The Washington Redskins Name Should Not Go up in Smoke!!

Cheeeeeeeeers and Happy Hump Day Chuckleheads!!

Whether you are a sports fan or not, or more particularly, a football fan or not, you probably have heard that once again as happens every so often, that some folks want the Washington Redskins to change the name of their NFL franchise.

Every few years or so, this Native American sports moniker issue comes up, and has upon occasion come up with other sports teams from the High School level up to and including the professional level.

Well…As typical, the Washington Redskins are on the hot bench again as they are being attacked and ambushed through every media outlet known to man, by the heap big Oneida Indian Nation of upstate New York.

The Oneida Nation has spent much wampum buying ads that tout their outrage over the name “Redskins”, and are demanding that Washington Redskins majority owner Dan Snyder, change the name of his team…a team and business, that he owns…to something else.

Some members of Congress and other elected officials have even decided to walk down the Anti-Redskins political correctness Trail of Tears and have sent letters and smoke signals to Snyder asking him to change the name.

Hell, just the other day, even President Obama was asked whether the Redskins should change their name. The President replied that if he was the owner, he would consider changing it…perhaps…maybe mull it over.

Translation?

“I probably would, but since Northern Virginia and D.C. are bluer than hell electoral wise, love their Redskins, and don’t want a name change, Ima gonna do a rain dance around this issue.  Now pass me the Peace Pipe because the government shutdown and the looming debt ceiling crisis make me want to smoke.”

Listen…

I am sure to some Native Americans, the word may be offensive, but the word in its origin (nearly 400 years ago) was not, and was only made derogatory for a short period of time by a couple of authors in the early 20th Century.

Like most Americans, and most Native Americans, when I hear the term, the Washington Redskins, I don’t think of rabid American Indians on a scalping binge, I think of a lackluster NFL football team, and that’s all.

On the other side of the argument, I hear folks say…

“Well, you’d be up in arms if they were called, The Washington Niggers!!”

To which I say…Yes, I would be up in arms, and I wouldn’t watch them…and neither would most other Americans, and the franchise wouldn’t survive, because that term connotes nothing but hate.

Redskins on the other hand?  Eh…Look at the logo…It’s not a disrespectful logo.

At least here in West Central Ohio where I have grown up and spent my entire life, Indians are revered. And I say Indians because we don’t call them Native Americans much.  We call them Indians and their people are a rich ingredient of our history.

This area is the cradle of the Shawnee, the Miami, the Ottawa, the Delaware, and the Wyandot tribes among others.  It’s home to Tecumseh, to Cornstalk, and to Blue Jacket, and that is why the Columbus Blue Jackets of the NHL are thusly named.  Great leaders of men, one and all.  And we respect them here in Ohio, and...

I am pretty sure that Washington Redskins fans have no ill will against “the Red Man” either.  Win or lose, they love their Redskins.

Dan Snyder can do whatever he wants, which of course knowing Dan Snyder he will, but I say keep the name the same.  It’s a nickname and the logo is much more respectful than that of the Cleveland Indians…

However, if pressure comes to bear and Snyder can take it no longer, he could always change the Redskins name to something else that involves animals or nature, and do it with a big ol' screw you to the PC Police…

Something like...

The Washington Sitting Bulls.

The Washington Red Clouds, or…my favorite…

The Washington Crazy Horses!!

Of course, if RG III gets hurts again, Snyder could always name his team…

The Washington Wounded Knees.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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Solving the Native American Team Mascot Problem

Hola y’all! As many of you guys know there’s a debate RAGING in the sports world over the use of Native American names and imagery as mascots for sports teams. A lot of people think they should be done away with because they are offensive to Native Americans. Well, today I thought I would solve this problem by suggesting some good alternative names for some of major sports teams that use Native American mascots.

Washington Redskins: The late great Tony Kornheiser has already solved this one. He says to just put a potato on the side of the helmet and that takes care of everything. I don’t really think I can improve on that idea.

Cleveland Indians: Most people think this one would be the most difficult, but not me. In fact, I’m taking a cue from Mr. Kornheiser and telling Cleveland that they don’t even have to change their name. Just change your logo to Frieda Pinto. Problem solved.

Edmonton Eskimos: I don’t know if people in Canada are really up in arms over this one or not. It doesn’t seem as bad as some of the others. But, if it is a problem simply change the team name to “Edmonton Eskimo Pies.” Who doesn’t love ice cream? They can give out free Eskimo Pies to kids and make little Eskimo Pie Pucks to sell as souvenirs and shit like that. It will be a great move marketing-wise!

Atlanta Braves: The Braves are probably the second most controversial team after the Redskins when it comes to offending Native Americans. A lot of people really HATE the war chant too, including me. My dislike of it comes mostly from the fact that they stole it from Florida State University though. Actually, if you watch Braves baseball games, you can kind of tell that the fans are a bit embarrassed by the chant too. Instead of “Daaa-daa-da-da-da” they’re more like “Saaa-aaa-rr-rr-y” So the obvious answer is to simply drop the “B” and go with the Atlanta “Raves” Just get someone to draw a silhouette of a person with a glow stick in his/her hand and hitting a bong and build a mosh pit in the bleachers in center field and all will be right with the world.  

Kansas City Chiefs: Again, a very simple fix. Just change the name to the “Chefs.” The fans could all wear silly chef hats to the games and KC already has a great tailgate party tradition so the new name fits right in! Also, get Giada de Laurentiis to model your football gear or to put her name on some Kansas City Chefs tailgating gear and rake in the money guys!

Florida State Seminoles: FSU is who all the other “war chant” teams have modeled their offensiveness after. They claim the okie dokie from the Seminole Indians so they have no intention of changing. BUT … If they do change I have a great idea for them. They could change their nickname to “Florida State University Semicolons!”  Think about it! Semicolons are every bit as controversial as Seminoles and far more intellectual which is a great thing for a major institution of higher learning to do. I think this is my best idea of all!  

Chicago Blackhawks: This is really a tough one. I don’t want them to have to make a HUGE change to the name. Just changing one or two letters is preferable. I mean, I guess they could go with the Chicago Blacks … Wait, you can’t do that. Shit I don’t know about this one. Oh I’ve got it. The Chicago Blackcawks! That won’t upset anyone!

There you go! As you can see, a little creativity and an open mind usually solve all problems and make everyone happy. A name change isn’t the end of the world. Look how great things have gone for the Washington Wizards since they changed from the “Bullets!”

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