I'm With Stupid

The Adventures of Jay Noir

2012-02-26T22:59:00.000-05:00

I was awakened first thing on a Sunday morning by the phoneringing. I was a terrible and depressing ring. One that told me right awaythere was trouble. My hangover was as big and nasty as Chris Christie, but Iknew I had to answer the phone. And when I did, my worst fears were realized.

It was M.E.on the other end, something horrible had happened. Something so horrifying thatthere was only one person she could call. Her laptop was messed up. She washysterical and hard to understand. I did my best to calm her down and get herto tell me what had happened, but it was no use. The best I could decipher wasthat her screen had shifted far to the right and was stuck there like theRepublican Party.

I knew I had to act quickly. Time was of the essence. I toldher I would come over and do the best I could, but made no promises. In mybusiness you have to manage expectations. When dealing with old people andelectronics anything is possible.

So had a bowl of Frosted Flakes with a tequila chaser andhopped into the shower. As I let the hot water flow over me like a river ofregret I thought about where it all went wrong. In the movies men like me onlygot calls from classy but desperate broads with piles of money and long legs,not crazy old bats who wear bib overalls every day. I told myself there was notime to dwell on that any longer, I had work to do.

I headed out into the foreboding morning winds and cold. MyInfiniti cutting through the air like a knife slicing through Billy Gardell’sblubber as the sounds of 70’s soft rock barely emanate over the high pitchedwhirring of the Japanese made engine. I raced along the Bypass like ahovercraft skimming along the water. The working girls and their pimps juststopped and stared as I passed and then stiffened as a chill ran down theirspines. Everyone knew where I was going, and they felt the fear in the pit oftheir stomachs.

M.E’s house smelled like despair and Gold Bond Powder. Theair was thick and stale like brownie that had been left out on a plate for afew days. I opened her laptop and the problem was right there in my face like apuss-oozing open sore on a stripper’s taint. I immediately recognized whatneeded to be done. I had gotten lucky, but it wasn’t without a price. M.E. wasstill sitting there firing questions at me like a tennis ball cannon and I wasJimmy Connors in his prime.

So, I fixed the problem with little effort. M.E. thanked meprofusely. They always do. But, I wasn’t there for her thanks or adoration. Iwas there because it’s what I do. I fix people’s problems, and I move on. Allwhile my own problems fester unattended like a rash near my balls that keepsgetting aggravated by my tighty whities.

I moved on. Alone. That’s what I do. I headed down to thebar to hang out with my only friend, bourbon. I spent the afternoon sipping ona glass of Pappy Van Winkle reminding myself this is the life I’ve chosen.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Babe of the Week: Hot Babes of the 80's

2012-02-26T00:59:00.000-05:00

This week I’m With Stupid is celebrating the Babes of the 80’s as our Babe of the Week!

Susanna Hoffs

Michelle Pfeiffer

Samantha Fox

Lea Thompson

Phoebe Cates

And, be sure to check out our 80’s Extravaganza on I’m With Stupid last night. We talked music and movies and how much promise and hope our lives had back then. And of course we had a Pee Break with Schmoop segment where she sand a little Judas Priest! Totally awesome!

So put on your acid wash jeans and Members’ Only jackets and let’s have a really rad time!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Matt Said, Jay Said XVII

2012-02-24T23:59:00.000-05:00

Matt sgyrsiau, Jay sgyrsiau, You gwrando.

Matt: “Look, Tyra I told you it’s over. You gotta stop calling me.”
Jay: “Wha?”
Matt: “Oh it’s you.”
Jay: “Who did you expect?”
Matt: “Tyra Banks. Every couple of months she calls me begging me to take her back.”
Jay: “Poor Tyra.”
Matt: “I used to feel sorry for her, but she so needy.”
Jay: “Oh man. I hate that.”
Matt: “It’s just part of the struggle that is my life.”
Jay: “It ain’t easy being Matt.”
Matt: “True dat. True dat.”
Jay: “Mmmm-Hmmm”
Matt: “Yup”

Jay: “So how ya doing?”
Matt: “Awful. Just awful.”
Jay: “Awww. That sucks.”
Matt: “Yeah it does. This cold is kicking my ass.”
Jay: “It’s Al Gore’s fault.”
Matt: “How?”
Jay: “He created Global Warming. Warm winter means worse cold & flu season.”
Matt: “That fucking bastard.”
Jay: “I KNOW RIGHT? He totally caused this. I read it on the internet.”
Matt: “Well, I’d like to kick him in the balls.”
Jay: “He deserves it.”

Jay: “How’s the no bread thing going so far.”
Matt: “Not too bad. It’s early still though.”
Jay: “It’ll get old fast though.”
Matt: “True. How’s the walking and stuff going?”
Jay: “Not bad. Shoulders and arms are sore from the weights.”
Matt: “It’ll get better.”
Jay: “Hope so, I can barely type.”
Matt: “Do you listen to the theme from Rocky?”
Jay: “No, I listen to this: *plays “You make me feel like dancing” by Leo Sayer”
Matt: “Ha! Of course. And now I have to play that for Schmoop.”
Jay: “Folow it up with: *plays “Boogie Shoes” K.C & the Sunshine Band.”
Matt: “Okay, stop.”
Jay: “You don’t want to lay down the boogie and play that funky music White Boy?”
Matt: “Not at this time, no.”
Jay: “Okay, I guess.”

Matt: “So, we doing an 80’s Extravaganza this week?”
Jay: “Sounds like a great idea.”
Matt: “The 80’s so ruled.”
Jay: “Totally. Great memories!”
Matt: “Oh yeah. Great music, movies, hell, everything.”
Jay: “Wonderful time to be a live.”
Matt: “It was!”
Jay: “Okay, I’ll be so rad!”
Matt: “Totally awesome!”
Jay: “I’m stoked!”

So there you go. True genius as it happened in real time. More or less. And don’t forget to listen to our “80s Extravaganza” on Saturday at 11 PM ET on I’m With Stupid. It’s gonna be so awesome. Even more so if you’re there.

And, to get you into the mood, here is our Kick Ash Wednesday show that was really pretty freaking fun. We talked Ash Wednesday, Lent, Atheism, Veganism and all kinds of other stuff all while battling colds. We are true professionals and we do it all for YOU!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Lou Dobbs Hates Dr. Seuss, Brown People and Iran

2012-02-23T23:59:00.000-05:00

So, Lou Dobbs continues to fit in with his fellow crazies atFox News. Now he’s decided that Dr. Seuss is dangerous to children. Hecomplained that the new movie The Loraxis “Hollywoodindoctrinating our children!”

So, I thought I would share with you Lou Dobbs’ own versionof his favorite Dr. Seuss poem.

I am Lou

I am Lou
Lou I am

That Lou-I-am
That Lou-I-am!
I do not like
that Lou-I-am

Do you like
brown people and Iran?

I do not like them,
Lou-I-am.
I do not like
brown people and Iran.

Would you like them
Here or there?

They are illegal here
And terrorists there.
I would not like them
anywhere.
I do not like
brown people and Iran.
I do not like them,
Lou-I-am

Would you like them
in a house?
Would you like them
with a mouse?

They live a dozen to a house.
In Iran they strap a bomb to a mouse.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
anywhere.
I do not like brown people and Iran.
I do not like them, Lou-I-am.

(…)

You do not like them.
SO you say.
Meet them! Meet them!
And you may.
Try them and you may I say
Lou!

If you will let me be,
I will meet them.
You will see.

Say!
I still don’t like brown people and Iran!
I don’t!! I hate them, Lou-I-am!
And I would throw them from a boat!
And I would feed them to a goat...
And I will kill them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a car. And hang them from a tree.
They are so bad so evil you see!

So I will stuff them in a box.
And I will attack them with a fox.
And I will send the INS to their house.
And I will infect them with disease from a mouse.
And I will hate them here and there.
Say! I will KILL them ANYWHERE!

I do so hate
brown people and Iran!
Fuck you!
Fuck you,
Lou-I-am

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Rick Santorum 2012: He Needs a Condom on His Potty Mouth !!

2012-02-23T00:23:00.000-05:00

I have to apologize to all the devoted readers and listeners of the IWS website and radio show, and…I have to apologize to the IWS Worldwide Media Group as well.

No expense was spared in sending yours truly to Mesa, AZ., in order to cover Wednesday night’s CNN GOP Presidential debate and interview Rick Santorum, and how did I return the favor and show pride in my job?

After prepping for my debate coverage all morning and compiling questions for Rick Santorum while listening to the white noise from the TV that was airing scrambled video of porn movies within the confines of my luxurious room at the Motel 6 Mesa North, I felt confined. So…

Needing some fresh air, I walked down W. Hampton Ave., when I came across an interesting watering hole in the wall known merely as, “Manny’s.”

It was only 9:08 A.M., but being from the Eastern Time Zone, it was damn near eleven thirty, so I ducked in for a cold one, or as the clientele inside of Manny’s says, “Una Fria, por favor.”

After three Boilermakers (or as the crowd at Manny’s now calls them, Loco Gringos), each consisting of a 24 ounce Steel Reserve and four shots of Crown Royal, I felt the need to get away from the dim lighting, the dark skin, and the hemp filled air of Manny’s, and get some fresh air.

After all, It was 10:30 on a Mesa, Arizona morning prior to the debate, and I needed to get the word on the street by interviewing some real voters in order to gauge where they stood, electoral wise.

But first…

I had to go back into Manny’s, because I had forgotten to take a leak…

So, after peeing into a toilet that smelled of ancient Tenochtitlan and zipping up far too soon, I had one more Loco Gringo with my new found buddies on my way out, prior to initiating some, “man on the street” type journalism.

Let me tell ya…I interviewed a couple of dozen fine folks of Mesa, AZ., and forty five minutes later when I looked at my notes? I couldn’t decipher, interpret, or otherwise figure out what the hell they had said to me, and what I had written.

I needed some food…and quickly.

As happenstance would have it, I had apparently been doing interviews some three blocks away from Manny’s in front of a Mom and Pop establishment known as, “Crazy Jose’s Pawn Shop and Taquiera.”

I ordered the Numero Siete… A fish taco, a beef taco, and five Coronas. Upon consumption, and after a bit of Montezuma’s Revenge, I felt alive again.

I began to ramble back to my motel room by retracing my drunken path, when a couple of guys outside of Manny’s stopped me, and began to give me the business.

They claimed I owed them money…said that the IWS Credit Card was no good. Pfffffft.

After I ~~screamed like a little school girl~~ kicked the shit out of the ruffians and the police showed up, the fine officers of the Mesa Police Department incarcerated their sorry asses, and took me to my motel.

It was 2:30 PM by then, and I had missed my interview time with Rick Santorum. So, I took a nap until it was time to go to the debate.

I showed up, listened, yawned, and then excused myself to the restroom, where I evacuated what was left of the Numero Siete, and walked out back of the Mesa Arts Center. I waited for Santorum to come out after the debate.

When he did, I broke through his entourage, shove my mic in his face, and asked…

“Why do you oppose hot, freaky sex outside of marriage on Biblical grounds when Lot dorked his daughters and King David was a raging homo?”

With a look of puzzlement that quickly turned to anger, he said to me…

“Fuck You!!”

And that my friends, is why in spite of my shortcomings, I should get a Pulitzer Prize. I managed to make Rick Santorum say a dirty word.

So let it be written; so let it be done.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

Onion-Like Headlines

2012-02-21T23:59:00.000-05:00

I love The Onion.It’s one of the most brilliant, hysterical and subversive publications ever. Ilove it when the “mainstream media” picks up a satirical Onion piece and runsit at “real” news. I love it when elected officials refer to Onion articleswhile trying to scare the hell out of the voters.

My all-time favorite Onion headlines are:

"Special Olympics T-ball Stand PitchesPerfect Game."

And

"Dog Experiences Best Day Of His Life For 400th ConsecutiveDay"

So, even though I know I’ll never match their brilliance, Ithought I would do some Onion-esqe headlines of my own…

Man says he was drugged and robbed by hooker. Describes her as “blond with big boobs.”

Lazy, inarticulate black writer resorts to racist Jeremy Linpuns.

Auburn QB threatens holdout during spring practice demandingraise and new contract.

Local man says he allows cheerleaders to hold car washes onhis land only because he’s obsessed with clean cars.

Woman takes out Craigslist ad asking for someone to knockher up so she can start a mommy blog.

Stand-up comic says he didn’t realize he was supposed to befunny.

Mormon couple with no kids Photoshop children into familyChristmas newsletter out of shame.

States begin exempting hot chicks from compulsory schoolattendance.

Man dies during flight. Airline classifies him as “luggage”and charges estate an extra $500.

White Supremacist forgets Rihanna is black, puts her songson his iPod.

Prop comic loses gig after leaving entire act at hismother’s house.

Community stunned to find members of local punk rock bandsmoke pot.

Study finds all black men really do have natural ability toplay bass guitar.

Area grandmother insists internet is a fad and will die offjust like rock music did.

Nerf playground just not safe enough for local helicoptermom.

Shocking study finds eating low calorie, low fat foods alongwith exercising helps people lose weight.

God admits he tells people to run for office just toentertain himself.

Woman tries “mystery meat” at local deli and immediatelyregrets it.

High school student shunned for writing happy, upliftingpoems.

Study shows television network executives have shit fortaste.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Lent 2012: Catholics Are Pussies

2012-02-21T00:03:00.000-05:00

“He that would have a short Lent, let him borrow money to be repaid at Easter.”

--Ben Franklin

Damn right bitches…

The 18th Century Rock Star who was Ben Franklin, as always, had his electrified kite flying right when he flew that little nugget of home spun ecumenical philosophity into the thunderstorm of religiosity.

Anyhoo…Today is Fat Tuesday, Shrove Tuesday, Pancake Day, or as many know this day…Mardi Gras.

Today marks, especially for ye of the Catholic faith, the prequel to the solemn 46 day period of penitence and self-denial leading up to the celebration of the resurrection of Christ on Easter Sunday, which this year falls on April 8th.

Ha…Seriously? Solemn? Penitence? Self-Denial? Pffffft…

Just as hard as many a Catholic Priest has gone down on an unsuspecting underage schoolboy, the Catholic Church has simplified and wimpified Lent to the MMth degree.

Back when I was a wee lad and being raised Catholic, Lent meant giving up something which I liked.

It meant sacrifice and self denial in order to figuratively mirror the sacrifice that Christ made as he wandered the desert for forty days prior to beginning his ministry here on Earth.

Today?

The Catholic Church eschews sacrifice during Lent.

Blitzkrieg Benny would rather you did something nice for the poor, the destitute, and those type of folks whom I, and others make fun of everyday, in order to honor Lent and the J-Man’s 40 day trek through an un-Godly desert.

Fuck Vobiscum, that!!

Hell’s Fire…The change in the attitude toward Lent may have been my breaking point between my soul and the Catholic Church. Okay, maybe not…

My breaking point with the Catholic Church was when I turned 18 and said to myself…

“Mom and Dad can’t do a damn thing to me now other than shake their head at me if I don’t go to Church.”

And so it was, I was no longer going to church…a church like many other churches of like and similar denominations, that attempts to dictate one’s belief system.

Me?

I know the Bible. I know the Bible as well, if not better, than most evangelists, “prophets”, and born-again nut job self-promoters, like the hideous and doomed to Hell, Joyce Meyer.

And my friends…That is where I seek my solace at times. Even if I didn’t believe in God or Jesus Christ, I would still read the Bible because it is a philosophical roadmap to the destination of being a good person.

But remember…It is a roadmap that while, “from the voice of God and Jesus Christ” is one that has been edited by man. Or in the case of the Catholic Church…by men.

I find it funny that while the words of Christ and his Apostles have remained constant forever, church dogma sways, it shifts…it redirects.

It started changing the words of Christ some years ago at Nicene, and has always evolved or more accurately, devolved, to meet its own needs.

The Church kept the books of Thomas the Contender and Mary Magdalene out of the Bible. Pope Gregory made Mary Magdalene out to be a whore. The Church sought money in exchange for Penance.

That arrogant and hierarchical attitude exists still today in many Churches, and yet…

While not a Catholic for years, nor a member of any organized church, I will observe Lent by giving up something I love.

This year, as I have in the past, give up bread, pasta, and most other carbohydrate type foods.

That alone, won’t win me a place in Heaven, but it will make me feel that I, have done something that is typically beyond me.

And dig it…

I, unlike Catholics who are allowed Sundays off during their sacrifice that they are no longer required to give, will do it on Sundays as well.

Pussies.

Cheers,

Matt-Man

email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

A Whole New Jay

2012-02-19T23:00:00.000-05:00

Hola Internet Peeps! Jay here to talk about social media again! I know you’re getting tired of Jay talking about social media BUT IT’S ALL HE’S GOT! So please be patient with Jay. Also, Jay has a few more things that he hasn’t addressed. But, Jay is a nice guy, so Jay will compromise with you. Jay will stop blogging in third person. How’s that for fair? Jay agrees!

Whew! I’m glad that third person shit is over with. It was getting annoying. Anyhoodle, I’ve been thinking about social media and my post from last week plus some things that happened over the weekend and I’ve come to a conclusion. I’m simply too nice. I let too many things go. It’s time Jay took a stand. Oops, slipped back into third person there. Sorry, old habits die hard.

The first thing I want to talk about is something I tweeted about last week and the uber lovely Dianne with two n’s posted about yesterday. Blogger has changed up its word verification. And? IT’S BULLSHIT! So, ~~Jay~~ I’ve come up with a new commenting policy.

