“Life is too short to be small.”
--Benjamin Disraeli
As you read that quote here on the pages of IWS, I know what you’re thinking…
“There goes Matt-Man citing another conservative British thinker and former Prime Minister, again.”
Or perhaps many of you are thinking…
“Who the fuck is Benjamin Disraeli?”
Either way, it doesn’t matter. It’s all about P-Min Ben-D’s quote….a quote which I happen to think about every time another birthday rolls around.
Life is too short to be small he says, and…we should all think of that quote every day, but especially on our birthdays. Why, you ask?
Because one’s birthday is his or her day to have a free pass on being a complete asshole!!
Oh Hell Yeah!! And bitches? Today is my day to get a free pass…and there is no way in Hell that, other than penis wise, am I gonna be small.
Oh my Lawdy no. Ima gonna let loose and let my pom pom guns of sarcasm blaze like the U.S. Fifth Fleet during the Marianas Turkey Shoot during the last days of World War II in the Pacific Theater.
Yep, bright and early after I call my son before he goes to school, I’m going to crack open the first of many beers and be obnoxious as I can on Facebook.
The people who do nothing but post religious quotes and talk about their love for God?
I am going to tell them that God hates them, their sorry lives, and says that if they truly loved Him, they’d get off their sorry asses and go out and help the poor instead of wallowing in self-pity over a broken relationship with a loser donning a wife beater.
The chicks who post, “men suck stuff”, and the guys who post, “women suck shit?” I am going to feel compelled to tell both camps, that y’all suck. No gender is worse than the other, the fact is, that YOU suck.
The people who get on there and complain how hard their day was, because their boss “was mean to them”? Ima gonna retort, at least you weren’t going through dumpsters looking for stinky ass beer cans to recycle.
And on Twitter? Oh man, Twitter is fun, because it is “real time”, and uppity folks feel invincible in spite of their stupidity, bigotry, and all-around lack of an IQ that exceeds 50.
I feel that today, on Twitter, Ima gunna virtually cut a bitch, because it’s my day dammit, and I cannot be held responsible.
When they reveal and revile in their tales of marriage gone awry, I will sit here, smile, take a sip of brew, and then type…
“Well there ya go.”
Ahhhhh, I can do all of this because it’s my Birthday, and when I wake up Wednesday, I can say…
“Wow, I didn’t mean any of that. It was my birthday, and I was tying one on.”
The truth of the matter is…
Whatever I say today on my birthday, I probably mean, and really…that is what Benjamin Disraeli meant by his quote.
Although he was a conservative, he, like liberal PM Gladstone, is a man I admire.
Disraeli never left anything in doubt. He laid it all out there.
And my birthday wish for myself, and for all of you as well…is that we always say what we mean, mean what we say, and never back down.
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws
--Benjamin Disraeli
As you read that quote here on the pages of IWS, I know what you’re thinking…
“There goes Matt-Man citing another conservative British thinker and former Prime Minister, again.”
Or perhaps many of you are thinking…
“Who the fuck is Benjamin Disraeli?”
Either way, it doesn’t matter. It’s all about P-Min Ben-D’s quote….a quote which I happen to think about every time another birthday rolls around.Life is too short to be small he says, and…we should all think of that quote every day, but especially on our birthdays. Why, you ask?
Because one’s birthday is his or her day to have a free pass on being a complete asshole!!
Oh Hell Yeah!! And bitches? Today is my day to get a free pass…and there is no way in Hell that, other than penis wise, am I gonna be small.
Oh my Lawdy no. Ima gonna let loose and let my pom pom guns of sarcasm blaze like the U.S. Fifth Fleet during the Marianas Turkey Shoot during the last days of World War II in the Pacific Theater.
Yep, bright and early after I call my son before he goes to school, I’m going to crack open the first of many beers and be obnoxious as I can on Facebook.
The people who do nothing but post religious quotes and talk about their love for God?
I am going to tell them that God hates them, their sorry lives, and says that if they truly loved Him, they’d get off their sorry asses and go out and help the poor instead of wallowing in self-pity over a broken relationship with a loser donning a wife beater.
The chicks who post, “men suck stuff”, and the guys who post, “women suck shit?” I am going to feel compelled to tell both camps, that y’all suck. No gender is worse than the other, the fact is, that YOU suck.
The people who get on there and complain how hard their day was, because their boss “was mean to them”? Ima gonna retort, at least you weren’t going through dumpsters looking for stinky ass beer cans to recycle.
And on Twitter? Oh man, Twitter is fun, because it is “real time”, and uppity folks feel invincible in spite of their stupidity, bigotry, and all-around lack of an IQ that exceeds 50.
I feel that today, on Twitter, Ima gunna virtually cut a bitch, because it’s my day dammit, and I cannot be held responsible.
When they reveal and revile in their tales of marriage gone awry, I will sit here, smile, take a sip of brew, and then type…
“Well there ya go.”
Ahhhhh, I can do all of this because it’s my Birthday, and when I wake up Wednesday, I can say…
“Wow, I didn’t mean any of that. It was my birthday, and I was tying one on.”
The truth of the matter is…
Whatever I say today on my birthday, I probably mean, and really…that is what Benjamin Disraeli meant by his quote.
Although he was a conservative, he, like liberal PM Gladstone, is a man I admire.
Disraeli never left anything in doubt. He laid it all out there.
And my birthday wish for myself, and for all of you as well…is that we always say what we mean, mean what we say, and never back down.
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws
10 comments:
Instead of "birthday" it should be called "stir shit up day."
Jay
Jayman: I like that a lot. Maybe I'll go watch Ryno's B-Ball game tonight like a drunked up Dennis Hopper in Hoosiers. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
So it's TWO bottles of WIR today, right? HBD dude.
Thank God I'm at work;) Happy Birthday baby!
Mike: I had my Rose last night. Today, I'm sticking with beer. I want to be quasi-functional as I celebrate and goof on people. Cheers Mike!!
Matt-Man
Beth: What are you saying? I will behave myself and see you later today, Schmoop. Cheers Baby!!
Matt-Man
Thank you for warning me that I'll miss the show if I don't spend the day stalking you.
Oh and Happy Birthday Matt-Man!
Beth: If I were you I would be careful upon entry of the apartment later. God knows what he will have done. Keep in mind, eating raw bacon is bad for you no matter what he wraps with it.
Knight: Why thanks and seriously...Raw bacon may be bad for a person to eat, but it makes a great, albeit short-lived, substitute for a whip. Cheers Knight!!
Matt-Man
47 years young
let the shit hit the fan
happy birthday Matt-Man - tie several on for me - beers ....not something perverted
Jack: Ha Very Good. I am tying several on now, and then have to engage buzz kill so I can go watch my son play roundball tonight. Thanks and Cheers Jack!!
Matt-Man
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