There has been a rumor circulating through the tubes of the internets of late, that I, Matt-Man, on March 6th am going to turn my political beliefs on their head by proudly going to my voting location in Ohio, declaring myself a Republican, and unabashedly casting my vote for Rick Santorum.
Well, let me tell you something, my dear friends of IWS…
The rumor is true, and…I am the one who started it.
Oh sure…
Some people claim that I am being flip. I am doing this as a joke. A gag.
Just trying to be comical by making fun of our precious right to vote which was granted to us and is protected for us by the brave men and women who died for us in order to have that right and so we may continue to have that right.
Well my friends, I say to those nay saying idiots…
You’re damn right!!
You know why?
Because this Presidential Election cycle has become the political punchline of a joke that burgeoned exponentially during the second Bill Clinton term that goes like this:
“What do you do to your opponent during an election? Lie, distort, lie again, and pander in order to gain and/or hold on to your seat. Ha Ha Ha Ha!!”
While there has always been pandering and deep schisms amongst Republicans and Democrats, the seriousness of our elections has raced to the bottom since ‘96, and today has reached the nadir of profundity, thought, and intellectual curiosity.
Now don’t get me wrong…I know that there have been, and always will be, bitter and ugly political campaigns, and frankly, I dig those, however…
In a bygone era, candidates from the two major parties vied for your vote in order to have a seat at the legislative table in order to pass a bill or two in which he or she believed. Now?
Candidates from the two major parties legislate and campaign in order to spend their entire lifetimes at the peoples’ legislative table, while putting his or her and more importantly, their constituents’ beliefs aside.
They will legislate by avoiding crucial votes, being innocuous and/or flexible in their positions, and of course…
They will go on the attack as often, as dirty, and as wrongly as they need, in order to hold on to that cash cow of a job that is the career of a U.S. Representative…or Senator…or President.
Y’know? This essay was intended to be a funny treatise about all the things I would have to change about myself once I became a Republican, and voted for Rick Santorum.
You know, things like…shaving…going to church…publicly hating gay people all the while hiring them to lick envelopes and having sex with them, but…
I guess, the joke about voting for Santorum that I perpetrated, backfired on me, and simply made me mad.
But, I am still going to switch from being an Independent to a Republican next Tuesday, and vote for Santorum.
Because while it was a joke, unlike the losers and panderers who run our nation, I will actually do what I promised to do.
No deflection. No, “I was going to but…”. No talk about, “the landscape” changing.
I said that I would vote for Santorum, and vote for Santorum I shall.
And who knows…Once I am officially, legally, and publicly declared a Republican, I may swing an invite to one of our area’s finer restaurants, or at least, score free tickets to a Tractor Pull.
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
E-Mail: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws
Well, let me tell you something, my dear friends of IWS…
The rumor is true, and…I am the one who started it.
Oh sure…
Just trying to be comical by making fun of our precious right to vote which was granted to us and is protected for us by the brave men and women who died for us in order to have that right and so we may continue to have that right.
Well my friends, I say to those nay saying idiots…
You’re damn right!!
You know why?
Because this Presidential Election cycle has become the political punchline of a joke that burgeoned exponentially during the second Bill Clinton term that goes like this:
“What do you do to your opponent during an election? Lie, distort, lie again, and pander in order to gain and/or hold on to your seat. Ha Ha Ha Ha!!”
While there has always been pandering and deep schisms amongst Republicans and Democrats, the seriousness of our elections has raced to the bottom since ‘96, and today has reached the nadir of profundity, thought, and intellectual curiosity.
Now don’t get me wrong…I know that there have been, and always will be, bitter and ugly political campaigns, and frankly, I dig those, however…
In a bygone era, candidates from the two major parties vied for your vote in order to have a seat at the legislative table in order to pass a bill or two in which he or she believed. Now?
Candidates from the two major parties legislate and campaign in order to spend their entire lifetimes at the peoples’ legislative table, while putting his or her and more importantly, their constituents’ beliefs aside.
They will legislate by avoiding crucial votes, being innocuous and/or flexible in their positions, and of course…
They will go on the attack as often, as dirty, and as wrongly as they need, in order to hold on to that cash cow of a job that is the career of a U.S. Representative…or Senator…or President.
Y’know? This essay was intended to be a funny treatise about all the things I would have to change about myself once I became a Republican, and voted for Rick Santorum.
You know, things like…shaving…going to church…publicly hating gay people all the while hiring them to lick envelopes and having sex with them, but…
I guess, the joke about voting for Santorum that I perpetrated, backfired on me, and simply made me mad.
But, I am still going to switch from being an Independent to a Republican next Tuesday, and vote for Santorum.
Because while it was a joke, unlike the losers and panderers who run our nation, I will actually do what I promised to do.
No deflection. No, “I was going to but…”. No talk about, “the landscape” changing.
I said that I would vote for Santorum, and vote for Santorum I shall.
And who knows…Once I am officially, legally, and publicly declared a Republican, I may swing an invite to one of our area’s finer restaurants, or at least, score free tickets to a Tractor Pull.
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
E-Mail: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws
6 comments:
The problem with keeping your word and doing what you promise to do is that kind of behavior is frowned upon these days.
Just be careful about tapping your foot in public restrooms.
Jay
Jay: I'm not only gonna tap my foot when I vote, Ima gonna videotape it. Let Freedom Riiiiing!! Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
I loved this post. The new political norm in America gets me so pissed off I have to laugh but for years now I can't quite manage to most of the time.
If you're planning on being a mole, I'll rally up my ninjas to help.
Jo: Why thanks Jo, and I'll be in communication with you in regards to Operation Mole via the IWS Drone. Cheers Jo!!
Matt-Man
Rick Santorum, let's see. Is he the one with the dog on the roof, the three wives, or the Mr. Magoo look a like?
Mike: Ricky has one wife, seven kids, and the Archangel Michael behind his back. Cheers Mike!!
Matt-Man
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