Effective immediately, on blogs that I have followed for a long time, I will attempt to comment ONCE. If the word verification doesn’t let me through, then I’ll move on. On all knew blogs, I will not even take the time to attempt to break through the idiotic word verification. I don’t want to hear your complaints about spam. Too fucking bad. If you make it hard for people to comment on your blog, then you have no room to complain about people not commenting.

Same rule goes for blogs with comment moderation. I don’t know why, but I really, REALLY hate comment moderation. Well, I do know why. It takes away from the community feel of blogging and restricts the back and forth that commenting can sometimes create. Anyway, for blogs I’ve read for a while now, I’ll try ONCE and that’s it.

Also, I will no longer ReTweet, Digg, Stumble, Reddit or otherwise promote other people’s shit who never reciprocate at all. That’s total bullshit right there. You arrogant, entitled pieces of shit! I help you promote your shitty writing or podcasts, but you think you are owed that and don’t turn around help me with my shitty writing and podcast? Well fuck you!

You know, I kind of like this “New Jay.” Jay doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit. Jay takes a hard line with social media people. That’s right, Jay is writing in third person again! You know why? Because Jay doesn’t give a fuck, that’s why!

Well, okay I kind of give a fuck. I mean, I’m still a nice guy. I wish I wasn’t sometimes. And maybe I shouldn’t be. But, I do hold back a lot. I let a lot of things go and I think it’s time to stop doing that. In fact, on Twitter this morning I took a run at Miranda Lambert, and I just a little exchange with Gregg Doyel of CBS Sports. Of course, I lost, but that’s okay. I took a run at him. I’ll win next time. It’s about not letting things go.

It’s all about being a whole new Jay. If that’s okay with you guys? Is it?

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

In other, yet related news, Matt-Man and Jayman presented “A Social Media Extravaganza in Third Person” on I’m With Stupid. And? It was fantabulous! An absolute classic. Listen in to find out the OUTRAGEOUS request that Jay fielded on Saturday from another BTR host. And, Jay’s reasoning behind agreeing to it. Although, the “new” Jay would never have done so.

We talked Social Media, Whitney Houston’s funeral and then IWS favorite Mike (who uses that annoying damn word verification) called in. And of course there was a “Pee Break with Schmoop” segment that was just awesome.

So, check it out! We very much appreciate your listening and in now feel like we’re entitled to it. We just want to make everyone happy and bring a smile to their face.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Matt Said, Jay Said XVI

2012-02-17T23:59:00.000-05:00

Matt 会談, Jay 会談, You 聞く.

Matt: “Matt here”
Jay: “BOOBIES!”
Matt: “BOOBIES!”
Jay: “Jay calling, how ya doing?”
Matt: “Matt is doing great, how is Jay?”
Jay: “Jay is fantastic! Jay thanks you for asking.”
Matt: “Matt is very happy that you’re doing well.”
Jay: “And Jay is happy that Matt is happy.”

Jay: “So, Jay was thinking.”
Matt: “This concerns Matt.”
Jay: “Well, now that we have a new logo, Jay thought we should freshen up the show more.”
Matt: “Matt is listening, but not sure he likes where this is going.
Jay: “Well, Jay thought we could do new intro music.”
Matt: “MATT KNEW IT! HE JUST KNEW IT!”
Jay: “Now stay calm, Jay likes our intro.”
Matt: “Matt worked hard on that intro.”
Jay: “Jay knows that, but …”
Matt: “Matt doesn’t want to hear the ‘butt …’”
Jay: “Jay thought maybe something new and, you know, original.”
Matt: “ORIGINAL?? MATT IS REALLY HURT.”
Jay: “No, ‘original’ as in not someone else’s music or whatever.”
Matt: “Oh, okay. Matt still isn’t too happy.”
Jay: “Jay understands, but we want to keep things fresh, ya know.”
Matt: “No, Matt doesn’t know.”
Jay: “Jay knew Matt would make this difficult.”
Matt: “Matt is so insulted.”
Jay: “Oh he is not.”
Matt: “Well, still ... Matt doesn’t like change.”
Jay: “Jay isn’t afraid of change.”
Matt: “Really? Well Matt will do a new opening and just upload it.”
Jay: “Well, Jay is a little afraid of change sometimes.”
Matt: “Uh-huh.”

Matt: “So Third Person show this week?”
Jay: “Jay thinks it will be hilarious.”
Matt: “And different.”
Jay: “And challenging.”
Matt: “And fucking annoying!”
Jay: “That’s what Jay loves about it.”
Matt: “Matt does too!”
Jay: “But we need topics.”
Matt: “How social media makes Matt and Jay sad and happy works.”
Jay: “Jay agrees. Also, maybe other current events or whatever.”
Matt: “Yeah, Matt likes that too. Maybe birth control.”
Jay: “Yeah, Jay noticed that contraceptives are the big topic of the day.”
Matt: “And maybe something else will happen before Saturday.”
Jay: “Whitney’s funeral!”
Matt: “Oh yeah, Matt loves to talk about Whitney!”
Jay: “Okay, Social Media Extravaganza in Third Person it is.”
Matt: “Matt likes it!”
Jay: “Jay does too!”

So there you go! This Saturday at 11 PM Eastern Matt and Jay will talk about Social Media, Current Events, Whitney and just whatever else we can think of on I’m With Stupid. Be there for all the hijinks and hilarity.

And if you need something to do until the show, just listen to Wednesday’s show where we waded into the Culture Wars! Oh yeah baby! It was awesome!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

When Rachel Maddow and Sean Hannity Speak, A Third Person Cries

2012-02-17T02:58:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, IWS’ beloved Jayman wrote about his sadness. He waxed poetically, about how social media sites such as Twitter and Facebook break Jayman’s heart.

Well folks, let me tell ya. Matt-Man too, has suffered some of the same virtual slings and arrows that have pierced the pride, self-esteem, and psyche of Matt-Man’s friend, the Jayman.

And, much like Jayman…when Matt-Man gets annoyed and/or on rare occasions, angered, he too, begins to speak and write in the overly annoying third person style.

Matt-Man hates it, but he can do nothing about it. The third person takes over the Matt-Man, and Matt-Man simply has to allow it to run its course.

And to underscore this theme…Matt-Man, much like his buddy Jayman is pissed about some of your actions on Twitter and Facebook.

That’s right, Matt-Man has problems with some people.

Take for instance, one Allison Dickson…Oh my Lordy!!

Matt-Man and her have been friends for years, until?

Matt-Man asked on Facebook…

“Why do networks like NBC have Rachel Maddow on to talk about birth control? It’s like asking Oscar Wilde about the benefits of vasectomies.”

Holy Cow, instead of responding with a good reason for NBC putting on a non-sperm loving lesbian like Maddow to spout why contraceptives should remain legal and accessible, the Dickson chick, shouted down the Matt-Man by saying something insignificant and defriending him AND, IWS on Facebook.

Hell NBC would have been more on target by bringing on the only man on Cable TV who has a vagina to discuss birth control, one, Cavorter of Catholicism, Sean Hannity

Matt-Man says virtually, and posthumously, (not because he died, but because it sounds good), “Grow Up.”

Matt-Man can’t help it…He loathes the agenda rich Maddow, and hates far left loons and much as far right loons. Matt-Man wants to find an acceptable center…

A center where the personal privacy of peoples is respected. Where people can do what ever the hell they feel like, if it doesn’t affect anyone else. A center where…

Lifestyles, social mores, and tenets of faith or no faith, are kept out of government, and confined to one’s heart and soul where they belong.

Folks…Yesterday, we had an official Congressional Committee hearing on contraception…The entire panel of people being questioned were, clergyMEN.

Hell…While Matt-Man is a Liberal, yet a registered Independent, Matt-Man is pissed off by MSNBC firing Pat Buchanan. In his newest book, Pat derided the guilt of whites and says that we as a nation are sucked in by Israel, so MSNBC defrocked Pat from being a continuing contributor.

That's Bullshit.

Y’know what Matt-Man thinks about all this hoy-paloy?

Matt-Man thinks that 24/7 news people who rail against politics on Capitol Hill never being more divided along partisan lines, fail to realize that people in America have never been more divided…and perhaps, while not more stupid than the media…just as intellectually lazy.

And…Matt-Man thinks often, especially these days, about the quote once uttered long ago by H.L. Mencken (among others in various forms)…

“People deserve the government they get, and they deserve to get it good and hard.”

If you look at social outlets like Facebook and Twitter today…Americans are as much angry as they are sensitive, and yet…

They refuse to listen to the opinions of others with whom they disagree, and will block them, defriend them, or unfollow them…Matt-Man finds that funny. However…

That also makes Matt-Man very sad, because…

Matt-Man knows that the people in Congress are there because voters of like-mind put them there, and that Matt-Man’s friends are why we are in our current fuck-up-ness as a nation.

Too many are too far Left. Too many are too far Right. Yet…

In between the fringes of moronic thought...lie you, Matt-Man, and common sense.

Don’t allow idiots like Rachel Maddow and Sean Hannity to squeeze us out of the nation’s dialogue.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
twitter: @mattmaniws

Sometimes Social Media Makes Jay Sad

2012-02-15T23:59:00.000-05:00

Hola internet peeps, Jay here. You know, Jay is getting alittle burned out so he is just going to ramble a bit today. Oh, and Jay isgoing to do it in third person to make it more challenging.

Sometimes Jay just doesn’t understand social mediasometimes. Jay makes funny tweets that get no response at all. Like justyesterday there was hashtag game on TWitter using #badpornnames. So, being thefunny guy Jay is, he went with “Julia Louis-Drypuss.” And what did Jay get forhis comedic efforts? … Heartache.

No “haha’s” or “LOL’s” or favorites or retweets. ApparentlyJay was the only one who ~~thought~~ knew that was funny. So,Jay didn’t bother following it up with “Dixie Sticks” because he knew nobody wouldappreciate that either. This makes Jay sad when this happens.

Do you think Dr. Oz wears his scrubs to church? I bet hedoes. Dr. Oz is to scrubs what Richard Nixon was to the blue suit.

Jay also brought his comedic talents to Reddit, where he isalready hated, but won’t give up. On the Natalie Portman sub board, Jay saw apost about Natalie “getting back to work doing two new movies.” So, Jaycommented and said “It’s about time! She’sbeen slacking for almost a year now.”

Again, what kind of reaction did Jay’s comment get?Heartache and down votes. Why?Because nobody on Reddit has a sense of humor. Jay got one reply and it was “Yeah, well she DID have a baby so maybe youcould be a little more considerate and give her time to have the kid andrecover.” This made Jay sad because he can’t believe that there are peopleso fucking stupid that they thought Jay was being serious with his comment.

Mmmm … Jay loves Guinness.

You know people; nobody dislikes Chris Brown more than Jay.Not just because Jay loves Rihanna, but because Jay thinks Chris Brown is justa bad guy and his music, well, okay Jay doesn’t think Chris’ music sucks.Anyway, Jay has been noticing all the OUTRAGE over Chris performing at theGrammy’s and all the holier than thou attitudes towards him. Jay also has beennoticing the very judgmental things many people have said about the late, greatWhitney Houston.

But, you know what else Jay has noticed? That everyone gaveGlen Campbell a standing ovation after his performance at the Grammy’s Sundaynight. The reason Jay finds this interesting, is because Glen Campbell wasaccused of domestic violence a few times and was addicted to drugs and alcohol.So, Jay wonders why the standing-o for Glen and the tsk, tsking for Chris andWhitney. RACISM, that’s why! Jay is sure of it.

Well, after not getting any validation for his funnies onTwitter, Jay decided to try something different today. Jay went to Facebook andasked if anyone there had watched “Lilyhammer” on NetFlix. Jaythought maybe he could get a little discussion going with all the movie and TVfolks over there. Take a wild guess at what Jay got from his Facebook friends? Yup,more heartache. Apparently, everyone on Facebook is ignoring Jay today.

Jay is so sad.

Anyway, Jay is starting to get longwinded so he thinks he’llend this right here. Maybe Jay will head over to Twitter and lay down somefunny for his undeserving and unsupportive followers over there. Jay couldalways do some Tumblr action too. But, those people aren’t much better. Jaysure as hell isn’t going to Facebook though.

Well, maybe Jay will because no matter what, Jay loves all ofyou even you don’t love Jay.

Also, Jay loves Guinness. Has Jay mentioned that?

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Whitney Houston Dies and Social Media Freaks Out

2012-02-14T23:59:00.000-05:00

Hola! Well, another celebrity has died unexpectedly (kinda)and once again it has been fascinating to pop some popcorn, open a beer andjust sit back and watch Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook lose their collectiveshit. It’s fast becoming my favorite activity. I almost wish a celebrity woulddie every week just so I could enjoy the reaction. But, that would make me abad person, so I don’t. Okay, how ‘bout every two weeks?

Anyway, when things like this happen, I’ve found that mostpeople fall into one or more of several categories…

1. The Biggest Fan: This is the person, usually a girl, whodoes the “You guys just don’t understand how much I loved *insert name ofrecently deceased celebrity here*. I was sooooo much more of a fan than youwere.”

2. The “Who” Guy: This is the guy who retweets the breakingnews announcement with a dismissive “Who?” He’s usually the guy who loves totell everyone how he doesn’t follow any popular movies, TV shows, sports,books, music or any other pop culture, probably doesn’t own a TV and is ingeneral just way fucking superior to you. He usually uses a Mac and does mostof his online activity while squatting at Starbucks.

3. The Judgy McJudgerson: This is the guy or girl whobasically makes the argument that the celebrity deserved to die because theywere engaging in illegal or immoral activities. This person is not the same as,but has lots in common with…

4. The “Pathetic” Guy: This is the guy or girl who loves tomock celebrities because they’re all pathetic and are all addicted to drugs and alcohol. As if celebrities are the only people who are.

5. Sanctimonious Guy (or Girl): This is the person who isquick to post things like “Well, I’ll say a prayer for the thousands ofeveryday people who died today who aren’t celebrities and don’t get anypublicity.” Or worse, the guy (or girl) posts that or something similar butincludes a picture of flag draped coffins of soldiers who have died in battle.What’s really terrible about this person is they’re full of shit. Almost noneof them have ever said a prayer for all the “regular” people who have died thatday including soldiers.

6. Tweeter Guy (or Girl): This is the person who justretweets updates as they’re posted by TMZ or other Breaking News TwitterAccount. Just in case others haven’t heard the latest.

7. The Always Late Guy (or Girl): This is the person whoeither retweets a Breaking News tweet about the celebrity’s death about 6 hoursafter everyone else first heard about it or just tweets “OMG! Whitney HoustonDied???????” during the Grammy’s 30 hours after her death.

8. Gilbert Gottfried Wannabe: This person, usually a guy,just spends the night trying to come up with the most offensive anddisrespectful jokes to make about the dead celebrity. Usually these peoplesuck, but occasionally, they’re actually kind of funny. But, the worst of thesepeople are the ones who take other people’s jokes they saw on Twitter and postthem on Tumblr as their own. Those people deserve to die.

9. Page View and Ratings Guy: This is the guy who makes uplists about social media when celebrities like Whitney Houston die just to getpage views on his blog or listens on his podcast. Man, that guy sucks.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Your IWS Valentine's Day Horoscope

2012-02-14T00:00:00.001-05:00

Happy Valentine’s Day all you gorgeous Cupids and Aphrodites out there!!

This is IWS Astrologer and Prophetess, Lana Jouráy here with your Valentine’s Day Love Horoscope.

I have read all the tea leaves, eyed every star, and studied all the chicken entrails in my backyard in order to give you a look into what will happen to you in regards to amore on this Valentine’s Day, 2012.

Let’s get to it; shall we, my at long last love, hopeful ones?

We shall...

Aries (March 21-April 19)

The laughter and disdain you enjoyed while making fun of all of your co-worker girlfriends for getting excited over receiving roses at the office today, will be replaced by tears of loneliness once you get home, thereby ruining the mashed potatoes in your, Meals for One, microwaveable dinner.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Doing all the leg work and shelling out all the coin to throw a Valentine’s Day party for your daughter’s entire 4th Grade class was a magnanimous gesture, however…Next year, you may want to hire someone other than, John Wayne Gacy Productions to put it on.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Taking your loved one to a restaurant staffed by mimes, seemed kitschy and fun, and it was…Until the bill came, and you had to shell out $125.00 for a make-believe dinner that the two of you pretended to eat.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Giving diamonds to your true love on Valentine’s Day is wildly sexy and extravagant, but giving her a diamond tipped sledge hammer to the head is pure overkill.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Your romantic V-Day getaway to the Windy City is a complete and joyful sexfest…until the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre reenactment the two of you attend, turns all too real.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Proclaiming your love and asking your longtime girlfriend to marry you on National TV on Valentine’s Day, takes guts, courage, backbone, and a strong will. And that is exactly why you will fail to do so once again.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

Women born under this sign will experience an exponential increase in marriage proposals and come-ons, as the American Astrological Society changes the zodiac name to, Labia.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

Serenading your love interest at night, outside and below her bedroom window, is a truly romantic notion on your part, but seriously, your dad would prefer that you leave your sister alone, and let her get some sleep.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

You are opposed to the, “one day of love thing.” You think of love as a year long endeavor, and that is why you will, like the other 364 days of the year, lovingly and with gusto, beat the shit out of your wife for not having dinner ready when you get home from the bar.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Releasing your repressed inner animal and saying farewell to societal norms by having sex in a public place with your boss is incredibly hot and liberating, but doing it with him in a hospital waiting room as his wife gives birth down the hall, is somewhat tacky.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

Don’t spend this day crying over spilt Communion Wine…It’s time to realize that your barely pubescent days as the most requested Altar Boy at St. Raphael’s Catholic Church have long since passed. Move On!!

