Friday, August 5, 2011

Cruising the Internet Super-Highway in an Unmarked Car

Hey You!? Yeah you, hey!? I’m talking to you…

I’m Anonymous Social Media User and I have a few things to get off my chest…a chest by the way, that may or may not contain a rack of 44-Ds or well-chiseled Adonis-like pecs.

See? You don’t know what my chest looks like, because, well…I’m anonymous, and I fucking like it that way.

Oh sure, I may use an avatar or a picture showing nice cleavage or a muscle bound chest dripping in masculinity, but how can you be sure that that is really me?

Ha!! You can’t, because I am anonymous, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it, can you?

I’m naked as I type this post for IWS…or am I just saying that?

I could be wearing a leisure suit, or a Duran Duran concert t-shirt, or a house dress with a floral print depending on my sex, which of course…

You can’t be quite sure of, because as I have mentioned…I am anonymous.

I may be a man. I may be a woman. I may be 14. I may be 41. Who knows? No one…and I like it that way.

My true identity is hidden behind a fa├žade of innocuous pictures, profiles, and personalities.

Sure, you can label me as a sad individual afraid of my spouse, my creditors, my boss, but really, I’m anonymous because it offers me the freedom to say whatever I want, whenever I want with no repercussions.

In fact…

It offers a win-win situation to me, an otherwise loathsome individual.

If people like what I say on say, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or a blog, I tell myself:

“I am on a roll today.”

If they don’t like what I say, I tell myself:

“Screw them. They don’t hate me; they hate my anonymous persona.”

Either way…

I get the attention I so richly crave, and still get to maintain my mundane, yet comfortable lifestyle, hangout with the family, and don’t get looks of scorn from those with whom I attend church every Sunday.

You people who put it all out there and show yourselves? You are one stupid, un-anonymous, gaggle of broadband geese making fools of yourselves.

And me?

I can sit here plucking away on the keyboard of internet anonymity and love myself.

Or hate myself, because, well…I’m anonymous, and I fucking like it that way.

Sincerely (or not),

Anonymous Social Media User


Jay said...

While reading this post, I’m lying on my luxurious custom made bed being fed grapes by a supermodel quality babe as voluptuous Latinas gently fan me to keep me cool in this oppressive summer head and am snuggling with sexy, naked, petite Asian schoolgirl twins.

Or not.

IWS Radio said...

Two of which being a contraction:

That's Hot!!


Beth said...

This is fabulous! Almost makes me wish I was anonymous! Nah!

IWS Radio said...

Beth: I know you would enjoy that, but there is no turning back now. Zoves!!


Knight said...

I never quite care as much about the totally anon social media users. I want to feel like I know you or why the f*#@ would I care what you do?

IWS Radio said...

Knight: I feel the same way Knight, until I get to know some of these people, and then I say to myself:

"Holy Cow, they SHOULD remain anonymous."



A Beer for the Shower said...

See, this is what's hard about having a glorious rack, is that it's ruined by the anonymous on the Internet. You can't handle these amazing jugs.

They're real, and they're spectacular.

Desert Rat said...

I always figured that anonymous posters were cowardly. It's a stereotype I hold in my own mind, although I can appreciate the freedom anonymity could bring.

Like, if I was totally anonymous, I could flame some of the bloggers I think are complete asshats without the potential for repercussion - and there are two that leap to mind virtually instantaneously. (No, it's not the IWS guys.)

I think I'm so awesome, though, that if someone doesn't like me, I just think, "Whatever... their loss and so totally NOT mine," 'cause I really don't care what anyone else thinks - well, except my mother... or not.

Does the beer in my hand make me look fat?

Anonymous said...

I love you guys....You always bring a smile to my face...

See you on tomorrow's show...

Or not.

Mike said...


IWS Radio said...

Rat: I understand what you mean however; anonymous bloggers are far from free as they evidently have to hide themselves and what they think from "real life."

It's as though the internet provides them from a weekend furlough from the lives that are their prisons.

Cheers Hot Stuff.


IWS Radio said...

Beer: While your rack may be spectacular in no way do I want to see it, as I would rather be beaten up by the Van Buren boys. Cheers!!

Joker: Oh we can't wait to have you as our guest. Cheers!!

Mike: I love your succinctness, Mike. Cheers!!


Mike said...

Here's some perfect timing for an interesting article on fake twitter accounts.

Schadenfreude Warehouse said...

Is it okay if I picture you with enormously overdeveloped pecs AND attired in a floral house dress?
Just asking.

Dana said...


IWS Radio said...

Mike: I would read that article but you know what? I find it incredibly uninteresting. Kidding of course. Sorta.

Schaden: Now only can you imagine me like that, that's how I usually look...minus the overdeveloped pecs.

Dana: That pretty much says it all.



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