Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Cain, Lohan, Kardashian and Bieber: Just Playin' the Game

Hola Bitches! Whew! What a week it’s been on the fake outrage front, huh? Herman Cain has been accused of sexually harassing at least three women. Kim Kardashian filed for divorce after ONLY 72 days of marriage and a wedding where she allegedly received well over $10 million dollars. Lindsay Lohan has been sent back to jail for probation violation. Aaaaannnnd, as if that’s not enough, a sweet, innocent young lady named Mariah Yeater has filed a PETERNITY SUIT against Justin Bieber!

Biebs? Knocked up some chick? Say it isn’t so!

Quick EPIC sexual harassment story:

I worked for a manufacturing company while going to college back in the 90s. We had a guy who worked in shipping who liked to come to work in drag. That wasn’t the problem though. In fact, nobody ever said a word to him. Mostly because we all knew if we said even one negative thing to him/her we would get fired, and because most of us didn’t really give much of a shit.

So, a guy riding around on a stand up forklift while wearing a dress had very little effect on anyone there. However, management did take a rather dim view of his deciding to go commando during the summer months. And, then one day when he jumped off the forklift in front of a couple of guys, lifted his dress up, shook it and yelled “WHEW! LOVE THAT BREEZE TODAY!” he got himself fired.

As the old saying goes: “Go Big or Go Home.” He did both.

Anyhoo, maybe we should all take a step back and give these stories a little room and reassess what’s going on. We’re so busy knee-jerk reacting to stuff we read on the internet and applying society’s silly little “rules” that we don’t bother to wait for the facts to come out.

You know what else is fascinating about these stories? The immediate reaction of most people in society to blame the women involved. Except for the Herman Cain story, of course, in his case we’ll just blame the black guy. Man, it’s great to know that some things just never change.

People want Lindsay Lohan thrown in jail for a looooooooong time, but they don’t know what for. They think Kim Kardashian committed fraud against all the companies that sponsored her wedding, yet give that lunkhead Kris Humphries a total pass and act like he’s innocent. Mariah Yeater? ARREST HER FOR STATUTORY RAPE! What about Selena Gomez? That’s different, she’s famous. And, of course the assumption that Herman Cain must have done something wrong or these sweet, innocent, defenseless women would never have made those accusations.

Maybe everyone involved was just doing their thang? Everyone is just playing the game. What’s the big deal? Herman was just trying to get a little lovin from some young hotties. Justin was just doing what rock stars do and getting busy with a groupie. Lindsay is just living the thug life like she always has. And Kim is just working it the way society taught her to.

As for Herman’s victims? They got hit on by the HNIC and knew they could make a little spending money. Hermmy made it rain for them with his propositions. Kris Humphries? Got to be one of the whitest dudes to bang Kim Kardashian, made a little money and stayed busy during the NBA lockout. And Mariah Yeater? She’s got 18 years (possibly) of big time child support payments coming her way.

See? Everyone’s gonna be okay here. There’s no reason to get upset over these things. Well, except for Lindsay is an obvious victim of our corrupt and incompetent justice system. But, we can’t really change that.

As the late, great Omar Little once said: “It’s all in the game, yo. It’s all in the game.”


In other news we talked about both Herman Cain and Justin Bieber today on our “Let a Playa Play” episode of I’m With Stupid. We also talked a little about sexual harassment and did some show prep for Saturday’s “Pizza Extravaganza” show.  Please just ignore the part where I screwed up my “John Huntsman has an Asian fetish joke.” It was a cheap shot anyway, the Comedy Gods made sure I screwed it up.

Anyway, it was another 45 minute so quality entertainment at a fair price. Thanks for listening!

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Gnetch said...

I really can't believe Justin Bieber got someone pregnant. I mean, HOW COULD SHE DO THAT?

Mike said...

Whew! This is a releif! Finally the phrase 'Hola Bitches!' makes its reappearance. I thought you were getting soft. (that's what she said)

I'm With Stupid said...

The only way I am truly going to be disappointed in Herman Cain is if nothing truly sexual happened. I want to believe. Cheers Jayman!!


A Beer for the Shower said...

Justin Bieber's testicles dropped?! I call bullshit.

I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: I'm sure the DNA test will prove it wasn't Justin. But, either way, we can still mock him.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: It comes and goes with the wind.


I'm With Stupid said...

Matt: I'm hoping for Clarence Thomas level creativity from Herm.


I'm With Stupid said...

Beer: I doubt he even has testicles.


Anonymous said...

Justin Bieber will be a mother? I mean father?

I'm With Stupid said...

Pesos: Justin and another lesbian are having a baby? I think that's right.