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

After all these years, you finally experience unconditional love when you spend Valentine’s Day night in a jail cell with a burly black man named, Crowbar Dixon. Love springs eternal, or at least for 5-10 years.

I hope my efforts of prognostication are helpful.

For I’m With Stupid, this is Lana Jouráy saying…

Keep looking up, because the stars wanna shine on your face.

Lana

Email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

Jeremy Lin, Jason Whitlock and Political Correctness

2012-02-12T23:00:00.000-05:00

Hola internet peeps of any and all ethnicity, gender, religion or sexual orientation.

If you’re not an NBA fan you might not know about Linsanity that is sweeping the nation. It’s the over the top amazement that little known, undrafted Jeremy Lin of the New York Knicks is suddenly destroying everyone he plays against. I have to admit, I got caught up in it too while he was in the process of 38 Lintastic points on the Lakers.

Jeremy Lin is Chinese-American. Why is this important? Well, because he’s an Asia dude, and Harvard grad no less, playing in the NBA. If he were black or white, it would be a nice story, but he wouldn’t be considered a Phenom. And, there wouldn’t be stereotypical Asian jokes made at his expense either. On Friday night Twitter was overflowing with them. But one … AND ONLY ONE … has people OMG OUTRAGED! And, it was by none other than good old Jason Whitlock…

Get it? Asian guys have small penises. Funny, no? It’s not? Actually, it is. Come on, admit it, you’ve made the Asian dude has a small penis joke too. Maybe not on Twitter, because if you did it on Twitter you couldn’t pretend to be super sensitive never made a joke based on racial stereotypes guy when other people do.

Yeah, I get it, you hate Whitlock. You hate his schtick. His act gets old with you. He’s a troll. Whatever. You say Whitlock is a “racist” who screams “racism all the time” but then tweets “racist” remarks. But, that’s not true. Jason Whitlock only screams racism when there isn’t any racism to be found. And when there is real, legitimate racism? He defends what is said. THAT’S his schtick. You can hate it, and him, but please at least get it right.

In fact, I dare say that anyone who makes the claim that Whitlock “screams racism all the time” is actually, just applying their racist belief that all black people scream racism all the time.

Also stop taking Twitter, Tumblr, Blogs, Facebook and YOURSELF so damn seriously people. Lighten up. There’s a huge difference between making jokes based on racial stereotypes and saying “I have absolutely nothing against African-Americans. … I just hate Niggers!” As someone I know did last week. Now THAT’S racism!

We all make jokes based on stereotypes all the time. Whether it is about whites, blacks, Asians, Hispanics, men, women, fat people, and people from a particular region of the country and on and on, we’ve all made these jokes. You can’t be offended by one, but laugh at others. It’s all or nothing. Take one side or the other and stick to it.

So, the stereotype is that Asian dudes have small penises. Is that such a bad thing to have to live with? I haven’t seen any Asian dudes naked, so I can’t comment on this personally. But, look at it from Whitlock’s point of view. He’s black. The stereotype for black dudes is that they all have HUGE cocks. Which stereotype is easier to live with?

If you’re an Asian guy who has an average sized cock, and women expect it to be much smaller, they’ll never be disappointed. But, if you’re a black guy and you have a teeeeeny-weeny wee-wee, think of the emotional problems that would cause knowing that every woman would be disappointed with him?

See Asian guys? Sometimes stereotypes can actually be turned into a positive.

*EDIT* Jason Whitlock was browbeat and shamed by the ninnies and crybabies into issuing an apology for being a human being and engaging in the very same activity that 90% of the people bitching engage in all the time.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

In other and somewhat related news, if you missed out Celebration of Boobiess this weekend on I’m With Stupid

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Babe of the Week: Best Celebrity Boobs

2012-02-12T00:01:00.000-05:00

This week for our Babe of the Week feature, IWS presents the best celebrity boobies.

Scarlett Johannson

Rachel McAdams

Monica Bellucci

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Natalie Portman

--

In other news, we Celebrated Boobies on the I'm With Stupid Podcast. We talked about all kinds of boobies. Big, small and everything in between. Also, we had a Big Boobs vs Small Boobs debate as Matt-Man lacks the appropriate level of admiration that Jayman believes small boobies deserve. And Jayman told his famous "Fake Boob Deflates in a Vegas Strip Club Story" And then of course, we had our "Pee Break w/ Schmoop" segment to pull it all together.

Also, we paid our respects to Whitney Houston and discussed her untimely death. Overall, probably our most ridiculous show ever. But, still fun and charming as always. So, check it out! Please?

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Matt Said, Jay Said XV

2012-02-10T23:59:00.000-05:00

Matt ceramah, Jayceramah, You mendengar.

Matt: “Hello”
Jay: “Hey there Matt.”
Matt: “Oh hi Jay.”
Jay: “How ya doing?”
Matt: “Good. You?”
Jay: “Oh pretty good.”
Matt: “That’s good to hear.”
Jay: “And Schmoop?”
Matt: “She’s doing great.”
Jay: “Awesome!”
Matt: “Yeah. And the Jaymom?”
Jay: “She’s great too. Excited that might actually get cold this weekend.”
Matt: “Oh well I hope it does then.”
Jay: “Yeah”
Matt: “Mm-Hmm”
Jay: “Yuuup”
Matt: “Well, okay I guess.”
Jay: “Yeah, hey, have a good day dude.”
Matt: “Oh you too! You too!”
Jay: “Thanks.”
Matt: “Anytime. Later.”
Jay: “Bye.”

Jay: “Oh hey!Before you go...”
Matt: “Yes?”
Jay: “Boobs”
Matt: “Boobs?”
Jay: “Boooooooooobieeeeeeeees”
Matt: “I like ‘em. Why do you ask?”
Jay: “That’s our show this week. Celebrating Boobies.”
Matt: “A whole show about boobies?”
Jay: “Sure, why not?”
Matt: “Just 45 minutes of talking about boobies?”
Jay: “Yeah. Everybody loves boobs. Big boobs, small boobs, perky, droopy ...”
Matt: “I don’t like it.”
Jay: “YOU DON’T?”
Matt: “No. I FREAKING LOVE IT!”
Jay: “HELL YEAH!”

There you goagain kids. High quality, intense and down right brilliant show prep in action.There’s no wondering why they call us “The hardest working guys in internetradio” when you see something like this.

And, be sure tojoin us as we Celebrate Boobies on Saturday at 11 PM ETon I’m With Stupid. As apart of the show, Matt-Man and Jayman will debate Small vs Big Boobies. We havea slight differing of opinion on this topic. We will also talka bout body imageand some of the great boobies we seen and would like to see. Spoiler Alert:We’d like to see every woman’s boobs.

So be sure tojoin us and call in with your thoughts on boobies too. And, then listen in thearchives anytime you feel like it 24/7!

Ulysses: The Making of Irish Stew

2012-02-10T00:02:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of James Joyce’s quasi-mythological and somewhat stream of consciousness novel, Ulysses, I give you…

“Mattlysses: Thoughts While Sitting on the Toilet at 2:47 A.M.”

Holy Cow, my stomach hurts. I guess I shouldn’t have eaten that taco or drank that last Mickey’s Malt Liquor so late.

I haven’t felt this bad since years ago when I woke up the day after I had drunken sex with that chick with the birthmark shaped liked the boot heel of Missouri on her ass, and a mustache that said, “Pet Me!!”

Oh man!! C’mon, bowels…Don’t just lay there all gassy n’shit. Let’s feel some movement. I’m very tired and want to go back to bed.

Oh what’s this? Wow. Merle Haggard is dying and Chaz Bono wants to be, “The Bachelor.” How does anyone not take a shit without reading, The Globe? I love it.

And speaking of taking a shit…

“IT WOULD BE NICE TO BE DOING SO, RATHER THAN JUST SITTING HERE GETTING PORCELAIN IMPRINTS ON MY ASS!!”

Was that a spider?

Oh hell…I have to remember that after my colon evacuates its contents, IF IT EVER DOES, I need to get the coffee ready to brew for the morning, which is technically already fucking here.

God forbid that I don’t have the coffee ready for Schmoop. And God forbid on my behalf that I forget, as I wouldn’t want forgetting to put eight cups of water and five scoops of ground Arabica beans into said coffee maker to be the reason that I don’t get laid this weekend.

Jesus Christ…Oooooo. Oh boy here she comes…I feel some rumblings.

Ahhhhhhhhh. Ewwwwwwww….Man, it was like it all rushed out…as if I was pissing from my ass. Who does that? I’ll tell ya who!!

An idiot who can’t lay off those God Damn energy drinks, like me. Aside from the caffeine, those bottles full of a month’s worth of B Vitamins turn any type of food into a frothy chocolate milkshake. Oh man…

Oh dear God…that is just wrong. Holy Cow, I only had a taco and drank a couple of beers, what the hell is still coming out of me, my freakin’ soul!?

Why is the cat pawing at the bathroom door. It can’t be as though she is drawn to the smell in here, unless she smells death and wants to see me before I die.

Fuck…it IS a spider…Ha…Well it’s a dead spider now. Even while on the shitter, arachnids shouldn’t mess with me.

Ahhhhhhhh….I feel better. No pain, no gain, and man when it’s all done, it’s better than sex. Huh? I find shitting better than sex?

That’s just fucked up. Eh…

I guess it’s because of that, “the pleasure given, is equal to the pleasure received, school of thought.”

I guess my body and I work in harmony.

I abuse it. It abuses me. And in the end…we both feel better.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

There's Weird Shit Going On Around Here

2012-02-08T23:59:00.000-05:00

Hola y’all! Sometimes, I’m not the most observant guy. I mean, my next door neighbor shot himself last fall and I totally missed it. Didn’t hear or notice a thing. Well, until I looked outside and saw six city cops, the chief of police and a dude in a green jacket that said “Coroner” on it.

But, there are other things that I do notice. Usually I notice things that don’t really matter, but seem odd. And things around town or here at the palatial estates that just freaking drive me crazy.

One of these things is a neighbor’s Mitsubishi Montero and its flat tire. It’s not abnormal to see cars with flat tires in our parking lot. There are nails, screws, glass and other items all over the place and the lot is never swept or cleaned. What’s odd about this one is the guy who owns the Montero is driving it on that flat tire.

Every day for a week I would go out there in the morning and I was see that Montero parked in a different spot. Yet, it still had that flat tire! WTH dude? Do you think he didn’t notice it? Then on Sunday I noticed that the tire was no longer flat and I felt much better about things.

Well, I did until Tuesday. That’s when I noticed that once again, that tire was about halfway down. And, take a wild guess what happened today? You got it. I noticed the tire was flat again AND it was parked in a different spot! Come on!

It would only cost like $7 to fix the flat dude. Hell, I’ll help take up a collection if you need me to. You’re lucky thing hasn’t shredded yet. Actually, why hasn’t it? I guarantee you mine would have. Totally unfair.

But that isn’t the only thing I keep seeing in the parking lot that bugs me. I have another neighbor who I think is running some kind of social experiment. He has a truck with a camper on it, but the camper and tailgate are both open. The truck has only been moved once in the last three weeks.

Sitting right there in the truck bed is an open case of Ozarka bottled water and a bucket full of lunch sized bags of Doritos. I’m pretty sure my neighbor is just seeing how long it will take before someone steals a bottle of water or a bag of chips or both.

And when it finally happens he’ll probably yell “I KNEW IT! PEOPLE CAN’T BE TRUSTED!”

Actually, I thought about stealing one myself just to see if that’s what he was really doing. But, I’m afraid the truck is booby trapped. It would be just my luck to grab a bottle of water and have the gate and camper close on me and trap me with my legs hanging out of the back until the owner hit the little button on his remote to release me. Hell, he probably sits by his window watching and waiting. Well, I’m not gonna fall for it buddy!

Of course, I could just ask him, but that wouldn’t be any fun at all.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Also, today on I’m With Stupid Podcast we talked about mean girls, Prop 8, Susan B Komen, Rick Santorum and all kinds of other stuff. We just kind of meandered along through the show like a river of awesomeness. You should totally check it out as we would be most appreciative!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Age Defies Beauty...And Common Sense

2012-02-08T01:21:00.000-05:00

Happy Hump Day, Kidz…

Matt-Man here with a full report on my birthday goings on from yesterday, and let me tell you…

It was awesome…for the most part. Alas…

There was a bit of a bump along the road of happiness and jocularity yesterday.

Y’see? I was having a great day yesterday.

I woke up early, had coffee, talked to my son, and then began to spend the day enjoying folks on Facebook and Twitter.

It was great, and dig it…yesterday was one of my rare days off, and I actually enjoyed bantering back and forth on the net, knowing that I didn’t have to go to work at 3 PM.

I just sat here in the digs, sipping beers, and appreciating all the fine folks that wished me well. It was overwhelming the wishes I received, and overwhelming in a great sense. Up until…

I asked my Facebook buddy Zina Figgiani to throw some Birthday love my way, and then?

It went downhill fast.

Around 2:20 PM or so, I asked “my Facebook friend” Zina Figgiani if she could throw some Birthday love my way, in the form of, and this is crucial, a “Happy Birthday”. I wasn’t asking for naked pics or anything, but no…

Zina Figgiani, who through deeds, purports herself to be some hot model, decided that offering me a simple “Happy Birthday” was below her stature in life.

Well my IWS community members, I didn’t get a Happy Birthday from thee of the sweet, hot bod. And, it hurt, so I spoke ill of her.

Yes, I spoke ill of her, her fake tits, and droopy thighs. I don’t like to do such a thing, but man, that chick is at least twenty years younger than me, and yet, my arms are more solid than her swayin’ and gyratin’bagel warmers that she calls, quadriceps.

When I attacked her for being rude to me, she defriended me, and like a swarm of African Bees, her minions of obviously less beauty than her, planted their poison barbs into my heart and onto my Facebook page.

Zina Faggiani’s buddy Araceli Azevedo who is laced with spider veins by the way, chimed in with, among other things…

“Get a life & delete her as a friend, because you just look like a loser who is not happy enough with your real life friends!!!”

Well, there ya go…

Shortly prior to Araceli’s diatribe, I posted on Facebook about how much I appreciated my friends and was enjoying the banter back and forth. Alas…

Araceli Azevedo continued her inane and philosophical attack on me and my state of mental health…

“Dude…I just looked at your profile. You have a wife. WTF does it matter…You need a shrink for reals.”

Well there ya go…I checked not once, not twice, but three times, and failed to find where I listed a wife in my profile, and also failed to find where the uber lovely, yet grey matter challenged, Araceli found one.

Sloppy assed Araceli, ye of the nasty ass spider veins, and obviously soon to be sagging boar tits, bashed me and outed me!!

And my friends, not only did Araceli out me, she gave voice to a nation of up and coming models, and like a runway of town criers they heralded, and I quote, oh yeah, I quote…I didn’t change a thing…

Gia Marie: “Way to pit him on blast Araceli.”

Skylar Reed: “Loser!!! I hope you leavethi sup so Zina can delete you’re a**!!!! So much for being friends.”

And who summed it up best? Actually Skylar.

Zina…who months ago on Facebook asked me to be “her friend”, I did, and yet…I can’t get a Happy Birthday out of her, and yet Skylar questions my “friend-hood?”

When Jayman and I ask you to be our friends on Facebook, or listen to our show; we want you to be our FRIENDS. We want to include you in the show, on the website, and in what we do.

Oh sure, we like numbers, but we like actual people more.

When they hit 35 years of age, and Zina, Araceli, Gia, and Skylar’s boobs have gravitated south of their waists, they will be wondering what went wrong. And me?

If I’m not dead, I know that I’ll still be getting, hails and fare thee wells from my sexy, yet not plasticized friends that I know, and I may even still be on the air with Jayman.

These unseemly, soon to be, “has been gutter whores” want to merely be famous, and me?

I want to be known as some dude who could write like nobody’s business and because of that, be famous.

I think of talent as the hard road to fame; these chicks think of fame as a destination without a journey.

And that is why, years from now, that instead of 47 year old guys like me asking chicks like them for Happy Birthday wishes, they will be begging for 47 year old guys like me to wish them Happy Birthday.

And then I at 60 something years old, will be delighting in all of the Facebook Birthday wishes that I get, and all the come-uppances that they will get.

Cheers!!

email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

Blow Out The Candle With All Your Breath, And Your Heart

2012-02-07T00:01:00.000-05:00

“Life is too short to be small.”

--Benjamin Disraeli

As you read that quote here on the pages of IWS, I know what you’re thinking…

“There goes Matt-Man citing another conservative British thinker and former Prime Minister, again.”

Or perhaps many of you are thinking…

“Who the fuck is Benjamin Disraeli?”

Either way, it doesn’t matter. It’s all about P-Min Ben-D’s quote….a quote which I happen to think about every time another birthday rolls around.

Life is too short to be small he says, and…we should all think of that quote every day, but especially on our birthdays. Why, you ask?

Because one’s birthday is his or her day to have a free pass on being a complete asshole!!

Oh Hell Yeah!! And bitches? Today is my day to get a free pass…and there is no way in Hell that, other than penis wise, am I gonna be small.

Oh my Lawdy no. Ima gonna let loose and let my pom pom guns of sarcasm blaze like the U.S. Fifth Fleet during the Marianas Turkey Shoot during the last days of World War II in the Pacific Theater.

Yep, bright and early after I call my son before he goes to school, I’m going to crack open the first of many beers and be obnoxious as I can on Facebook.

The people who do nothing but post religious quotes and talk about their love for God?

I am going to tell them that God hates them, their sorry lives, and says that if they truly loved Him, they’d get off their sorry asses and go out and help the poor instead of wallowing in self-pity over a broken relationship with a loser donning a wife beater.

