his straight man:
“Knock-Knock…Who’s There? God…God Who? Goddamn this is gonna hurt!! LOL.”
He brought the crowd down with that one and then Jeebus had a request. He shouted to Andrew:
“Yo, ‘Drew-Dawg…Get this party started by throwing on some Crucifixion music. Throw on that song that I like so much.”
With that, Andrew played this, centuries later, IWS classic:
After the Romans nailed JC to the cross, and firmly planted the crucifix into the hillside, Jeebus got in one last zinger:
“I’m just glad that the KKK has yet to be invented, because they’d set this crucifix on fire, and I’d end up with Hot Cross Buns. LOL”
And with that, the crowd laughed, Jeebus looked skyward, and simply said...
“Tetelestai, Bitches”.
And so it was…
Only two days until I can eat bread again…Praise Jeebus!!
Have a wonderful weekend, and a Happy Easter all.
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws
1 comment:
Jesus is one of the best stand up comedians ever. Probably right behind George Carlin, Chris Rock and Mitch Hedberg, but just ahead of Bill Hicks.
Jay
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