Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Founding Fathers and Michele Bachmann...A Match Made in Peyote

As the national party known as the 235th Annual 4th of July Let’s Get Drunk and Light off Fireworks Bash draws nigh, I thought I’d lick an eye of newt, smoke a bowl of peyote, get out my Ouija board, and channel the spirits of some of our founding fathers and the like.

I was hoping for some deep, philosophical communications with them in regards to the state of our nation, however…
All they wanted to do was talk about Michele Bachmann. It was odd, but I wrote down some of their quippier and pithier undead comments as they spoke…

Thomas Jefferson: She’s pretty damn hot…for a white girl.

George Washington: I cannot tell a lie…I’d bust her cherry tree in an instant.

Patrick Henry: If I could remove the head of that Sean Hannity motherfucker from her arse for just one second, I would angrily, yet happily, oscillate her anal orifice with vigor and profundity.

Samuel Adams: She’d look great on a beer bottle.

Benjamin Franklin: She has a lovely face, however; she lacks a sufficient amount of cream in her bodkins that I find so appealing in a women, and that which churns, shall we say, “my sexual butter.”

You can’t argue with the Founding Fathers, so step off Tom Petty.

Michele Bachmann obviously is, an American Girl.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
Matt-Man on Twitter 

10 comments:

Beth said...

You my love have a serious problem;)

IWS Radio said...

I'm not surprised that the founding fathers are so interested in Michele. They always were a bunch of horny old men. I learned that in 5th grade American History class.

Also, Tom Petty won't back down. Nor will he be happy until Bachmann screws up and her campaign is free fallin'.

-Jay

David said...

That is witty and effing hilarious - however in my typical verbose style I have a question - where do you shop to get a fresh eye of newt? I haven't found any of late and I have some good recipes that call for them

IWS Radio said...

Beth: What problem? My peyote addiction?

Jay: I am surprised that party animal Ben was the only slightly nay vote on the issue of M-Bach.

David: Go to Minnie's Parlor of Oddities in Vicksburg, MS. Knock on the back door and ask for Cletus...He'll fix ya right up.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Joker_SATX said...

Matt, I am starting to come around to your way of thinking here. Let's elect her. Let's set up a cot in the oval office. Let's have every guy in America take a number...

I like this plan....

IWS Radio said...

Joker: Damn right. Every President should have an open backdoor policy. Cheers Joker!!

Matt-Man

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Of course they like her...they are all dead and have not been laid in hundreds of years...heck, they would be willing to have a go with Ina at this point.

(OH wait, Ina was Jay's post...nevermind)

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