The chicks who post, “men suck stuff”, and the guys who post, “women suck shit?” I am going to feel compelled to tell both camps, that y’all suck. No gender is worse than the other, the fact is, that YOU suck.

The people who get on there and complain how hard their day was, because their boss “was mean to them”? Ima gonna retort, at least you weren’t going through dumpsters looking for stinky ass beer cans to recycle.

And on Twitter? Oh man, Twitter is fun, because it is “real time”, and uppity folks feel invincible in spite of their stupidity, bigotry, and all-around lack of an IQ that exceeds 50.

I feel that today, on Twitter, Ima gunna virtually cut a bitch, because it’s my day dammit, and I cannot be held responsible.

When they reveal and revile in their tales of marriage gone awry, I will sit here, smile, take a sip of brew, and then type…

“Well there ya go.”

Ahhhhh, I can do all of this because it’s my Birthday, and when I wake up Wednesday, I can say…

“Wow, I didn’t mean any of that. It was my birthday, and I was tying one on.”

The truth of the matter is…

Whatever I say today on my birthday, I probably mean, and really…that is what Benjamin Disraeli meant by his quote.

Although he was a conservative, he, like liberal PM Gladstone, is a man I admire.

Disraeli never left anything in doubt. He laid it all out there.

And my birthday wish for myself, and for all of you as well…is that we always say what we mean, mean what we say, and never back down.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

Everything I Touch, I Destroy

2012-02-05T23:59:00.000-05:00

Hola internet friends and bitches! So, on Friday Matt-Man talked a bit about that dark cloud that hangs over his life. I’m sure we can all relate as we all have strange and unsettling things that happen to us too. Maybe not as frequently, but at least on some level we have similar experiences.

Well, I’m here to tell you today that not only do I have a similar dark cloud hanging over my life, but it’s way worse! Seriously! See, instead of just having bad luck, I’m also very destructive. Hell, let’s just review what I’ve done in the last week alone.

I melted a colander. No really. I was making something in a toaster oven and didn’t realize I had set a handheld vegetable strainer on top of it. When I did notice the colander there, it was sitting at a weird angle. Turns out plastic melts on hot surfaces and leaves a sticky, gooey substance. Hell, anyone can burn something IN a toaster oven, but only I can burn something ON one.

The next day, I had a pot with some mixed vegetables warming up on the stove to go with dinner. I was washing something in the sink and when I turned around, the pot was almost fully engulfed in flames. Luckily I put that fire out without running any useful kitchen utensils.

Also, don’t worry that I was in danger of burning down the apartment building. My smoke detector was right there handy in a drawer in my bedroom. I put it in there because, well, I broke it taking it down one day.

Finally, my mother got one of these little chopper things. You know, you put whatever you want to chop up in the little container and push the plunger on top several times to push down blades to chop it up? Well, I was checking it out and pushed the plunger down a few times. On like the third push, the little guard around the blades fell off.

All that in only one week! Can you imagine the amount of damage I’ve done over the years? This is why I drink. If I stop drinking, I’ll sober up and have to come to grips with the reality of the long line of destruction I’ve left in my wake. I’m just not emotionally equipped to deal with such things.

Over the years have casually and without intent broken so many things. From machinery at various jobs, to household items, to electronics to vehicles, I’ve done damage to them all. Not to mention the number of people I’ve hurt with my insensitivity and lack of social skills. Only George W. Bush’s destruction of the economy can compare to the amount of shit I’ve fucked up. Hell, every time I upload a blog, I’m afraid I’ll break Blogger.

Can you imagine what might happen if I visit Matt and Schmoop up there in Bagwine? The convergence of his black cloud and my uber-destructive lifestyle might be more than anyone can imagine.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

In other news, we managed to do a Super Bowl Preview on I’m With Stupid on Saturday while only spending one minute on the game itself. We had the awesome Indy Andy Jones call in from Indianapolis and give us a Live, Local and Late-Breaking report from the scene. Then we talked food, prop bets, movies and other stuff before finally making a quick prediction as to who will win.

So, even though the game is over, you can still listen because our show was really more about the Super Bowl “experience” than the game itself. Cause neither of us cared much about the game. Anyway, thanks for listening and as always we really do appreciate your support and love each and every one of you guys!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

IWS Babe of the Week: Aisha Tyler

2012-02-04T23:59:00.000-05:00

Here at IWS Worldwide Media Empire we would like toofficially celebrate Black History Month by naming Aisha Tyler our IWS Babe ofthe Week™!

Most of you probably know Aisha from TV and her days onshows such as Friends, 24, GhostWhisperer and of course Archer.But, did you know that she also went to Dartmouth? Oh yeah, she’s not onlyhawt, she’s freaking smart!

Aaaaaaaaaand, as if that it’s enough she’s also a freakinghilarious stand-up comic. Aisha also has a GREAT podcast called Girl on Guythat is so damn much fun to listen to. Honestly, I’m not sure how we’ll evertop this one. Aisha is BY FAR the most awesome BotW yet!

Matt Said, Jay Said XIV

2012-02-03T23:59:00.000-05:00

Matt hitzaldiak,Jay hitzaldiak, You entzun.

Matt: “I’m anextremely busy man so make it quick.”
Jay: “Oh, got a lot going on this morning.”
Matt: “My imaginary social calendar is full.”
Jay: “I know the feeling. All my imaginary friends came over last night.”
Matt: “I’m sure those thoughtless bastards made a mess.”
Jay: “They always do. The fucking slobs.”

Jay: “Hey, youknow what I picked up at the new VIP Wines and Sprits here in town?”
Matt: “Wine and spirits?”
Jay: “Damn right. Specifically some Concord Grape Manischewitz.”
Matt: “Oh really? Is it tasty?”
Jay: “It’s freaking delicious. Tastes like grape juice with a kick.”
Matt: “I’m glad they’re ready to serve Redneckville’s big Jewish community.”
Jay: “You’d be surprised. I know 2 of ‘em here in town.”
Matt: “Well that’s 2 more than I thought.”
Jay: “Hell, I even converted for a while.”
Matt: “For a while?”
Jay: “Yeah, on reconverted to Christianity cause there were just so may rules.”
Matt: “I can understand not wanting to live with those restrictions.”

Matt: “I’m onFacebook, I should look at some of *name redacted’s* pics.
Jay: “I do that sometimes myself.”
Matt: “It’s very enjoyable.”
Jay: “I’d really like to touch her ass.”
Matt: “ANOTHER enjoyable experience.”
Jay: “I’d like to kiss it too. She wouldn’t even have to take her pants off. Isthat creepy?”
Matt: “Well, a little. I’m not gonna lie.”
Jay: “You’d think you would be used to it by now.”
Matt: “Some things I just can’t get used to.”
Jay: “Yeah, I’m the same way. Like Jello, that’s weird shit.”
Matt: “What the hell are you talking about?”
Jay: “I don’t know really.”
Matt: “Now THAT I’ve gotten used to.”

Jay: “So the bigSuper Bowl Extravaganza this week?”
Matt: “Oh yeah! Lots to talk about there.”
Jay: “We might even get around to the game itself.”
Matt: “If we run out of interesting stuff.”
Jay: “There’s plenty. Prop bets, food, exciting and exotic Indianapolis.”
Matt: “Oh, and we might be getting a live, local and latebraking report fromIndy.”
Jay: “From a correspondent.”
Matt: “Better. From a real live Indy resident!”
Jay: “That actually exist?!”
Matt: “Hell yes! And I know one of them.”
Jay: “That’s pretty wild. I can’t wait to hear from him.”
Matt: “It’s gonna be awesome.”

Well, there yougo, another brilliant isngight into the inner workings of the IWS Media WorldEmpire again. It never stops being fascinating, does it? Aslo, don’t forget tocheck out our SuperBowl Extravaganza this Saturday night LIVE at 11 pm ET or catch it in thearchives anytime.

I Am Matt-Man, But You Can Call Me Job

2012-02-03T00:15:00.000-05:00

Cheers and Happy Friday Chuckleheads…Matt-Man here to help you get your big, Super Bowl XLVI weekend kicked off right.

And how will I do that, you ask yourselves?

In order to help you make you feel great about yourselves, Ima gonna tell you about all the simple, yet highly irritating misfortunes that occur to me at the most inopportune times.

Oh yeah, Bitches…

While I am not one who adheres to deadlines and timelines by any means, every day annoyances happen to me right on schedule, meaning…their schedule.

Like last night for instance. I got home around 9:15 PM knowing that it was me who was scheduled to post on IWS for Friday. I had put some thought into it while at work, and decided I would write about all the garbage some people post on Facebook.

I’d get home…Re-read some hilarious religious, political, and oh woe is me posts on Facebook and make fun of them. Simple enough, right?

Sure…If you’re not me.

I got home, went to get on Facebook and voila…I couldn't read anything on Facebook, because using MY browser on MY computer, it was all fucked up. I asked around to see if others were having problems. Nope, not a one…Just yours truly. And then I began to think…

This kinda stupid shit happens to me all the damn time.

Dig it…This past week, I did nine sets of taxes for various people including myself. Three sets of Federal, State, and Local tax returns.

Eight of the nine returns were accepted as correct. Guess whose State return was screwed up due to a simple, tiny mistake? Uh-huh…

Mine.

Hell, yesterday my BFF/OSP Schmoop already got her State refund which I did for her only days ago, and what did I get for my efforts? Nothing, but the right to be nicknamed, H&R Blockhead, and a one way ticket to Palookaville.

A couple of weeks ago, I was running incredibly late for work. I managed to get showered, dressed, and ready to go when what did I hear? A whooshing sound. A wet, warbling, whooshing sound. The toilet was running and about to run over.

After cursing my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and his Almighty, practical joke wielding Father, I fixed the toilet, ran through the wind and rain to work, and arrived with two minutes to spare.

Desperately in need of a smoke, I stuck my hand in my pocket, only to discover there was nothing there. I had left my smokes at home in the GODDAMN Bathroom!!

Hell, the other night at work, I was in need of an energy boost, so I bought the last no-carb Monster that we had in stock. I rang it up; paid for it, and when I went open it…the FUCKING tab broke off without opening the can.

I am not afraid to admit…I wept a bit.

There is hope however, and there is a bit of promise perhaps.

Due to my schedule at work, I have yet to see my kid play any of his High School basketball games this year.

This Tuesday if the weather is not too bad, and he doesn’t have to work at his “every day” job of snow removal and maintenance, Bill who works off and on for us, is going to work my evening shift, so that I may attend my son’s game…on my birthday no less.

While I find that very sweet of him, I know that given my track record in life, it ain’t going to happen.

Because…

Even if the weather is perfect and Billy Boy does show up?

As I am driving to my son’s game, with music cranked and a birthday smile upon my face, I will suddenly hear an explosion and a koo-lumpa-lumpa-lumpa sound a mile or so away from his school.

I will pull over to the side of the road, once again curse the Baby Jeebus, and begin to fix the flat tire…or the two flat tires, oh what the hell, I’ll fix all, GODDAMN FOUR flat tires.

Have a good weekend everyone, and enjoy the Super Bowl. I’ll miss the first quarter because I am working, but I’ll get to see the rest of it.

Provided our TV doesn’t go on the shits, which...I'm sure it will.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

Super Bowl XLVI...A Media Pass Is Not a Free Pass

2012-02-02T00:01:00.001-05:00

Hi Babies. IWS News Hottie, Kim Fragile here, for I’m With Stupid.

I don’t think I’ve talked to you since last October when on Sweetest Day I described to you what an incredibly stupid “holiday” it is.

Chocolates? Flowers? Perfume? Pffffft.

Give me an inflatable bondage chair, a Doctor who prescribes his own Viagra, and an AP News Feed, and I am one happy news woman…but anyhoo…

The other day, I was in the island nation of Madagascar where I was doing an IWS documentary on the effects of big, black African penises inside of a white news reporter who has tsetse flies covering her vagina and hot voodoo candle wax on her nipples, when my cell phone rang.

It was Matt-Man.

He said that a frantic Jayman had told him that the NFL had refused to give our Sports Director, Slyder Balzcock, media credentials to get inside of Lucas Oil Stadium in order to cover Super Bowl XLVI.

After I asked, and Matt-Man explained to me what the hell “ex-el-vee-eye” meant, he told me to go gutter newsie, and get my sexy ass to Indianapolis in order to help the IWS Media Empire secure a Media Pass through my feminine wiles if necessary.

Well let me tell ya…It hasn’t been easy.

I first went the defiant and educated, “Hey, we here at IWS are journalists, and deserve our journalistic right to cover the Super Bowl” route.

I was told by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, that the IWS team exhibits journalistic skills and decorum that the NFL would prefer not to have covering their annual, national celebration of sportsmanship and excellence in athletics.

So…I went above Goodell’s head and asked his wife, FOX News babe Jane Skinner, if she’d like to have sex with me in exchange for an NFL Media Pass.

She told me that while she would like to have sex with me, the last Super Bowl pass she had, had to be given to an adult woman who suffers from mental retardation so she had just given it to her co-worker, Gretchen Carlson.

So, I began a thinkin’…

“Who in the world desperately needs sex and might have a media credential for Super Bowl Ex-El-Vee-Eye?”

I immediately thought of Sean Hannity and Donald Trump. One or both of those wanks has to both, need sex AND have access to a media credential for Slyder. And…

I was right.

Unfortunately, when I finally got a hold of Hannity, he was with Trump and in between the noise of the rustling sheets and Ned Beatty sqealing sounds, Sean told me that he and The Donald had sold their media passes to Bernie Goldberg and Glenn Beck.

So…I guess I was a day late and a penis short.

Alas…I did my best. Although….

Maybe if I were to track down Wes Welker’s uber-hot girlfriend, Anna Burns?

Yeah...maybe she could do something for me…Uh-huh, she already does.

And truly?

It doesn't matter to me whether she has a press pass or not. Rowwwrrrrrrr.

Zooooves,

Kim

Email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaiws

Mitt Romney: Austerity is Another Word for Paradise

2012-01-31T23:59:00.000-05:00

Hola y’all! Mitt Romney here! I’m fresh off my spectacularvictory in the Florida primary last night. I racked up 47% of the vote which isan amazing coincidence because not only have I changed my stance on 47% of theissues we’ve discussed so far, but if you use “Mitt Math” I paid 47% of myincome in taxes last year. Only a truly great American such as myself would paythat much.

I just wanted to let everyone know where we go from here.And, I’ll do it while reading from notes printed out by a member of my stafflike a real American would not off a teleprompter like an America-hatingChristian-bashing loser would. And, I’ll do it while staying positive and notengaging in any name calling like secret Muslims who wants to destroyeverything great about America would.

Don’t worry, I’ll keep this short. I’ve got my dog tied upto a fence outside with a six inch leash and it’s raining heavily. But, he cantake it. And, speaking of how much I love my dog and other animals, I want toaddress some scurrilous things that have been said about me lately.

Chief among these is that somehow, I’m being presented assomeone who looks down on people who haven’t worked hard like I have to makemyself into something from nothing and are much less successful than me. Worstof all, these people are claiming that I hate poor people! Now this reallyhurts. I don’t hate poor people. Everyone who works for me is poor. And, I loveall of them dearly.

If you look at my record in that state I was governor ofthat I won’t actually name because it’s a very liberal state that follows veryliberal policies and has low unemployment, almost universal healthcare and bestin the nation schools. I’m opposed to ALL of the policies that resulted in allthose good numbers, even if they were mine. But, I do want to point out that asgovernor I passed a plan that resulted in poor people having access tohealthcare.

A plan that was so damn good, that President Obama used itas the model for ObamaCare. And, as president, I’ll repeal that bill. Afterrepeal people with preexisting conditions will immediately be tossed off theirinsurance plans and all those poor people who were about to have access toinsurance no longer will. Trust me these people will be so much happier thisway. Honestly, it’s a matter of pride for most of them.

Folks, I keep saying that this is a battle for the Soul ofAmerica. I know it’s a strange thing for someone with no soul to say, but Ireally do believe it. I just honestly think we can do so much better. We canreturn America to greatness! We can make our military great again! We can slashtaxes on everybody except working people! We can cut all this ridiculousspending on lazy-ass people who are just living off government handouts! And bycutting taxes dramatically, especially on rich people, and raising defensespending big time, we will of course, balance the budget.

And what’s really great about it folks, is that it will bepainless. We can do it all without one bit of sacrifice on your part. All youhave to do is just kick back and let the greatness happen. How awesome is that?Obama promises nothing but pain and sacrifice. He thinks Americans should dosilly things like “work together” and “take care of each other” and otherbullpoop ideas. Well, I’m here to tell ya folks, it just doesn’t have to be thatway.

Won’t it be wonderful when I, Mitt Romney, am president andyou no longer have any responsibilities? Won’t it be wonderful when nothing isexpected of you? Yes it will.

Austerity is just another word for paradise.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Sometimes, Being Loud Is Golden

2012-01-31T00:35:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the last day of January chuckleheads.

I hope that you realize that 1/12th of another year has passed, and more importantly, I hope that you have given the forgone 8.25% of 2012, a robust 110% of your effort.

I know that we here at I’m With Stupid, have done just that. In fact…

While our radio show has been airing for well over a year, Jayman and I have been doing the I’m With Stupid website for less than a year, since late June of 2011 to be precise, and what wonderful accomplishments have we packed into these several months which include the aforementioned 1/12th of 2012?

Well…while nothing monumental or civilization changing, there are more than a few notable items of accomplishment which to, um….note.

In addition to trying to be funny both on the air and on this site, Jayman and I like to set the record straight about our society, as he or I see it.

