The JayManHate™ Bracket

Hola y’all! It’s time once again for us to fill out our NCAA Tournament brackets. Tradition has it that I fill out my JayManHate™ Bracket. I pick schools by choosing which one I hate the most. I won’t pick every single game here. I’ll just review the brackets and pick the finals of each Regional, the Final Four and the Champion.

Midwest:  In the Midwest Finals we’ve got Missouri vs. Duke. Are you kidding me? Hell, they make me not even think about Memphis and I hate them like a fat kid hates running.  How am I supposed to choose between these two? It’s like choosing between Hitler and Satan! You’ve got Missouri and their long line of never winning anything vs Duke and their long line of good-looking, rich players winning everything! That seems like an easy choice, but despite never being relevant Mizzou thinks they are EEEEE-LEEEEEET! God they’re fucking annoying!

My Pick: Missouri

West: There’s a lot to hate in the West bracket. You’ve got Kansas St, Gonzaga, Pitt, Ohio St and of course Notre Dame. After hours of angry debate with myself I’m going to narrow it down to Kansas St vs Ohio St. This is similar to Mizzou vs Duke in that Kansas St is even more irrelevant than Mizzou, but they think they are the greatest program in the history of America. Also, KSU fans make San Francisco Giants fans seem nice and friendly. Ohio St, on the other hand, has brought insufferableness to levels even Chicago Cubs and New York Yankees fans couldn’t imagine. What a battle of douchiness we have here folks. I guess I’ll go with the douches I know best and hate most though.

My Pick: Kansas St.

South: There are only two schools in the South bracket that I hate. Looks like Oklahoma and Florida will meet up in the Sweet Sixteen in an epic Battle of Shitbags! Look at this match up! Both states are full of gun-toting, backwards-ass rednecks. The only thing that saves Florida is they have beaches. Oklahoma doesn’t allow porn and you can only buy 3.2 beer cold.  Fuck that!

My Pick: Oklahoma

East: There’s a lot of hate to be had in the East bracket. Indiana considers themselves basketball royalty and even though I like the way they play their coach is one of the biggest dickheads in the world. I have above average level hate for Miami, Syracuse (and their bullshit zone defense) and N.C. State. But, there’s one school that I have special amount of hate for. Hate that has grown exponentially over the last two years as their fans and the pathetic slobbering media have annoyed me to no end...

My Pick: Butler

So, final four of the JayManHate™ Bracket is:  Missouri v Kansas St. and Butler v OU

Wow! What an awesome battle that Mizzou/KSU game will be. The whining, victimization, finger pointing, fit-throwing by coaches, players and fans will be surpassed only by what you see at a daycare when every single baby didn’t get his/her nap.

Butler/OU is a pretty interesting matchup too. You’ve got the “We’re so much better than you and play such a superior sophisticated and intellectual brand of basketball” of Butler vs the “We’re better Americans and superior Christians than you” of Oklahoma.

Hmmmmm …. This isn’t easy, but I think the Finals of the JayHateMan™ Bracket is ... 

Missouri vs Butler

What’s left to say about these assholes? Every last one of them can eat a bag of dicks. I don’t even know what “eat a bag of dicks” means, but I see it on the internet all the time and find it funny. Again, after hours and hours of RAGE BUILDING I have made my choice.

The winner of the JayManHate™ Bracket is ... 

MISSOURI!!!! 

Congrats Fuckwits! You earned it!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Matt Said, Jay Said: _VMCMLXIX

Matt blathers, Jay blathers, You listen intently.

Matt: Good evening how may I direct your call?
Jay: May I speak to the decision maker of the house?
Matt: Oh that would be me. Totally.
Jay: Great! I’m calling on behalf of Branson Weekends.
Matt: I love Branson Missouri!
Jay: Well, we would like to offer you a great deal on a weekend there!
Matt: Do we get to look at timeshare condos?
Jay: Absolutely!
Matt: Cooooooooool!
Jay: And, you’ll get to stay in a lovely suite overlooking Lake Taneycomo.
Matt: Lake Perry Como?
Jay: No, TANEY-como.
Matt: Is Perry Como performing there? Or is he dead? Or was that Andy Williams.
Jay: Well, they’re both dead, but Clink Black is headlining the Andy Williams Theater.
Matt: Eh. We were hoping for Pam Tillis, so no thanks.
Jay: Okie Dokie.

Jay: Have you seen how many listens we got for the Man Crush show?
Matt: It’s actually a little scary.
Jay: Who are these people?
Matt: Shut-ins, I suppose.
Jay: Sad, lonely people.
Matt: They just “get” us.
Jay: We speak to them.
Matt: They know we’re one of them.
Jay: People who masturbate then cry themselves to sleep at night.
Matt: Boy do we know how that is.
Jay: Totally.

Matt: *typing*
Jay: Who are you communicating with?
Matt: My brother.
Jay: What’s he doing?
Matt: Riding around in a golf cart.
Jay: Why?
Matt: Because he can’t find a caddie? Hey-OOOOO
Jay: I walked right into that one.
Matt: I’m way too quick for you.
Jay: Obviously.

Jay: Got any ideas for Sunday?
Matt: Many!
Jay: Do you want to share them?
Matt: You promise not to tell anyone?
Jay: Of course!
Matt: Well, Ryno turns 18 next week.
Jay: That’s exciting.
Matt: So I thought we could talk about when WE were 18?
Jay: I like it!
Matt: I’m sure we both have plenty of stories.
Jay: Absolutely. And that’s when we both had hope for our futures.
Matt: Exactly! We were graduating high school and heading to college.
Jay: Lots of great experiences.
Matt: It’ll be HUGE!
Jay: Another MONSTER show coming up!
Matt: I can’t wait!
Jay: Me either!

Alright, there you go. A little insight into how a couple of brilliant guys put together the NUMBER ONE comedy show on BTR! Tune in Sunday at 12 Noon ET for “When We Were 18.” And then call in with your great memories.