What IWS Fans Are Saying

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Mega Millions Up To 500 Million !!

You know what tomorrow is?

Okay, okay…yes it’s Friday, and many of you are saying, “Thank God tomorrow is Friday.”

However…

Tomorrow is also, (cue the trumpets, and release the pigeons, or doves, or whatever) it is also, Mega Millions Friiiiiiiiiiiday.

Why do I say that..?

One who rarely plays the Lottery, games of chance (other than with questionable women), or throws good money after bad (except when there is a sale on Wild Irish Rose)?

Because my friends, here in the United States of America, the Mega Millions jackpot is up to, now get this…

Not a mere 500 Million Dollars, no, no…A winning ticket on Friday will be worth, half a BILLION Dollars.

Half a Billion for Godssakes!!

Who in their right mind, or special needs mind for that matter, wouldn’t want to be a, Half A Billionaire?

Okay…there are some utopian seeking, vegan eating, “Ima gonna change the world” Liberal idealists out there who would say:

“Ooooooo, Hot Shot…Half a Billion…You may be rich, but that money can’t buy you love and happiness.”

Ha…You know what this meat eating Liberal would say to people of that ilk if I won all that cash?

“Yes it can; now watch as I show you how it can buy happiness as you eat granola, drink rain water, and gorge on some asparagus, while I have a steak, a bottle of champagne, and throw my self -respect into the street along with my empty bottle of Dom Perignon, loser.”

Damn right…If I win the Mega Millions Friday, I may become the biggest asshole in the world.  Not in a bad way mind you.  I wouldn’t act all uppity n’shit, but to some, I would be considered an “instant rich asshole“, however…

I would be amplifying what I already do, and how I act.

I wouldn’t allow anyone to tell me what I could and could not do within their moral dictates…I wouldn’t be afraid of certain things, and certain people.  I wouldn’t hesitate to speak my mind.

Writing and doing the radio show with Jayman is what I enjoy doing, what I want to do, what I was born to do, and with a half a Billion dollars, I could finance that dream.

Home truly is where the hearts is, but it would be nice to get out of this apartment, which isn’t bad mind you, and get a small place of our own for my BFF/OSP, Schmoop and I…

A place that is big enough to throw some raucous parties but not so big that we and our newly hired, illegal alien property staff are tied to.

Having half a Billion dollars would provide me and several of my close friends opportunities to go kiss the Blarney Stone, revel in the warm embraces of underage Bangkok hookers, and travel to Vatican City in order to tell Blitzkrieg Benny that his Papal hat fits the shape of penis looking head perfectly.

Man, those would be some good times.

So yeah, having all that money would be nice, because in spite of  all the partying and superficial things I would do with it, I’d have millions left over to help many others in a profound and significant way.

I like that…that makes me happy, however as it was pointed out earlier, some folks say money can’t buy happiness.

In spite of saying that I would be happy, and while I initially scoffed at the statement, ultimately, I agree.

Money cannot buy a person happiness, but that much money can buy a person a whole helluva lot of freedom to be themselves.

And Friday, if I, or you, or whoever, wins that money…we will see quickly what they do with it.  And what he or she does with it will give us an insight as to whether they were and are a happy person to begin with or not.

Many people have said, “The eyes are the windows to the soul.”

Ha...fuck that.  Having just won a Half a Billion Dollars is a far more accurate barometer of what lies within one's soul.

Good Luck on the Mega Millions, and…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

20 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Maybe money can't buy happiness, but that kind of money can allow you (or me, I really hope me!) to make a lot of people's lives better. Honestly, there would be nothing more awesome than anonymously making donations to worthy causes and people.

And maybe building a sweet IWS Media World Headquarters too.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: And that, my good man, is exactly what I would do with all that money as well. It would be hoot and it would bring happiness to me and more importantly others. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Mike said...

When I win I may fund that IWS Media World Headquarters.... maybe.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Suhhhhhhweet. Will our studio be inside the Gateway Arch? That would be cool. Cheers Mike!!

Matt-Man

Beth said...

I'd buy my very own Taco Bell, and bring back the Bell Beefer. Is that so wrong??

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: That would be a wonderful idea. I'd eat your tacos every damn day. Cheers Schmoop!!

Matt-Man

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I AM winning tomorrow and I plan to run away and do good deed anonymously. Gee, I'll miss you guys!

I'm With Stupid said...

Peg: I'll miss you too, but I could always be the recipient of one of your over the top and generous good deeds...just sayin'. Cheers Peg!!

Matt-Man

A Beer for the Shower said...

Can I win if I don't buy a lottery ticket? See, I think lotteries are stupid because you have no chance of winning, but I also want a ton of money, so you can see my dilemma.

I'm With Stupid said...

Beer: Hmmmmm, that's a tough nut to crack. Perhaps you could go into politics. Cheers Beer!!

Matt-Man

jack mehoff said...

matt said: "That would be a wonderful idea. I'd eat your tacos every damn day"

regarding beths taco.....

Adam said...

I would love to be a half-billionaire. I do find it funny that the super jackpots always drives people mad and gets them to purchase a load of tickets. Can't take a risk on a measly 10 million jackpot pish posh.

I'm With Stupid said...

Jack: Ohhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhh. Cheers Jack!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Adam: Pfffffft. Ten Million? Who needs the headache? Half a Billion is NOT a headache. Wait...What? Cheers Adam!!

Matt-Man

Jo said...

If I win, I'll back your new cable show. Or maybe we should have a whole network. I've always wanted to make public service announcements.

Love your outlook, Matt.

Unknown said...

Hey! Asparagus can get expensive, buddy!

I can't eat a losing lottery ticket.

But I might buy one if it gets to three-quarters of a billion dollars...

Knight said...

What were you talking about? I got distracted by tacos.

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: You won't believe this, but I am HUGE fan of well done PSA's. Most of them suck , so I do like the few that are well-done. Cheers Jo!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Katy: 3/4s of a Billion, eh? I dig how you hold out on fads until they become extreme. That's hot. Cheers Katy!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: C'mon...pay attention. You get distracted by tacos, when I am talking about a Lottery that I will never win. Pay attention to the important stuff, dammit!! Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Matt-Man