Sometimes, that means, going after “the establishment”. And when I say establishment, I don’t merely mean the government. I mean corporations, private organizations, and yes, sometime individuals as well.

Jayman and I have done that several times over the preceding months, and let me tell you, and let it be a lesson to you…

Speaking out on a public forum such as this site, or our radio show, is not only cathartic, it can and does bring results.

As a united front, Jay and IWS have helped a hot babe slam Google over its puritanical censorship, and they finally acquiesced, and her allowed to post a Karaoke video of HERSELF.

After an outcry brought upon by Jayman and IWS, re-runs of Oprah at 11 PM on Ozarks CW are a thing of the past, and M*A*S*H episodes have been brought back.

Through threat of a boycott, and public, quasi-humiliation brought on by IWS, Time-Warner fixed the internet connection here in the Bagwine digs, by replacing outdated cables.

We called the Gingrich comeback long before paid TV pundits, as well as the Herman Cain endorsement of, "We the People."

Yet...

Because of our satire, rapier wits, and outcries for public justice, we have also been blocked on social media venues such as Twitter, by the likes of Joe Scarborough, Neal Boortz, and, of course Esquire’s own, Scott Raab, among others.

Yes, the pendulum of justice swings both ways when voicing one’s opinions, however, the fact of the matter is…

When one allows their voice to roar through the garble of everyday hyperbole and white noise of life on a platform like IWS whose numbers are pretty damn good by the way, you get a reaction.

It may be positive. It may be negative, but the most important thing is…you are heard.

Take for instance, the following…

A couple of months ago, IWS published an article about how insufferable Ohio State football fans are.
We were lauded and our article picked up by, and shouted out by, one of the biggest talk radio stations in the country, 700 WLW.

That is the good side of the pendulum. Now, fast forward to this 1/12th of 2012. Just recently I wrote an article about how God-Awful, I thought morning guy Doc Thompson of 700 WLW is…er…was…er…whatever.

Many a Clear Channel big wig read said article and yesterday? It was announced that Doc Thompson had been fired. During his honeymoon no less. While we delight in Doc’s passing from the air waves of WLW, we regret the unseemlyness of the timing. Ouch!!

On the upside of the pendulum…

Our guy…er…potato man, Spuds Tuberosum, recently exalted the deliciousness of the potato and scoured in outrage over the failed attempts by the Obama Administration to remove it from the school lunch menus.

What did we get in return?

A very nice email from Marie Joanis who works for the National Potato Council, and no, I’m not kidding. It was very nice of her and her organization to follow up with us. We appreciate that immensely.

Anyhoo, and I guess what my limited learnin’ is trying to say, is…

Words do have power. When you sift through all the hyperbole, satire, offensiveness, and sometimes profanity of the words that appear here on I’m With Stupid, there is common sense, and evidently, some people listen to that, see through that, and do the right thing, based upon that.

When you out bad things publicly, or laud good thing publicly, things happen…and we would like you to join us.

We are happy that you read and/or listen to our radio show, but help our voices be even louder by writing a blog post for IWS or chiming in on the radio show. It’s that easy, and we welcome your voices.

For IWS, and on behalf of Jayman ~~unless he doesn’t like this post~~, I bid you…let it out, let it go, and bring it here...to IWS.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

The Back Alley Abortion Cafe is Ruined

2012-01-29T22:59:00.000-05:00

Hola! As you have probably heard, Oklahoma State Senator Ralph “Pee-Wee” Shortey has introduced a bill that would BAN the use of aborted fetuses in food. Now, you might be wondering if this was something that needs to be legislated against. Well, the answer is YES! In fact, his bill has ruined my dream of opening restaurants in Oklahoma City and Tulsa that specialize in Fetus Meat. Here’s the menu I had put together.

Welcome to the Back Alley Abortion Café!

Appetizers, Salads and Soups …

Fried Fetus Sticks w/ a Tangy Marinara Sauce

Bacon Wrapped Fetus Fingers w/ Ranch Dressing

Spicy Fetus Wings

Placenta Soup

Fetus Spring Rolls

Thick and Hearty Chunky Fetus Stew

Cajun Style Fetus and Shrimp Gumbo

Stem Cell Salad with Fetus Toes Sprinkled About

Caesar Salad w/ House Vinegar, Oil and Amino Fluid Dressing

Crunchy Parmesan Fetus Tenders w/ Dipping Sauces
(All White Meat)

Lunch and Dinner …

Southwestern Style Smoked Fetus Wrap

French Dip Fetus Sandwich w/ Garlic Placenta Dipping Sauce

Grilled Fetus and Swiss Toasted Sandwich

Fetus Brains Tartare

Whole Rotisserie Fetus Slow Cooked Over Open Coals
(The crispy skin is our favorite!)

Giant Late Term Ground Fetus Burger

Hickory Smoked Fetus w/ Baked Potato

Blackened Cajun Style Fetus Served Over Wild Rice

Chicken Fried Fetus Covered in Country Gravy & a Side of Collard Greens

Classic Fetus Liver and Onions

Desserts …

Fetus Ice Cream w/ Chocolate Syrup

Fetus Brownie w/ Vanilla Ice Cream and Chocolate Syrup

Frosty Fetus Shake (Chocolate, Vanilla or Almond)

As you can see, this would have been a really big hit in downtown OKC! But, now they’ll have to travel out of state to enjoy my culinary creations. Once again, just like with explicit porn and high alcohol content beer, the good people of Oklahoma are being deprived of something great by the republicans anti-small business and job killing legislation.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

In other, only slightly less offensive news, we had a great time bashing men Saturday in our “Men are Pigs” episode of I’m With Stupid podcast. We really let men have it. We clobbered them for their lack of sensitivity, rudeness, conceit and general bad manners and lack of decent grammar skills.

We also checked in with our new gay correspondent Joshua who is FABULOUS! And, of course we classed the joint up a bit with our weekly feature “Pee Break with Schmoop!” So, give it a listen, it was really an outstanding show.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Babe of the Week: Classic Beauty

2012-01-29T00:46:00.000-05:00

For this week’s Babes of the Week, I’m With Stupidcelebrates some of the all-time classic babes. We proudly present to you somewomen whose beauty transcends the generations.

Raquel Welch…

Elizabeth Taylor…

Dorothy Dandridge…

Ann Margret…

And of course Princess Grace Kelly

Matt Said, Jay Said XIII

2012-01-27T23:33:00.002-05:00

Matt-Man cainteanna,Jayman cainteanna, You éisteacht.

Matt: *sings* “Iiiiiiiiii’m … so in love with yooooo …”
Jay: “That’s so sweet.”
Matt: “Oh! It’s you. Sorry.”
Jay: “Too late! You already said it so you can’t take it back.”
Matt: “I didn’t know those were the rules.”
Jay: “We live by the rules of the street.”
Matt: “True dat homey.”
Jay: “And by ‘street’ I mean ‘the playground.’”

Jay: “The National Potato Council should be pleasedwith your post.”
Matt: “I went all out for them.”
Jay: “I’m a little concerned that @ThisSpudsForYou hasn’tacknowledged us though.”
Matt: “I was just thinking the same thing.”
Jay: “When we sellout for someone, we expect some publicity, I mean thanks.”
Matt: “And when they don’t, we’re forced to rail against something we love.”
Jay: “I was having tater tots for lunch, but now I’m thinking differently.”
Matt: “I’m going to have a hamburger with a side salad now.”
Jay: “I’ll have a healthy green, leafy salad too. Just like kids in schoolshould!”
Matt: “That’s right, I’m having hamburger with a side of disrespect.”
Jay: “And a tall cold glass of heartache.”
Matt: “And it goes down as slow as it is hurtful.”

Jay: “Well, it IS still early so maybe they’ll still noticeus.”
Matt: “They better or I’ll have to mash them.”
Jay: “I’ll have them scattered, smothered and covered with righteousindignation!”
Matt: “I’ll name them ‘Julienne’ and make them my bitch.”
Jay: “We’ll scallop ‘em!”
Matt: “We’ll look in their brown eyes and then bake ‘em!”
Jay: “We tried to STEM the tideagainst them though.”
Matt: “I’m beginning to think they’re the ROOTof all evil.”
Jay: “We did our best to butter ‘em up.”
Matt: “I guess all our hopes and dreams were half-baked.”
Jay: “I’m pretty steamed.”
Matt: “I feel like I’ve been pancaked.”

Jay: “So, we’re Man Bashing this week?”
Matt: “Damn right we are.”
Jay: “Men are pigs.”
Matt: “They disgust me.”
Jay: “Arrogant, hateful bastards.”
Matt: “Every last one of ‘em.”
Jay: “Nobody has every deserved this show topic more than men.”
Matt: “And nobody has ever gone after them like we will.”
Jay: “Every day men do things that just infuriate me.”
Matt: “I observe them from the Beer Mine and it makes me weep for humanity.”
Jay: “I bet it does.”
Matt: “It drives me to drink.”
Jay: “That’s so sad.”
Matt: “Very much so.”

So there you go againfolks. The genius flows like Niagara Falls. So, be sure to tune into I’m With Stupid thisSaturday at 11 pm ET as we bash men in the “Men are Pigs” episode. We’reholding nothing back this time kids! We’ll lay out the case against men andeven have an update from our Joshua, our new Gay Correspondent. It’s gonna be ahoot! Join us and even call in to add to the man bashing.

Something Is Au Rotten Within the United States Department of Agriculture

2012-01-27T02:23:00.000-05:00

This is Spuds Tuberosum for I’m…With…Stupid, and listen…

I have more than a few problems with the Obamas and the United States Department of Agriculture.

Tater Tot, by every slowly served Tater Tot, they are trying to limit the amount of starchy foods in school lunches, in favor of “more acceptable vegetables” such as brussel sprouts and broccoli.

Let me tell ya…

We potatoes Rawwwwwwk!!

We are a good source of Vitamins B6, C, Thiamine, and Niacin, and we have more than our fair share of Potassium working through us, as well as more than a little bit of Iron, to which I have to say…

Hey corn, move over and make room for the tuber, you winsome bitch.

And yet, while this go ‘round, the Obamas and the USDA have failed to stop our appearance in school lunches, my more than a few of my eyes have never seen such an attack on something as American as the potato.

I have never seen anything as un-American as attacking the potato since the days when The Brady Bunch was cancelled.

So goes Cindy Brady; so goes the Yukon Gold.

Listen President and Mrs. Obama, Secretary Vilsack, and my fellow Americans…This great nation was born and built on two staples of dietary ingestion, and two staples only…Meat and Potatoes.

Do you deciders of fortune in Washington, D.C. realize that if weren’t for the potato and it’s ensuing blight from dirty rot, taint, and curl, that today there would be nary a city in the United States that wasn’t well-manned by cops of Irish descent?

Sure, you talk a good game about the gloriosity of first responders, but you are trying to kill off the very life blood that brought them here.

I know, Mrs. Obama, you want to put an end to child obesity or whatever, but c’mon, who are we kidding?

You show me a kid who grows up eating bulgur wheat, brussel sprouts, and fruit during his or her formative years in elementary school, and I’ll show you a kid who gets his or her ass kicked every day by the time High School comes around.

Sad.

Seriously. Do you suppose Daniel Boone passed on a twice baked potato in lieu of a half baked mention of asparagus with his deer brisket while running the gauntlet?

Do you think that Andrew Jackson said, “The Cherokee can stay where they are until I finish my sausage and endive casserole.”

Is it to be believed that on the day that the Berlin Wall came down, Ronald Reagan, said, “Man, I wish could celebrate the end of Communism by having a juicy steak with some fresh and slightly roasted eggplant.”

Ha-hooooo, I don’t think so.

No my friends, Boone ate raw potatoes while butchering the Shawnee…Jackson had French fries with his Trail of Tears entree, and the Gipper had several frozen patties of hash browns for every brick that came tumbling down.

So Real…So American…So Potato…

My friends…

From the Russet’s red glare to Yukon Golds bursting in air, I say to you…

Do not, like this administration has, dare to abandon the potato.

Totted, twice baked, or in chip form, we have, and always will be, here for you.

God Bless the potato, the National Potato Council, and above all…

God Bless the United States of America,

Spuds Tuberosum

Email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

Malcolm Eckstein Speaks

2012-01-26T00:00:00.001-05:00

Peace, Salam, and Shalom, bitches.

Malcolm Ramadan Eckstein here for I’m Wif Stupid.

Most y’alls probably aksin yoselfs, “Who the fuck is this crazy lookin nigga?”

Well…Taint none of yo Got Damn bizzness, but I’ll tell ya anyway.

I am the new Minority Affairs Correspondent for IWS, and I am one bad ass mutha-shut your mouf. Ha, and sheeeeet.

Seriously my bruthas and sistas…Jayman and Matt-Man hired me to cover what many of you gated community livin mo-foes refer to as, “The Section 8 News.”

On top of that, IWS had no minorities on their staff, so what wif Black History Monf comin up, they thought they’d hire one. And wif me, they get three minorities in one…a black man who is boaf a Muslim and a Jew.

Damn right, bitches. Sammy Davis Cyclops, Jr. can kiss his own dead ass, cuz Malcolm Ramadan Eckstein is duh Holy Trinty of American minority statusizement.

Yeah…my momma was a white Muslim named A’isha, my grow-up daddy was a black Jew named Hiram, and my biological daddy?

His name was, State of Michigan #7689125. Man, that is one whacked name to go through life wif.

I had a pretty good life for a kid who grew up in Detroit and was facing all of the mixed marriage and fucked up religious stigmatisizers.

My momma, who was a magician, would put in eight, and sometimes twelve hours a day, performing tricks at Bailey Lounge on the corner of Livernois Ave. and Webb St.

My relatively long-term daddy who loved me and raised me, worked as a commodities broker who specialized in aluminum futures. And dig it, he worked hard and took his job seriously.

I remember some nights he’d come home after eleben hours of workin the streets during a hot Detroit summer day, and say to Momma…

“I sweat my ass off for these alabastard Gentiles only to discover that after a long ass day of recycling their shit, aluminum is down to twenty eight cents a pound. Oy Fucking Vay, and pass the bitter herbs, and collard greens.”

Anyway…

I am emminetsly qualified to be the IWS Minority Affairs Correspondent.

I have been on this Earf for two score and a deuce and let me tell ya…in spite of growing up in the cushy confines of one of only two, two bedroom apartments in the projects, I have cred.

I grew up worshipping Allah AND Moses. I grew up worshipping Suzanne Somers AND Lola Falana. I grew up worshipping, Orange Pekoe Tea AND Manischewitz.

I am the Underdog-Uber-Man, and my name be Malcolm Ramadan Eckstein. So say it, likes ya mean it, or Malcolm cut a bitch.

And by the way…That picture of me at the top?

Jayman and Matt-Man wanted a file photo of me, but I said, “Naw, Bitches, Naw.”

That portrait of me was done in 1994 by Ray Charles, and as we can all see…

For a blind dude, Ray was one badass, brushstrokin, mutha fucka.

I’ll be seeing you again soon during Black History Monf, and remember bitches, my initials are MRE, and as any good military ho knows…

That means…Meal Ready To Eat. Uh-huh.

Yeah I said that,
Malcolm Ecks

Email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

State fo the Union Insta-Analysis

2012-01-24T22:59:00.000-05:00

Hola y’all and welcome to my expert analysis of the State ofthe Union address. I’ll be firing away at the O-Man throughout the speech andthen post this raw and unedited. Well, I might edit it some, but I won’t changemy reactions to the idiotic things Obama is going to say.

Also, it’s my understanding that Indian Governor MitchDaniels will be giving the Republican Response tonight. I won’t include himsince I get to make fun of republicans three times a week when they debate.But, I will say I’m so happy that Newt’s success has allowed Gov. Daniels tomake a comeback and forced everyone to go back to pretending he’s not a fuckingweirdo.

Okay, everyone’s in the building! LET’S DOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!

Ahem. He’s taking his time getting to the podium. I guess I’llhave another beer.

Whoa! That wasn’t a “FRIENDZONE” hug he just gave GabbyGiffords.

John Boehner is still the darkest man in the room.

Okay, here we go. …DRINK!!

I honestly thought there was at least an outside chanceObama would show up wearing a glittery jacket and just do lounge songs. No suchluck. Apparently he’s gonna be all serious about this shit.

The State of the Union is? … Strong? Notfucking hardly dude.

Opening by praising the military and reminding everyone hehad Bin Laden killed. If you don’t applaud you hate America more than Obamadoes.

“An economy built tolast, where hard work pays off, and responsibility is rewarded.” –Pfffffft. Yeah right.

“… a blueprint for aneconomy that’s built to last – an economy built on American manufacturing,American energy, skills for American workers, and a renewal of American values.”– Yeah, I think that horse has already left the barn buddy.

I’m glad I didn’t tell you guys to drink every time he usesthe word “responsibility.” That would have been down-right irresponsible of me.

Lots of talk of “tax equity.” It’s almost as if he expectsto run against Romney in the fall.

I wonder if any republican will use the words “Class Warfare”to describe Obama’s speech.

If I ever attend a SotU I’m going to bring a laser pointerwith me to see if I can freak out the Secret Service.

Let’s break for a little song and dance routine from Shakira…

General Moters is #1 again and Mitt Romney is a big fatpoopy head!

“What’s happening inDetroit can happy anywhere. Cleveland. Pittsburgh.” – IT ALREADY HAS!!

We’re still talking about the auto industry. We get it. Yougot one right. Thanks. Let’s move on.

A Trade Enforcement Unit! We’re gonna let China have it!Finally. Maybe. We’ll see.

