State fo the Union Insta-Analysis

Hola y’all and welcome to my expert analysis of the State of the Union address. I’ll be firing away at the O-Man throughout the speech and then post this raw and unedited. Well, I might edit it some, but I won’t change my reactions to the idiotic things Obama is going to say.

Also, it’s my understanding that Indian Governor Mitch Daniels will be giving the Republican Response tonight. I won’t include him since I get to make fun of republicans three times a week when they debate. But, I will say I’m so happy that Newt’s success has allowed Gov. Daniels to make a comeback and forced everyone to go back to pretending he’s not a fucking weirdo.

Okay, everyone’s in the building! LET’S DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!

Ahem. He’s taking his time getting to the podium. I guess I’ll have another beer.

Whoa! That wasn’t a “FRIENDZONE” hug he just gave Gabby Giffords.

John Boehner is still the darkest man in the room.

Okay, here we go.  … DRINK!!

I honestly thought there was at least an outside chance Obama would show up wearing a glittery jacket and just do lounge songs. No such luck. Apparently he’s gonna be all serious about this shit.

The State of the Union is? … Strong? Not fucking hardly dude.

Opening by praising the military and reminding everyone he had Bin Laden killed. If you don’t applaud you hate America more than Obama does.

“An economy built to last, where hard work pays off, and responsibility is rewarded.” – Pfffffft. Yeah right.

“… a blueprint for an economy that’s built to last – an economy built on American manufacturing, American energy, skills for American workers, and a renewal of American values.” – Yeah, I think that horse has already left the barn buddy.

I’m glad I didn’t tell you guys to drink every time he uses the word “responsibility.” That would have been down-right irresponsible of me.

Lots of talk of “tax equity.” It’s almost as if he expects to run against Romney in the fall.

I wonder if any republican will use the words “Class Warfare” to describe Obama’s speech.

If I ever attend a SotU I’m going to bring a laser pointer with me to see if I can freak out the Secret Service.

Let’s break for a little song and dance routine from Shakira…

General Moters is #1 again and Mitt Romney is a big fat poopy head!

“What’s happening in Detroit can happy anywhere. Cleveland. Pittsburgh.” – IT ALREADY HAS!!

We’re still talking about the auto industry. We get it. You got one right. Thanks. Let’s move on.

A Trade Enforcement Unit! We’re gonna let China have it! Finally. Maybe. We’ll see.

1^st Human Interest Story: “Jayman is a guy who is fast becoming a HUGE internet celebrity, yet he still has no groupies. My administration will NOT LET THIS STAND! We’re going to assign some of the daughters of legal age of Newt and Bill Clinton’s groupies to him. It’s only fair.”

“Unemployment, Reemployment, ME-employment.”

If we had done something about immigration reform when we should have, Mitt Romney’s family never would have moved here from Mexico! 

John Kerry looks like our economy!

“Blah, blah, blah … Energy strategy.” Yeah, yeah whatever. Justified comes on in 20 minutes. Pick up the pace.

Transportation projects! Does this mean his going to fix my car?

Oh great. Now he wants to fix the mortgage crisis that he could have fixed already but caved to both dems and repubs in ’09 on fixing the bankruptcy bill.

Obama keeps saying he “won’t go back.” That’s great, but he isn’t going forward either.

Joe Biden either has a cold and keeps eating lozenges or he has a very serious Vicodin habit.

The debt, taxes and other shit. I’m not gonna lie. I’m running out of energy here.

Sorry, I had to take a break to give Christine O’Donnell some shit on Twitter.

Now, it’s mostly “republicans suck.” I forget, is this an election year?

“You can call it ‘Class Warfare’ all you want.” – GOP response: You’re on!

How fucking long is this speech? GAWD!

Has Obama updated us on Demi Moore’s condition?

IRAN!!

ISRAEL!!

And yeah, that’s pretty much it. More military is great, America is great stuff you’ve heard before and will again. Okay, that’s it, I’m going to watch Justified now. Thanks!

Jayman
email: jayman3768@gmail.com
twitter: @Jayman_IWS