1^st Human Interest Story: “Jayman is a guy who is fast becoming a HUGE internet celebrity, yet hestill has no groupies. My administration will NOT LET THIS STAND! We’re goingto assign some of the daughters of legal age of Newt and Bill Clinton’sgroupies to him. It’s only fair.”

“Unemployment,Reemployment, ME-employment.”

If we had done something about immigration reform when weshould have, Mitt Romney’s family never would have moved here from Mexico!

John Kerry looks like our economy!

“Blah, blah, blah …Energy strategy.” Yeah, yeah whatever. Justifiedcomes on in 20 minutes. Pick up the pace.

Transportation projects! Does this mean his going to fix mycar?

Oh great. Now he wants to fix the mortgage crisis that hecould have fixed already but caved to both dems and repubs in ’09 on fixing thebankruptcy bill.

Obama keeps saying he “won’t go back.” That’s great, but he isn’tgoing forward either.

Joe Biden either has a cold and keeps eating lozenges or hehas a very serious Vicodin habit.

The debt, taxes and other shit. I’m not gonna lie. I’mrunning out of energy here.

Sorry, I had to take a break to give Christine O’Donnellsome shit on Twitter.

Now, it’s mostly “republicans suck.” I forget, is this anelection year?

“You can call it ‘ClassWarfare’ all you want.” – GOP response: You’re on!

How fucking long is this speech? GAWD!

Has Obama updated us on Demi Moore’s condition?

IRAN!!

ISRAEL!!

And yeah, that’s pretty much it. More military is great,America is great stuff you’ve heard before and will again. Okay, that’s it, I’mgoing to watch Justified now. Thanks!

Jayman
email: jayman3768@gmail.com
twitter: @Jayman_IWS

State of the Union Address 2012: Why Bother?

2012-01-24T01:36:00.001-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States…

And the joint Congress and American public go, “Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

Sad.

But the sadness…disinterest…malaise…or just plain, “What the fuck ever”, feeling is not without an understandable reason.

Tonight, during the State of the Union Address President Obama will say in some form or fashion as all President’s before him have said…

“The State of the Union is strong.”

Well, in my opinion, the State of the Union is far from strong, in fact, it sucks. And, I’m not talking about our economy, or our stature in the eyes of the world. I’m talking about us.

I’m talking about us as a nation of people who over the years have defeated an empire, have come together like none other, and now, after nearly 236 years of this great nation’s existence…

We argue over whether a woman has private and personal control over her own body, if a spouse has the right to let his spouse die in a dignified way, or if we should attack a country such as Iran whose military prowess is along the lines of the paper tiger that was Hussein’s Iraq.

Our nation has so many problems…from our debt, to reliance on foreign oil, to unemployment, to trying to find our markets and international place in the 21st Century.

And yet, when looking for a President and leader in our 2012 election cycle, what do many Americans look toward to guide their choice?

American History? The Constitution? Or perhaps, Common Sense? Noooooooo…

Many Americans find their safe harbors via the lighthouse of the media beacons that are MSNBC, FOX News, and some whacked out manchicks named Rachel Maddow and/or Sean Hannity among others.

Unfortunately, they seem to be the catalytic minority, and…they are what fuel the misfiring engine that is the do nothing government that we seem to have these days. Politicians want one thing, and that one thing is not to help America, it is to get reelected.

And in order to secure that end game, legislators agree with tiny minded folks, and no matter what, feed the electorate with what they want to hear in order to accomplish their unending, monetarily satisfying tenure within the once great halls of Congress.

Seriously, Mr. and/or Mrs. American Voter…you suck.

Choosing a President, taking the ten minutes it takes to vote, and actually researching who and why you want to vote for him or her has become such a chore. Because? Thinking takes time.

Millions of Americans listen to Limbaugh, Hannity, Maddow, and Olbermann because they would rather not think for themselves. They are too busy ordering pizza , texting a friend about how their spouse hates them, or playing Farmville on Facebook as they experience the virtual birth of a calf…

Gimme a break. It’s because of the laziness of the American voter that we in 2012, are left with a field of Presidential candidates of Romney, Gingrich, Santorum, Paul, and Obama.

In 1800 and 1804, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson went head to head in the Presidential election, and in 2012..?

We will have either Romney or Gingrich up against Obama.

Adams and Jefferson debated over the future course this country would take in order to make our then nascent nation more successful, and 200 and some years later?

No matter who the GOP picks to represent their party, the General Election debate will center on not who will make this country greater, but rather who will make this nation less than it already has become.

Ironically, it is our forefathers who set us upon this path with the birth of herd mentality political parties. However...

While they saw political parties merely as schools of thought, Americans today see them as political Cliff Notes, and comfortable, totalitarian schools of non-thought.

Americans today don’t have time to read the entire virtual biography that a candidate may put forth; they merely want to gaze, and listen to it briefly upon 24/7 cable news, and then like Pavlov’s dogs, obediently nod their heads, and wag their tails to what they know, and agree…or bark at the screen when they don’t.

After all, thinking takes time, and there are X-Box games to be played, spouses to cheat upon, and other who are unlike you and I to mock.

I wonder about our country, and when I do , I wonder about Ben Franklin.

He drank…He loooved the ladies…He smoked…He, like an idiot, stood out in the lightning…He hung out with pigeons as he trained them, and today?

Because of all of that, he couldn’t get elected as a City Commissioner of Bagwine, Ohio.

Americans today do not like thinkers…they do not like great people…Americans like a world that is homogenous…that thinks as they do…that is uncomplicated.

And that is exactly why America, the former bastion of innovation and great ideas, is becoming second-rate as a nation, and a nation whose State of the Union is not strong.

Matt-Man

Email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

South Carolina and Republicans Let Their Freak Flags Fly

2012-01-22T23:59:00.000-05:00

Hola South Carolina! Look at you!! You’re all grown up and sexy as hell! I remember when you were such a prude too. You were completely disgusted with ANYTHING of a sexual nature AT ALL. Remember that? Remember when you were all “Family Values is the number one issue!” and “We are all values voters” and all that that shit?

And, now you’re voting big time for Newt Freaking Gingrich. That would be the Newt of the multiple marriages, multiple adulterous affairs and an attempt to get one of his ex-wives to agree to an open marriage. And the Newt who had to resign the Speakership because of multiple ethics investigations and the fact that it was obvious he was about to take the Republican Party over a cliff with him.

I know, I know, this was about standing up to the establishment and not letting them force Willard “Fraudy McFakerson” Romney on you guys. Sure thing guys. What better way to stick it to the establishment than to vote for the former Speaker of the House and Washington lobbyist Newt Gingrich AKA: “Mr. Outsider?”

Hey, I’m not complaining at all. I really love the new “Sassy” South Carolina look. I like the short dresses, the plunging necklines, the heavy drinking and smoking and even the jeans so tight on the guys they create that sexy bulge. I mean sure, it’s going to take some getting used to, but I agree that this new look is going to be great for you.

But, there are a couple things I need to ask you about. Now that a candidate for president’s moral character, past transgressions and down-right bizarre behavior no longer matter, should we go back and fix a few things? Maybe go back and give a few people a retroactive pass for their mistakes? I mean, it’s only fair right?

Let’s start by asking Mark Sanford if he’d like to be shadow governor of South Carolina. And, make sure he understands that he can go visit his muy caliente Argentinian girlfriend anytime he wants. He kind of did get run out of office and forced not to run for reelection after that whole thing. And, since those kinds of actions no longer matter, let’s make it up to him.

Oh and Eliot Spitzer is free to head up to Albany, NY and hang out with Gov. Cuomo up there. He can kind of be like the “Co-Governor” or something like that. No real power, but a nice title and his once very promising political career should be completely restored. And, when he runs for President in 2016 or 2020, there will be no mentions of his dalliances with prostitutes, right South Carolina? Remember, moral character no longer matters.

You know what. I just thought of something. You guys aren’t going to just suddenly up and go back to that whole “value voters” shit as soon as Newt is finished off either in the GOP primaries or in the general election are you? If you think about it, that would be a really dirty thing to do. Way beneath you guys. What’s that? You’re not? You promise? Oaky then, that’s great!

Oh BTW, South Carolina and other republicans now supporting Newt Gringrich. Now that you’ve decided not to worry with morality anymore, you’ll have to go ahead and drop all opposition to Gay Marriage. HEY! I don’t make the rules, but there’s really no other choice. I know that’s gonna be a tough one to swallow, but it’s only fair.

Anyway, once again, love the new look South Carolina!

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

In other news, on Saturday’s I’m With Stupid podcast, Matt-Man and Jayman laid out a very thoughtful, well thought out argument as to Why Women Suck. In fact, we made such a compelling argument, that even our hecklers on Twitter finally had to concede we were right. Well, not publicly or anything like that. No woman would ever admit to being wrong publicly.

Also remember that we will be on again doing some Show Prep and other stuff on Wednesday at 11 AM ET and then next Saturday we’ll be back again at 11 PM ET to talk about Why Men Suck cause we’re fair like that.

Anyway, please listen to our “Why Women Suck” episode and let’s see if we can’t drive this show right to the top of BTR’s ratings! And as always, thank you so much for your continued support. We love each and every one of you.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

I'm With Stupid Babe of the Week: Callista Gingrich

2012-01-22T09:32:00.000-05:00

Move over Jackie-O...You're yesterday's glamour girl Michelle...

There's about to be a new babe about to be redecorating the White House in 2013.

Callista Gingrich.

Damn right, Bitches. Newt saved the best for probably what is to be his last wife, and Callista Gingrich III is smoking hot.

Callista Gingrich is classy, lithe, and has the dreamiest eyes I have ever seen...

Callista is carefree, open to all things, and yet with one look can steal a guy's ~~soul~~ heart...

Oh yeah... Politics can be cold, callous, and calculating at times, but Callista Gingrich adds a soft touch to the entire Presidential race this year, and because of that, she is the IWS Babe of the Week.

Cheers Callista!!

email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
twitter: @mattmaniws

Matt Said, Jay Said XXII

2012-01-20T22:59:00.000-05:00

מאט מדבר, מדבר ג'יי, אתה מקשיב.

Matt: “Thank you for calling our happy home, Matt speaking.”
Jay: “Hi drunk, I’m Matt.”
Matt: “My God man, the sun hasn’t even set!”
Jay: “Is that a problem?”
Matt: “Don’t you have any social graces?”
Jay: “I reject society’s arbitrary unwritten rules.”
Matt: “I guess I just come from a better class of people.”
Jay: “You and Willard Romney.”
Matt: “Noooo … The Romney’s are so uncouth, I’m more like the Rothschild’s”

Matt: “We have a new mascot down at the Beer Mine.”
Jay: “Oh really? Is it of the blow up variety?”
Matt: “You sick fuck. No, it’s a stray cat who has adopted us.”
Jay: “Awwww how sweet.”
Matt: “She is sweet. I named her ‘Depot’ in honor of the name of the Mine.”
Jay: “That’s pretty clever. Did you get her some cat food?”
Matt: “Oh yeah, she’s got a food and water dish.”
Jay: “Does she have a little bed to sleep on.”
Matt: “Yup, she sleeps in the bathroom at night.”
Jay: “Cool. I can’t stand to see animals suffer.”
Matt: “Me neither.”

Jay: “LastSaturday’s show finally showed up in the rankings.”
Matt: “I know, but I still think we’re getting screwed.”
Jay: “You know, I was thinking.”
Matt: “Jay, beer thoughts are usually bad thoughts.”
Jay: “No, no this is good.”
Matt: “Alright.”
Jay: “You’ve got over 300 ‘friends’ on Facebook, right?”
Matt: “Yeah, and I know where you’re going here.”
Jay: “Combined we have like 500 friends.”
Matt: “And if they all just HIT PLAY we would move further up the board.”
Jay: “And get more exposure resulting in even MORE plays.”
Matt: “They wouldn’t even have to listen if they didn’t want to.”
Jay: “Exactly! Even though they should cause we’re fucking funny.”
Matt: “Oh hell yes. But, they could listen once, and then just play a secondtime.”
Jay: “Right, even I don’t listen to us twice.”
Matt: “Noooo ... Usually I turn it on and say ‘Shut up assholes!’”
Jay: “Yeah, I yell ‘Not these fucking guys again!’ at the computer.”
Matt: “Anyway, hitting #1 once would be cool.”
Jay: “I know. And those 9 or 10 shows ahead of us all suck.”
Matt: “Have you listened to them?”
Jay: “No. I’m just bitter because I’ve never been #1 in anything.”
Matt: “No more beer for you.”
Jay: “Why?”
Matt: “Because you’re drinking SADdweiser.”

Jay: “What are we talking about on Saturday’s show?”
Matt: “Why women suck?”
Jay: “That’s perfect. A couple more beers and I’ll have enough material bymyself.”
Matt: “Okay Jay, that’s really enough drinking for today.”
Jay: “You’re not my mother.”
Matt: “Time to take a nap.”
Jay: “I don’t need a nap.”
Matt: “No, I was talking about me.”
Jay: “Oh! Nite, nite.”
Matt: “Goodnight.”

So there you go folks. Genius in action. Also, don’t forgetto listen to I’mWith Stupid on Saturday at 11 PM ET as we talk about Why Women Suck!

Johnny Vegas Picks the Conference Championship Games

2012-01-19T23:59:00.000-05:00

Hola Gamblers! Johnny Vegas, IWS’ sports handicapping expert here to fire a perfect spiral of advice that hits you right between the numbers for a big score once again! As you may recall, last weekend I lit up the scoreboard by going 2-2 against the spread and 4-0 in picks straight up. Not too shabby!

It’s time for the conference championships which means there’s no more time to fool around. This is it baby! Winners go to the Super Bowl! And, the NFL has served up a couple of pretty tasty treats for us gamblers to nibble at. So let’s get right to it, shall we? As always, the favorite is in all caps.

AFC Championship: Baltimore +7.5 @ NEW ENGLAND: Well kids, I think we all pretty much new all season long that this is where these two teams were going to end up. And to most this looks like a really tough match up with the potential for an upset. But, that’s why you need an expert like me. I make it my business to know how to see past the forest for the trees. And not just any trees, but the ones the money grows on baby.

After hours and hours of research and crunching the numbers, in my professional opinion, Ravens QB Joe Flacco plays like doggie doo-doo on the road. Now, I know this analysis flies in the face of conventional wisdom which tells us that Flacco is a mentally tough elite QB who can deal with all levels of adversity. But, I’m here to tell ya that just might not be the case.

So, even though 7.5 points seems like a lot, I think you can safely take New England to cover with ease as Tom Brady racks up big numbers throwing to Welker underneath most of the day and then catches the world by surprise by hitting Chad Ochocinco deep a couple of times.

NFC Championship: NY Football Giants +2.5 @ SAN FRANCISCO: And here are the two teams that very few people expected to see playing each other this weekend. Well, except for me, of course. This is why you should listen to me. I was all over these two teams last week, and I’m all over this game this week.

You can pretty much just toss the line out on this one. It’s basically a pick ‘em game and may officially be by game time. For most people this is a tough game to pick. The Giants are riding the wave right now and appear destined for a Super Bowl XLII rematch with the Patriots and two full weeks of interviews with the entire fucking Manning clan, reminders that Tom Brady is married to Gisele Bundchen and replays of David Tyree’s catch. I can’t wait.

And, here’s something I’ve uncovered in my research. In games that kick off in late afternoons on the West Coast, in shitty stadiums against teams from cities with a large gay population Eli Manning plays a very relaxed style and is great at hooking up with receivers, backs and tight ends. Weird, right? But, the facts are the facts and I think it’s just impossible to overlook how happy Eli seems to be playing in cities in front of a lot of gays. Therefore, take the Giants to blow through the Niners and head on into the Super Bowl as they continue to surge. Hell, if they win a second Super Bowl, someone will probably erect a statue of Eli Manning.

Alright, there you kids. And, as always, if you’re desperate and pathetic enough to take gambling advice from someone on a website named “I’m With Stupid” then you deserve to end up being featured in a local news story about how your gambling addiction cost you your family, house job and car.

In other news, on Wednesday’s edition of I’m With Stupid podcast Matt-Man and Jayman absolutely DESTROYED the bad internet censorship bills SOPA and PIPA and the government-loving, liberty-hating people who support those bills. I highly recommend you listen as it was a truly great show.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

The Prime Minister of Turkey Bastes Gov. Rick Perry

2012-01-19T00:41:00.000-05:00

Merhaba and Günaydın to you.

This is Turkish Prime Minister, Recep Tayyip Erdogan for I’m With Stupid. Why is the Prime Minister of a country of nearly 80 Million people vocabularizing on this medium, you ask?

Well listen as I tell you…One American GOP candidate for President, Rick Perry, says that we are but a Muslim-ruled alarmist and terrorist nation.

When we objected to his words to the U.S. Department of State, we were brushed off by an official statement that read…

“Don’t worry your pretty, little, whirling dervished heads about what Rick Perry says; he’s a fucking moron.”

Frankly and grammatically, I was behooven to put finger to type pad and contact someone…indeed, anyone…who in America would listen to us, and allow me to speak upon behalf of our ecru-colored peoples.

Mr. Perry says that my nation of Turkey should receive no U.S. aid because we are a nation of Islamic terrorists.

Allow me to explain to Mr. Drugstore Cowboy, who in shoe-shined boots, shoots cooped up birds at a ranch probably named in honor of his and his daddy’s dalliances, that we Turks, have for sixty years, been a friend to the West and more importantly, to the United States.

Let me tell you something Perry…Toward the end of World War II we entered on the side of the Allies.

During the Cold War, we told the Soviets to bring it, because we knew they wouldn’t, ‘cause we are Turks.

During the Korean Conflict, we fought along side of you, bled with you, and ate shit-canned WW II rations with you, and we as allies…Turks, Aussies, Brits, and Americans, together gunned down much of the shallow gene pool that was to become Kim Jong Il.

In 1952 we had asked for, and were granted, a membership into NATO. Turkey became the lynchpin and the keystone for keeping the USSR from gaining a iron foothold in the Middle East. And what do we get in return from you, Mr. Perry? That’s right…

Heartache.

I know. I know…You Mr. Perry, like many Americans, have this, balls to the wailing walls feeling for Israel and all of her “vast greatness” as a place of Middle East democracy and God Given benevolence, however…

Many of us in Turkey distrust the State of Israel, what with her illegal capture of some of our Turks recently, and Israel’s attack on the U.S.S. Liberty in 1967; we would rather just simply ignore Israel, all the while seeing Palestine being granted her own state.

And allow me to ask you this, Mr. Perry…If Israel is such a great and glorious democracy , how come America is still spoon-feeding her a couple of billion dollars a year. Should not that foreign aid end as well, if you guys are so strapped?

Oh my goodness gracious, Mr. Perry. You claim, we as Turks are rattling scimitars, and going beyond the pale as we as a country explore our future and examine who we want to be. And, maybe we are changing from the country of Ataturk into something different, however…

We may be changing into a national version of you, and demonstrating exactly what it is that you, if we were a Jewish State, would like and support…

We like you, may want our democracy to someday, become a theocracy, but with one glaring difference.

We are doing it because for many in our nation our faith tells us to, not because that is what the Presidential polls tell us to do.

And Mr. Perry with the South Carolina Primary quickly approaching, and in all of your brief and xenophobic less-than-glory, I utter to you the words that Ataturk said years ago…

“As they have come, so they will go.”

Don’t let the door of obscurity and ignorance hit you on the ass, Rick.

Sincerely,
Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Prime Minister

email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

What is in Mitt Romney's Tax Returns?

2012-01-17T23:59:00.000-05:00

Hola Bitches! As you have probably heard, GOP presidentialcandidate Willard “Mitt” Romney has so far refused to release his tax returns.He’s being pretty heavily criticized for this, but I think he has some goodreasons. I mean, just think about all the vicious attacks he will face fromleft-wing, pink-o, OWS-loving socialists like Rick Perry and Newt Gingrich. Itwill be their attacks on Romney’s tenure at Bain Capital on steroids!

Of course, we all already know that Mitt makes a lot ofmoney. But, despite that, we also know that he’s a manof the people. Being the Chief Investigative Candidate Tax Return Reporterfor I’m With Stupid, I have found some things in Mr. Romney’s tax returns thathe would rather the world not find out about. Of course, I have an ethical andmoral obligation to list them here …

- He declares Tim Pawlenty as a dependent.
- Sends $20 home to his family in Mexico every other week.
- Is addicted to buying things for the kitchen on QVC.
- Donated 2,000 “I’m Pro-Choice and I Vote” t-shirts from his old senatecampaign to Goodwill.
- Is classified as a compact for import tax purposes, but an SUV for fuelmileage requirements.
- Lists job title as “BAMF”
- Deducted $34,922.31 in hair products as “work supplies.”
- Deducted $7,819.85 in tuition at the Machiavellian School of Politics ascampaign expenses.
- Claims that he gets paid in “EnvyDollars.”
- Lists home state as Massachusetts, Utah, California and Michigan.
- Deducted $54,989.59 for severance pay for “LosersI Fired.”
- Deducted $38,522.49 for service of “Romney 2012 CPU” to keep candidatefunctioning.
- Bought 3,552 wedding gifts for family members last year.
- Deducted $17.22 for “Moose or Elk or WhatTheHellEver Hunting Expenses”
- Deducted $1,944.38 for “DogGrooming Expenses.”

And of course, this was all on income of only $7,322,698.03 whichjust barely gets him into the middle class. We will soon find out that Willardpays somewhere around 15% in federal income taxes. Just like all the rest ofthe average everyday folks do. And, looking over these expenses, I can see whyWillard wants to keep it under wraps. God only knows what else otherinvestigative reporters with bigger budgets might uncover.

But, when they do, please don’t let them give all the creditfor breaking this story wide op to someone at CNN or the Washington Post orsome crappy fake news organization like that. Please help me remind them who itwas who did all the dirty work here and I deserve the credit. Thanks inadvance.

It's National Awareness Day, Day!!

2012-01-17T00:46:00.000-05:00

Y’know..?

Even in my advanced, un-hip, soon to be forty seven years here on Earth, I have become much more “au courant” as to what’s going on around me and my universe.

And…

I want to give thanks to all the various groups, people, and special interests for sponsoring National Days and Months of Awareness for keeping me current and for squeezing the air from the bellows of the internets to the dying embers of my aging synapses.

Until I discovered the magic of the internets some years ago, I never realized how many things of which I was unaware. For instance…

Did you know that that last Friday, January 13th, was National Amber Alert Awareness Day? Oh yeah.

Up until last Friday, when I saw an Amber Alert come on TV or sound across my radio, I thought it was but a mere commercial for milk producers rationalizing their need to put pictures of cute kids on their milk cartons in order to sell more teat squeezing goodness from Elsie.

And dig this…I found out days earlier on January 11th, that it was Human Trafficking Awareness Day. When I read that for the 1,658th time on Facebook last Wednesday, I had an epiphany and finally asked myself…

“Is that Mexican dude down the hall from us, really taking the ten year old Vietnamese girl dressed in a bespangled boa and short skirt to tryouts for a pre-pubescent version of the musical, Guys and Dolls like he says he is?”

Evidently the dude did take her to a tryout for Guys and Dolls, because when I woke up after following them to the tryouts at Mel’s Taquiera, I woke up with a black eye, broken septum, and a note pinned to my chest that said, “Kim is playing the part of Miss Adelaide. Don’t come back again.”

I appreciate the efforts of you Awareness Day developers.

I wouldn’t have known anything about breast cancer unless baseball players wore pink sweat bands and swung pink bats in October.

I’m really asscited about February 7th this year. Not only is it my birthday, it’s also National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. I never even knew that black folks got AIDS. I always thought they were merely relegated to the plight of developing sickle cell anemia from smoking too much crack.

I always thought of black people, especially black guys, as nothing but straight young bucks…but now?

I am always going to think of the tough guy movie, Shaft, as an allegory of a gay black man battling a suppressed homosexual love for bruthas, and think of bad ass Richard Roundtree as nothing but an ebony skinned, baritone version of, Freddie Mercury.

On a personal note…I remember last year when school started; I was going to talk about how my kid carries like forty pounds of useless crap in his backpack every day as he goes to school. He was always hunched over in Quasimodo form and I thought I could write about.

Nope…Someone, or should I say, some group had long beaten me to discussing that issue.

Did you know that the American Occupational Therapy Association (AOTA) has deemed the third Wednesday of September each year to be, National School Backpack Awareness Day™?

In fact, when I first found that out this past year, I alerted our son’s mother, and we weighed him down with four bricks in addition to his regular load so he would be aware of it too. Awareness is good!!

And let me tell you, every October 23rd, I have an overwhelming feeling to smother myself in peanut butter and red meat and allow my neighbor’s dog to celebrate his canis lupis molosser beauty and powerful jaws on National Pit Bull Awareness Day.

Seriously people…What the Hell are you doing? Most people are aware of pit bulls, overstuffed backpacks, cancer and, young chicks being used in the flesh trade.

I know you and your organization feel good about yourselves when you send out press releases announcing these days of awareness, but c’mon…it’s all about jacking up contributions to the bottom lines of your organizations.

And let me tell you…if that’s the case…

I am announcing that this coming February is, Matt-Man Needs a New Digital Camera Awareness Month. So c’mon…Pass Matt-Man some cabbage, feel good knowing that you are doing the right thing, and more importantly…

Realize that you are aware.

Cheers!!

E-Mail: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

I'm So Going to Heaven

2012-01-15T23:16:00.000-05:00

Hola bitches and welcome to the further adventures with my mother’s friend M.E. You remember M.E. from Thanksgiving, right? Well after a year of talking about it M.E. finally decided to get a laptop computer. She hasn’t ever used a computer before in her life. Okay, she did use a computer in a very limited manner back in the early 90’s, but that doesn’t really count.

Oh, and she’s never been on the internet either. Of course, she’s pretty sure she knows all about the net and … it’s the devil. But, she’s ready to take on the devil anyway. She asked me to go with her Walmart to get a laptop and “whatever else I’m going to need.”

Surprisingly enough Walmart wasn’t too difficult. We had a short discussion about whether she needed a desktop or laptop …

M.E: “I’m pretty sure I want a laptop.”
Jay: “They both have their pros and cons.”
M.E: “I think I’ll put it on the desk in the spare bedroom because there’s no TV in there.”
Jay: “So you want a desktop?”
M.E: “No, because I want to use it in the living room and downstairs.”
Jay: “Uh you just said … okay.”

So, we get her an HP laptop, a wireless router, a mouse and she also finds this portable tray that she thinks she’ll put the laptop on. It went smooth, no arguments or strange questions. Then we get back here so I can set her laptop up and show her a few things and get it registered for her. She also called the cable company and they will be out next Thursday to turn on her internet.

I get the thing out of the box and go through the set up process and then I decide to show her the internet. I figured the best place to go to first would be YouTube which leads to this conversation …

Jay: “What is your favorite musical act?”
M.E: “Oh I don’t know.”
Jay: “Do you like Dean Martin?”
M.E: “No.”
Jay: “Sinatra?”
M.E: “No.”
Jay: “Tony Bennett?”
M.E: “No.”
Jay: “Barbara Streisand.”
M.E: “No.”
Jay: “Willy Nelson.”
M.E: “No.”
Jay: “Miley Cyrus?”
M.E: “GOD NO!”
Jay: “Hey! That hurts! Rolling Stones?”
M.E: “No.”
Jay: “Huey Lewis and News?”
M.E: “No … I just don’t listen to music at all.”
Jay: “Umm … Okay, puppy vidoes.”
M.E: “Puppy vid? … Ohhhhh they’re so cute!”
Jay: “Internet, M.E. M.E, Internet.”

Then I put some of the games icons on the desktop so she can find them easily and play games to get used to using the mouse and all that shit. As I putt the laptop back in the box so she can take it home and all that and I show her where to plug the mouse back in at and I say “since you’re right handed just plug it in on the left side and run the cord around the back.” She says okay and gathers her stuff and says she’s going to go home and will “practice on the computer.”

About an hour later she calls and says “How come just because I’m right handed that means I HAVE to plug the mouse in on the left side? That doesn’t make any sense to me.” I told her I was just doing what seemed most obvious and easiest to me and she could plug it into any of the plugs it will fit in. She said okay, but was clearly a bit skeptical that I wasn’t trying to set her up for something.

That’s how day one went. God only knows how it’s going to go from here, but I’m pretty sure this is going to get me out of God’s doghouse.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

In other news, on Saturday Matt-Man interviewed Jayman on I’m With Stupid Podcast. It was light-hearted yet thoughtful and at times deep. We talked about growing up in Arkansas, religion, politics, writing and all kinds of other topics that Matt probed. So, check it out. Matt-Man actually kind of made Jayman sound interesting.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Matt Said, Jay Said XXI

2012-01-13T22:59:00.000-05:00

Matt derybos,Jay derybos, You klausyti

Matt: “Yo Yo Diggity Yo”
Jay: “Uhhh”
Matt: “You there?”
Jay: “I thought I called the wrong place for a minute.”
Matt: “I’m much hipper than you think.”
Jay: “Obviously I have misunderestimated you.”
Matt: “Most people do.”
Jay: “That’s by design though. Never disappoint anyone that way.”
Matt: “True dat. True dat.”

Jay: “There are rumors of nude pics of Mila Kunis about tobe leaked.”
Matt: “It appears to the have the internet in frenzy.”
Jay: “OH YEAHH … And we got HUNDREDS of hit on ‘My Indecent Proposal’”
Matt: “Our evil plan continues to work beautifully.”
Jay: “And when the pics are actually leaked, it will happen again.”
Matt: “Again, by design.”
Jay: “Sometimes even I am amazed by our cleverness.”
Matt: “You’ll keep me informed about all this, right?”
Jay: “I shall continue to monitor this situation closely.”
Matt: “For science, of course.”
Jay: “Totally”

Jay: “I bet Doc Thompson loves this blog. Especiallyyesterday’s post.”
Matt: “He’ll never admit it thought.”
Jay: “He’s not capable of something like that.”
Jay: “I bet he’s not even a real doctor.”
Matt: “Ha! No, that’s a nickname.”
Jay: “Typical Tea Party type. Pretending to be a doctor.”
Matt: “And, he probably gave HIMSELF the nickname.”
Jay: “Which is a total douche bag move.”
Matt: “Right. It doesn’t count when you give yourself a nickname.”

Jay: “So the Matt-Maninterview is just about to hit the top 5 in the ratings for this week.”
Matt: “It was quite the experience.”
Jay: “It ranged from funny to provocative to touching and beyond.”
Matt: “I was emotionally drained afterwards.”
Jay: “Oh me too. I had nothing left to give.”
Matt: “And this week, the tables are turned.”
Jay: “What all are you gonna ask?”
Matt: “It will be a wide ranging, hard hitting, yet fair interview.”
Jay: “I’m kind of excited, yet, terrified.”
Matt: “So am I actually.”
Jay: “Then again, I’m that way before EVERY show.”
Matt: “Keeps you from becoming complacent.”
Jay: “Great point.”
Matt: “I make a lot of great points.”
Jay: “You’re very insightful.”

Okay, there you go. Genius as it happened. And, don’t forgetto tune in to I’m With Stupid Saturday night at 11 pm ET as Matt-Manwill interview Jayman this week. It should be interesting. Or possiblyreally boring. It could go either way really.

Doc Thompson on 700 WLW...A Limp Morning Guy for a Once Great Station

2012-01-13T00:40:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday everyone.

700 WLW midday radio host, Doc Thompson here for I’m With Stupid. And let me tell you, if it wasn’t for Matt-Man’s utter graciousness, I wouldn’t be here right now.

See..?

I replaced 700 WLW midday host Mike McConnell last year, and frankly, I have sucked.

Mike, while conservative like me politically, could talk in complete sentences and construct an argument which often led to good radio dialogue no matter one’s political and ideological bent.

I however, am the right wing version of Liberal putz, Alan Colmes.

I couldn’t win an argument with my kid, let alone, even in losing, make it interesting to the vast audience of WLW’s 50,000 watt universe. I hate to say it, but I am boring not only in Ohio, but the 38 other states we reach during the daytime as well.

When I talk to the every day folks, I am good, kinda sweet, and homespun even, but…When I talk to smarter people like Aaron Katersky from ABC News or the Obama book writer Jodi Kantor, I come off as sounding as stupid as I truly am.

Like earlier this week…

In all my Tea Bagger glory, I seriously mentioned to Aaron Katersky of ABC News, that if elected, perhaps Mitt Romney would put Ron Paul in as his Secretary of Treasury. Katersky said to me, “Are you serious, why would he do that?”

He didn’t need to be so rude. I just assumed, that well…all us Republicans at some level get along, so maybe he would give Ron Paul a job.

And hold on one second…I am NOT a Republican. I may be a talk show host with an agenda, but I am a straight shooter. The only side that I support in the wacky world of politics, is America’s side.

And if you want me to prove it, go to my Facebook Page, and you’ll see that I “Like” a varied and diverse group of people with a myriad of political ideologies…

From not only the Northern Kentucky Tea Party, but to the Cleveland Tea Party as well….to Glenn Beck…to ultra-conservative writer Jedediah Bila, to Virginia U.S. Senate Candidate and talker in tongues, Jamie Radtke, and of course…

Clear Channel and 700 WLW, without whose complete disregard for talent, I would be unemployed, and penniless. Socialism isn’t for me, but if it happens spontaneously within the airtight sound booths of the private media sector, and not within the loud and Stalinistic chambers of the U.S. Congress, I’m all for it.

Matt-Man and I have exchanged several e-mails over the last month. It all began when I was complaining on air about the Minimum Wage in Ohio going from $7.40/hr. to $7.70/hr. He said that he didn’t think that an additional $2.40 a day per employee was too much to ask from the barely getting by, job creators.

I said…Wait a minute…that’s like $600.00/yr. You and I will pay for that, and so will the folks who just got a raise. And he’s like, giving me the business, calling me an asshole and the like. And I said…

“Why not make it $50.00/hr?” He told me that that was a hyperbolic argument, to which I said to him, “Yeah, so?” He had no answer to that other than to say to me like Aaron Katersky from ABC News did, “Are you serious?”

As I always say, “When in doubt, go hyperbolic on a person.” And as soon as I look that word up, I’ll find out if I did or not.

Matt-Man eventually got me to admit that I, in no way, think there that should be a Federal Minimum wage, and I told him that Michelle Obama shouldn’t be setting policy because we didn’t elect her.

He more or less called me a crazy man. Well Mr. Funny Man…

When you folks are working for $2.58 an hour and Michelle Obama is back living in the Chi-Town projects with her one term husband, we’ll see who the hyperbolic one is.

This is Doc Thompson saying…

I love America. I love the Constitution, and…

I love my fiancée’ of Korean descent, because seriously…If her family could understand what I was saying, they’d never let her marry me.

Ahnyoung, now go home…

Doc

If you have any questions or lawsuits, please contact our law firm...

Matt-Man

Email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

Gambling Expert Johnny Vegas on the NFL Playoffs

2012-01-11T23:59:00.000-05:00

Hola Bitches! I’m With Stupid’s gambling expert Johnny Vegas here to breakdown this weekend’s big NFL Playoffs action. There’s lots of money to be made out there, but you gotta know where to look and pay attention to the details. If you don’t do that, the wise guys will take all your money and leave you standing alone in casino sports book and the haggard middle-aged cocktail waitress who’s been banged more times than Ringo Starr’s drum kit won’t even talk to you.

So, here’s my pick’s for this weekend’s games with the favorite in all-caps…

NEW ORLEANS -3.5 @ San Francisco (Sat 4:30 ET Fox): The 49ers defense is harder to score on in that shit hole of a stadium they call Candlestick Park than Viki Malicki back in high school. We used to call her “Viki NoDicki” you know what I’m sayin’? Her vagina had icicles hanging from it. Anyway, the Saints aren’t as good outdoors as they are in the dome and the perfect weather means the Niners field goal game should be in great shape. Niners get 8 field goals and one touchdown and not only cover the three and half points but win outright.

Denver +13.5 @ New England (Sat 8:00 ET CBS): So a lot was made about Tebow throwing for 316 yards last week and his favorite Bible verse being John 3:16, right? Well dig this, if he throws for 233 yards this week, Ezekiel 23:3 says “They became prostitutes in Egypt, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed.” OH YEHHHH BABY that’s some hot stuff right there! Look for the Broncos to play hard right to the finish and lose, but still cover the thirteen and half points.

Houston +7.5 @ Baltimore (Sun. 1:00 ET CBS): Dam, I gotta tell you the truth, I almost forgot this game was being played. These two teams are almost as interesting as reading about Mommy Blogger’s precious little fucking snowflakes. But, I’ve got the stat of the week to help keep you interested. In games played outdoors at 1 pm when the temperature at kickoff is between 29.7̊ F and 33.2̊ F, the Houston Texans are 3-11-2 against the spread and 2-14 overall. Since the game is outdoors and kickoff temps should be right about 30.9̊ F, that makes this an easy pick, take the Ravens to cover the seven and half points and don’t fucking bother watching this snoozefest.

New York Football Giants +8.5 @ Green Bay (Sun. 4:30 ET CBS): By far the most intriguing matchup of the weekend. The Packers are the defending champs and are at home, but their defense has been getting rolled almost as bad as the French Army in WWII. Look for Giants WR Victor Cruz to be doing some sexy salsa dancin’ in the end zone on Sunday. Hey, I’m secure in my manhood enough to admit when I think another man is good looking and has some sexy moves in the hip area. So, I’m expecting the Giants magical run to continue and for them to pull off the HUGE upset here and not only cover the eight and half points, but actually win the game outright. Then, after the game is over you can lean back, close your eyes and visualize Victor Cruz salsa dancing the night away in celebration of the big win. And remember Tebow fans, in Psalms 16:11 it says “In your right hand there are pleasures forever.” I’m just sayin’!

So there you go America, the kind of expert analysis* you just won’t find anywhere else. Hope everyone wins big this weekend!

*If you’re such a pathetic degenerate that you would actually take gambling advice from a fake handicapper on a website called “I’m With Stupid” then you deserve all the bad things that will happen to you.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

And, on Wednesday we broke down the New Hampshire Primary as only we can on I’m With Stupid Podcast. Plus, we introduced the newest presidential candidate running for the republican nomination Mississippi Mike who isn’t from Mississippi! It was pretty much 45 minutes of nonstop hilarity, so check it out!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Mitt Romney 2012: I Am the Common Man!!

2012-01-11T00:32:00.001-05:00

Hello my fellow Americans. Mitt Romney here for I’m With Stupid.

I know what you are thinking, and trust me, I am currently and personally having a robust chortle, as you ask yourselves…

“What in blazes is former, barely well-to-do Massachusetts Governor, and GOP Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney doing on I’m With Stupid?”

Well let me tell you…

Even though I have recently brought Republicans together by winning both the Iowa Caucus and the New Hampshire Primary, many people still think I am but a self-serving man of fortunate lineage and vast wealth, who is out of touch with the majority of the American populous, all the while wanting to serve as President of this great nation.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Well…I should say…

Although I do want to be your President, I am nothing like the cold and stoic detached Ebenezer Scrooge type that the media, people like Newt Gingrich, along with some voters, and anti-Romney Super PACs make me out to be.

In fact my friends, I am so down with your pedestrian, yet hip common man sub-culture, that it’s scary to me. Golly Heck…I’ll bet you ten-thousand dollars that you probably know dozens of people just like me within your gated communities.

Yet, some think that I am incognizant of, and keep my distance from, the “little people”…Some think that I, being “okay” financially, have no clue as to what real, everyday Americans experience and or have experienced.

Let me tell you right here and now.

I, Mitt Romney, all my life sliding down the chutes of my father’s loins in order to have handed to me the grandiose of the American Dream, have also experienced what it is like to be…a rebel…a rascal…a boat rocker, and most importantly, a Common Man.

Every morning, just as you do, I put on my finely tailored English pants made of exceptional Falkland Islands wool, one leg at a time.

As I know most of you good parents still do today, I, while they were growing up, always half-jokingly reminded my kids about how I had to walk up three flights of stairs both ways to my lecture hall at the private, Cranbrook Preparatory School for Boys in Bloomfield Hills, MI.

I remember one time during my youthful days at Cranbrook that some of us rowdy “Dead End Kids” raised a ruckus over the appointment of a new schoolmaster by refusing to tie our ties into a Double Windsor knot.

LOL…We took it a step farther, when all heck broke out in the form of a spontaneous, and devil-may-care food fight in the dining room at lunch during final exams week. Let me tell you…The lobster and Foie gras we’re flying!!

When I came home for Christmas break, my mother was so angry with me, that she sent me to bed without dinner, and sent our man Paco off to the cleaners on Christmas Eve to rid my blazer of the shellfish residue.

Did I say Paco? Darn right I did…You see, we Romneys are multi-cultural and sensitive to all peoples regardless of their religion, political bent, or ethnicity.

Did I tell you that my dad, George Romney was born in Colonia Dublan, Mexico? I didn’t? Well, maybe I shouldn’t have, and let’s say we just forget about this part of my exposition.

I mean really…it’s not like it matters, so all in all we need not mention it again…unless…hey wait…

If I could spread this fact to all the Mexicans and blacks, who live in Section 8 housing, I cou--..? I think I’m on to something.

Listen Pablo, Jose, and Dre’ Cool …Just like you, I was born into and unto oppression, and just as I have overcome it, I will bring you along side of me when elected Mitt-Man-in-Chief.

There’s a Nor’Easter a-blowin’ on the political front and his name is Mitt. Forget Bain Capital, my J. Crew clothing, and my man-servants…

If you can push the votes my way, come January 2013 we’ll be sitting in the White House tossing back some 40’s of…

Cristal Champagne!!

I know my brothers, you would prefer some Steel Reserve, but, dang, I got to stay true to my roots.

Mitt Romney

email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
twitter: @mattmaniws

Tim Tebow Needs a Reality TV Show

2012-01-09T23:59:00.000-05:00

Hola Bitches! Well, he did it again. Tim Tebow led hisDenver Broncos to another unlikely win. This time, he did it on the big stageof the NFL playoffs and against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Nobody thought theBroncos had a chance in hell of even staying close. Well, nobody except TimTebow and yours truly. I told the Matt-Man on Friday that the Broncos had achance. And, as so often is the case, I was right.

I got to thinking about all the Tebow hate and have come toa conclusion that it goes much deeper than what most people think. Generallypeople in the media and sports fans simply say that the Tebow hate is becauseof how he is so public about his religious beliefs. Many people say that Tebowhate is actually hatred against ALL Christians.

While there certainly is some backlash against his verypublic Christian beliefs, I don’t think disliking him means someone hates ALLChristians. In fact, for a lot of people I think it’s more personal. Notpersonal about Tim, but personal about themselves. See, everything always seemsto work out great for Tim Terrific. And for most people, well, things don’twork out well. At least, we don’t feel like they do. So, when we see someonewho seems always get the lucky break, we get jealous.

That’s right kids. Tim Tebow is the NFL’s Ferris Bueller(with a better set of ethics and morals) and we’re all Cameron just sittingthere staring at him trying to figure out how it is that EVERYTHING alwaysworks out for him.

So, I think it would be great to create a reality TV showjust following Tim around all day long as amazing things constantly happen tohim. It would get huge ratings because people who love him AND the people whohate him would all watch. The Tebow Lovers will be thrilled and amazed at Tim’sgreat life and the haters will be driven to drink and spiral further andfurther into self-hatred and despair.

Here’s what an average day would be like for Tim Tebow…

- Tim will be running late in the morning, but amazinglythere will be some Krispy Kreme Donuts on the counter. How lucky is that? And, as he’s driving to the stadium forpractice, every single traffic light will turn green.

- He goes to Target to get some jeans. Unfortunately, theydon’t have anything with inseam longer than 36” and Tim needs 38”. Of course,being Tim he was cool with this and decided to check out their shirts. While hewas doing that, an employee comes by and restocks the jeans shelf and there aretwo pairs of jeans with 38” inseam! So awesome!

- Tim then goes to Best Buy to look at plasma TVs. He findsone he thinks is perfect, but it’s really expensive and buying it would be wayto showy for a guy like him. Suddenly, an employee walks by and puts a “TodayOnly! 60% Off” sign on top of the plasma TV he wanted. So, he gets an amazingbargain!

- By this time it’s snowing heavily in Denver, so Tim has tobe very careful driving home. But, amazingly enough just as he turns onto theroad that goes to his neighborhood he sees the snow plow is in front him, so hejust pulls in behind it and has a much safer drive home than it would havebeen.

- Tim gets home, hooks up his new TV, turns it on andGilmore Girls is on! While watching Gilmore Girls Tim gets hungry but thenrealizes he forgot to go to the store and he has absolutely nothing good to eatin the house. Right at that moment, Lindsay Vonn shows up with a freakingpizza.

There you have it folks. It isn’t just football that worksout for Tim all the time. Every single thing in Tim’s life works out inmysterious ways. That’s what every episode would be. Just following Tebowaround while he lives his perfect freaking life and everyone at home eithercelebrates or gets really pissed off.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook: Jayman68
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Rebound Relationships: Leave Them to the Professionals

2012-01-09T00:14:00.000-05:00

Hello and Happy Monday to all of you warm and wonderful I’m With Stupid fans, and fine folks everywhere.

Right now you are probably asking yourselves…

“Who is this man of quasi-handsome, yet non-threatening good looks….of nebulous ethnicity, of youngish age, and indeterminate tax bracket, religious affiliation, or social status?”

Well, IWS friends…

My name is Bryan DeBroun and I am the official Rebound Relationship Guy of I’m With Stupid.

Along with the dozens of hot chicks who know me, many of you men know me, as well…well, many of you with ex-girlfriends anyway.

Oh sure, you may not know me as Bryan DeBroun, but know me rather as the guy into whose arms your most recent, yet now former and broken-hearted ex-girlfriend fell while seeking solace and harbor from the emotional upheaval of your break-up.

Over my lifetime, I have been many things to many women…a shoulder on which to cry, a friendly face with which to share a long sought after laugh, as well as a Freudian Surgeon who can repair a shattered ego.

While I cherish my lot in life as Rebound Relationship Guy, it is one that does not come without its difficulties and risks to both mind and body.

For instance…Now that I have revealed my identity, I’m sure that there are more than a few of you guys reading this, that want to track me down and beat the living shit out of me.

Please…I am not the guy upon whom you should exact your violent and infinite justice. Nooooo.

I am but a mere teller of hopeful tales, a spinner of feel good yarns, and court jester to those ladies in need of a few weeks of faux love in order to rebuild their feline fiefdoms of sexual prowess and femininity within their core being.

You see guys? I am not here to replace you permanently. Hell, I don’t have the staying power nor the desire for that. I am simply here to put your ex-gal on track. To right her ship…To wish her "Bon Love-age", and send her back to the sea of singleness with a firm and even keel upon her stern.

I am not some diabolical emotional rapist who preys upon the vulnerabilities of a woman who has recently gone through the heartbreak and troubled waters of a romantic split. Quite the contrary.

In fact, I am the Bridge Over Troubled Water that prevents the ladies from falling into the rushing waters of the abyss while helping them to reach the other side.

And guys, to reiterate my point, it’s the guy she meets at the other end of the bridge that you want to beat the shit out of, not me.

Now I know some of you are saying…

“Jesus Christ, DeBroun. I don’t care what you say. You are doing this for the rebound sex!!”

Not true…I rarely have sex with the rebound chicks. We typically engage in tight hugs for her reassurance. A friendly swat on the ass, in order to let her know she’s still attractive, and mutual giggling as I innocently look in on her as she showers and ask her what she would like for breakfast.

In full IWS disclosure however…

There have been times during my myriad of 4-6 week rebound relationships that over our third bottle of wine while watching Steel Magnolias during the part where Julia Roberts dies, that I have innocently and inadvertently brought up how the chick’s last guy pushed her down the stairs, set fire to the stuffed animal he won for her at the amusement park, or got drunk at her mom’s funeral.

Whenever I make a slip up like that, they seem to want to cry, be held, kiss, and then just roll wet and naked with it. It’s wacky, but I promise, never pre-meditated on my part.

Well my friends…I just wanted to say hi, introduce myself, and let you know that I am here to help you out should you need to rebound.

To all the guys, keep your chins up and fists off of mine, and to all the ladies out there…

When it's time to cross that bridge, remember...I am that bridge.

With the Deepest of Temporary Love,

Bryan DeBroun

email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

And folks...Jayman interviewed the Matt-Man live on I'm With Stupid Saturday night. If you want to listen to a gut wrenching, deep, yet hilarious interview, give it a listen. It is 45 minutes of stellarosity...

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Babe of the Week: Jessica Biel

2012-01-08T11:07:00.000-05:00

The IWS Babe of the Week feature returns for 2012 and who better to start things off for us than Justin Timberlake’s fiancée Jessica Biel!

Jessica first burst onto the scene in late 90’s as Mary Camden on the ultra-successful series 7^th Heavan. But, she’s also very well known for many movies including the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

But, Jessica is probably best known for her rock hard body and her commitment to fitness. Jessica is very athletic and does a great job of keeping herself in amazing shape. And now, on top of all the other honors she’s been named IWS Babe of the Week. Congrats Jessica!

Matt Said, Jay Said, XX

2012-01-07T00:23:00.002-05:00

Matt parla, Jay parla, You ascoltare.

Matt: “Good morning, welcome to the Unhappiest City in America, where may I direct your call?”

Jay: “To the meloncoly deptartment please.”
Matt: “One moment. Please let is ring as they’re not too motivated there.”
Jay: “Understandable.”

Jay: “Very sorry about your unhappiness there in the Miami Valley.”
Matt: “Well, we’re used to it here.”
Jay: “But, Bagwine’s unhappiness has brough tons of hits to the IWS Blog.”
Matt: “At least something good has come of this.”
Jay: “Out of the ashes of doom and despair comes fame and internet notoriety.”
Matt: “If only that were enough Jay.”
Jay: “Dam, that’s some deep unhappiness there.”
Matt: “Generation after generation of depression and unhappiness cannot be overcome with one good day of heavy traffic on a blog.”

Jay: “Maybe a name change would help?”
Matt: “Oh yeah. How ‘bout Pleasantville?”
Jay: “That’s happy and uplifting.”
Matt: “It is AND, I’m a fan of the movie.”
Jay: “I don’t think I’ve seen it.”
Matt: “Really? It had ... what’s her name ... cute girl ... Reese Witherspoon!”
Jay: “Meh. She’s okay, I guess.”
Matt: “Oh I like her a lot. She’s a good actress and damn cute.”
Jay: “She is both of those, very true. Just .. I don’t know. Nice New Orleans girl.”
Matt: “See, there you go!”

Matt: “Big playoff games this weekend.”
Jay: “I’m thinking the Bengals can beat Houston too.”
Matt: “Well, you’d think they could.”
Jay: “You don’t think they will though?”
Matt: “Well, it’s our nature in these parts to not get our hopes up.”
Jay: “Of course not. That would be happy stuff.”
Matt: “Exactly, we’re not into that.”
Jay: “I’m being contrarian this week. I’m also taking Denver over Pitt.”
Matt: “REALLY? I don’t know about that.”
Jay: “TEBOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”
Matt: “Oh dear God.”

Jay: “So, I’m interviewing you this week?”
Matt: “Yup, and then I’ll DO you next week hot stuff.”
Jay: “Oh yeah! That’s hot.”
Matt: “I was going to ask what subjects you were going to hit on, but I won’t.”
Jay: “I plan on probing you for at least a half hour.”
Matt: “You sick fuck.”
Jay: “I won’t ask anything embarrassing or anything like that.”
Matt: “Boring.”
Jay: “No, you’re a fascinating guy.”
Matt: “I do fascinate myself sometiems. Okay, often. Couple of times a day even.”
Jay: “We won’t really get into that.”
Matt: “Good plan.”

So, there you go kids. More fun and games with Matt and Jay. AND, don’t forget to join us Saturday night at 11 pm ET when Jayman will be interviewing Matt-Man LIVE on the air on I’m With Stupid. Join us for this exciting and interesting trip through Matt-Man’s life and times.

And, while you’re waiting for that show to happen, be sure to check out our very special analysis of the Iowa Caucuses which aired on Wednesday. Nobody broke things down better than we did. And, Jayman put up a spirited defense of the great state of Iowa against all the unfair and rude people who trashed the state.

As always, thanks for reading and listening and just being there for us. We love you all.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio